Camelot I know that you are curious as to who am I and where do I live so here is my story………..

Once upon a time I lived in Camelot, where life was beautiful, everyone had plenty, the days were sunny, the nights were starlit, we visited each other and congratulated each other on each other’s material and academic gains, and the achievements of our children.

We carefully cherished our children trying to instill the basis of Islam by taking them to the mosque class and celebrating each muslim holiday with gusto and generosity. Meanwhile amassing wealth and opportunities for our children.

Our children grew up together holding on to each other and getting their strength from each other. They created new traditions in the secular school system. Sitting in the library at lunch in Ramadan, was one that became a coveted fashion. The children did more social services than some of us adults. They served in the soup kitchen and cleaned out the bathrooms and bedrooms at the local Ronald Macdonald house for the parents of chronically sick children and many other things fi sabillallah. They were the frontline facing the onslaught on the war on Islam after September of 2001, never flinching, and still finding joy in life.

We adults on the other hand continued to work long hours, eat weekend dinners at each other’s homes and attend Sunday mosque like the Christians and felt that we knew a lot of Islam. Many of us prayed five times a day, some did not but did good deeds to make up.

We lived in idyllic Camelot, nothing bad ever happened here and we were off and on blind and deaf to the bad things happening to people elsewhere, as long as all was well in Camelot.

Then one afternoon in July two and half years ago, on a bright and sunny day, three nineteen year old, handsome, bright, intelligent and good muslim boys set out on the interstate to drop off one of the three to the airport located two hours away from Camelot.

Hurricane Dennis suddenly entered the scene and dropped blinding showers. Their car slipped and crossing the median to the other side crashed into an oncoming sixteen wheeler. All three boys, loved and cherished by the community because of their good muslim behavior, intellect and beauty, died instantaneously.

Inna lil lahi wa inna elayhe rajaeoown.

Camelot exploded with grief, never to be put back together again. I am the mother of one of those three, and that is my story……

68 thoughts on “WHO AM I AND WHERE DO I LIVE?

  1. Assalamu’alaikum wa rahmathullahi wa barakathuhu,

    May Allah(SWT) reward you parents for your sabr, generosity and everything you are doing in the path of Allah(SWT). May Allah(SWT) forgive your son and his friends sins and grant them highest ranks in jannathul firdos Inshallah Ameen.


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  4. Assala-0-Alikam Sister,

    Inna Lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un.

    ALLAH pak give you strength,Your Story is very sad, I am trying to follow Sirat-Mustaqeem but could not ,, almost wasted 8 years for nothing. Need Prayers of you.



    • jazaik Allah hu Khairan for your good wishes. Ask Allah to call you to his path and then take the first step and you will be amazed at how he pulls you towards him…….be attentive to what comes your way then for it is not random:) inshallah!


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  6. Very touching story. There is nothing I would say that would be better that what our beloved Mohammed (SAAW) said.
    رقم الحديث: 9068
    (حديث قدسي) أَخْبَرَنَا أَبُو بَكْرِ بْنُ فُورَكٍ ، أَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ جَعْفَرٍ ، نَا يُونُسُ بْنُ حَبِيبٍ ، نَا أَبُو دَاوُدَ ، نَا حَمَّادُ بْنُ سَلَمَةَ ، عَنْ أَبِي سِنَانٍ ، قَالَ : دَفَنْتُ ابْنِي سِنَانَ ، وَأَبُو طَلْحَةَ الْخَوْلانِيُّ جَالِسٌ عَلَى شَفِيرِ الْقَبْرِ ، فَقَالَ : حَدَّثَنِي الضَّحَّاكُ بْنُ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ ، عَنْ أَبِي مُوسَى ، قَالَ : قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ، صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ : ” إِذَا قَبَضَ اللَّهُ ابْنَ الْعَبْدِ قَالَ لِمَلائِكَتِهِ : مَا قَالَ عَبْدِي ؟ قَالُوا : حَمِدَكَ وَاسْتَرْجَعَ ، قَالَ : ابْنُوا لَهُ بَيْتًا ، وَسَمُّوهُ بَيْتَ الْحَمْدِ ” . وَقَفَهُ أَبُو أُسَامَةَ كَمَا .

    (حديث قدسي) حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ إِسْحَاقَ ، حَدَّثَنَا حَمَّادُ بْنُ سَلَمَةَ ، عَنْ أَبِي سِنَانٍ ، قَالَ : دَفَنْتُ ابْنًا لِي ، وَإِنِّي لَفِي الْقَبْرِ إِذْ أَخَذَ بِيَدِي أَبُو طَلْحَةَ الْخَوْلانِيُّ ، فَانْتَشَطَنِي ، فَقَالَ : أَلا أُبَشِّرُكَ قُلْتُ : بَلَى . قَالَ : حَدَّثَنِي الضَّحَّاكُ بْنُ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ عَرْزَم ، عَنْ أَبِي مُوسَى الأَشْعَرِيِّ ، قَالَ : قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ : ” قَالَ اللَّهُ : يَا مَلَكَ الْمَوْتِ قَبَضْتَ وَلَدَ عَبْدِي ؟ قَالَ : نَعَمْ . قَالَ : قَبَضْتَ قُرَّةَ عَيْنِهِ ، وَثَمَرَةَ فُؤَادِهِ ؟ قَالَ : نَعَمْ . قَالَ : فَمَا قَالَ ؟ قَالَ : حَمِدَكَ وَاسْتَرْجَعَ . قَالَ : ابْنُوا لَهُ بَيْتًا فِي الْجَنَّةِ ، وَسَمُّوهُ بَيْتَ الْحَمْدِ ” .


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  8. Walaikum aslaaam wa rahnmatullahi wa barakatahu!
    My friends, your duas and good wishes keep the hounds of grief at bay.
    Please continue to keep me in your prayers, and your are in mine with thanks!


  9. Asalamu Alaykum sis,

    Inna lil lahi wa inna illahi rajiyuun.

    May Allah Subhanahu Wa-Ta’Ala, grant them Jannah InshaAllah and may He (swt) bless you and your family with lots of strength InshaAllah Ameen.

    Allah Hafiz,
    Reshma Shay


  10. Asalamu-Alaikum,


    My husband told me to check out this blog, so I just came by, this entry or intro was indeed very touchy. Allah the merciful give you strength and loads more patience. To Him we all will return one day, Insha-Allah!


  11. Dear Sister,

    Salamu alaikum. I am heart-broken after coming across your site yesterday and reading your story. I have two young daughters, ages 12 and 10 whom I’m trying to raise to be good Muslims here in the US and I simply can’t fathom the pain you’ve gone through, and that you still face. I cannot imagine anything more difficult than loosing one’s child.

    I truly believe pain is meant to elevate us, to bring us to higher ground with God. God, being so kind, loves his servants a lot, so much that he blesses some of us with trying pain to bring us even closer to Himself. Your place in Heaven will be next to your son, and both of you will be very close to Allah (S) because of the suffering you’ve experienced. Afterall, our Prophet was raised to higher stations through unparalleled pain in his life, all those tribulations and the loss of his sons, especially Ibrahim. And we have so many examples in our Islamic history, such as Prophet Ayyub and Imam Husayn. I really believe God brings closer to Himself those He truly loves through immense trials.

    From your blog, I can tell that God is the source of your strenght, but I wanted to know more. What are your other sources for your strength? What do you do to cope? Has time helped? Do you have other children and other family members for support? How about the moms of the children whom God also called, are you finding support there?

    May Allah (S) be beside you for now and always.


  12. Walaikum Asalaam wa rahmatullah e wa barakatahu,
    may Allah bless you and may you never be challenged with your children, in grief nor in Deen.


  13. Assalamualikum Dear Sister,
    I am a Malaysian mother of four..AlhamduliLLah I am blessed with beautiful and kind children. I come across your blog while seaching for some Islamic images. My tears flow..May Allah give you the strength to go on..Please keep on writing..it is so inspirational..you have such a beautiful way of expressing your taughts.I shall follow them whenever i have the free time. Take care.
    Wasallam. Aishah.


  14. Salaams Sister

    Even though I know you through our mails for maybe the last month or so, only today I came to know of your tragic loss. As a parent (I have 2 sons and 2 daughters) I can relate to what you have lost. Allah tests people in various ways, through health, wealth and through their children. He gives, and He takes away. It may be difficult to react to the tests one faces in life in the manner most pleasing and acceptable to Allah, but maybe that is what Allah is looking for in us when we lose something that is precious to us. In a way it may be better not to love our children too intensely, so that if they are taken away in our lifetime it would not shatter us irreparably, but this is easier said than done. Parents only can be aware of their inputs in the growth of their children and losing them can affect them severely.

    These are tests from Allah, and we should attempt to bear these losses, heartrending though they may be, in a proper manner. It is very hard, agreed, but that maybe is what makes one a better Muslim.

    May Allah give you the strength to bear this loss of yours with fortitude. What we can offer are only words, the suffering is yours, but maybe you can draw some comfort from what people feel for you.

    May Allah bless your son, you, your family, and all of us Muslims around the world. We all need His Blessings.

    Wassalam. Adam.


  15. Walaikum Asalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu,
    Perhaps Allah Subhanawataala is vetting you for jannah. If you release your attachment to your wealth and or lack of it, perhaps He will put you on His path. Just a thought.
    May Allah bless your daughter Amy, remember she has come with her own sustenance, you are just a means for what Allah is going to give her, your only duty as a father is to give her what is halal and tayyab.
    My third thought is that by the failing of your current business perhaps Allah Subhanawataala is giving you a message to do something different. Maybe what you have been doing is not pleasing to him? just a thought!
    I am just a simple human being trying to learn the mysteries of my Deen, and invoking Allah to help me understand what I am supposed to do on this earth……….a bit late, but nevertheless I am trying.
    may Allah Subhanawataala allow you to look for alternate halal and tayyab subsistence…….and may He make you turn to Him while you are in ease as well as when you are in difficulty.


  16. Asalaam ‘O Alaiykum Sister,

    I am your brother from India, I am facing great difficulty financially from last 10 years. I do everything but my financial condition not improve. I have one 8 years old daughter Amy. Last year global financial meltdown, I am losing almost everything, because I am directly involved in stock market, I loss faith in Allah and everything else. I don’t know i again regain my faith in Allah or not .
    Take care


  17. Walaikum Asalaam wa rahmatullahe wa barakatahu, sister C and Brother AJ,

    May Allah reward you for your compassion and for keeping me in your prayers.

    May He Subhanawataala give you strength and vigor to follow His path and make it beautiful for others.
    Please continue to keep me in your prayers it brings me great peace.
    jazaaik Allah Khair!


  18. Asalaam ‘O Alaiykum Sister, your story was very touching. I am not a very religious person. I am not motivated enough to do my religious duty properly, but after I heard your story may be I am do my duty much better then what I do earlier.


  19. Asalamualikum,

    I google/search for a dua daily for a chain email in ramdan, and i have often come to your blog, (because of the word ‘supplication’ you’ve used in it) read and left without dropping anything.

    Today, I somehow did. Wondered for sometime who is asqfish, A girl or a Boy? Deep down inside i wished if it belonged to a Girl. if All of this wisdom is by someone of my gender that i can cherish and take pride in.

    I havent read much of it, Ramdhan is here. But I’m going to read it one day.

    Asalamualikum Va Rehmatullah,
    I have read the above post, and cried, of course.
    I really dont have words, I’ll definitely going to pray for your strength and your son and his friends. May Allah swt bless them all, and Grant you patience and strength!

    This is a marvelous work, your journey will going to help me live my life. be through the difficulties i go though, to learn from you and to know you more.

    love, prayers and wishes!


  20. Hi Br.Jeetu,
    Thank you for your duas and your sincere words, may Allah subhanawataala reward you for your kindness and may such a sorrow never touch you.

    Walaikum as salaam wa Rahmatullahi wa barakatahu Br Adeeb,
    Every word of solace coming from you is sent by Allah Subhanawataala, may Allah reward you for your expression of compassion and your prayers, and may He forever watch over you with compassion and care.


  21. Assalam-alikum Sister,

    Your story was very moving and did make me emotional. I pray that Allah swt bestows upon you more and more strength, patience and blessings. No doubt you have these already in abundance.

    A time will come, inshaallah, when you and the other grieving parents will be reuinted with your sons in the gardens of Jannah, and all your patience will have been worthwhile.


  22. Hi,
    I am in deep sorrow for the tough time you had in your life. May Allah be with you throughout. amen.

    As a believer of Allah I will pray for you.


  23. Walaikum Asalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu,

    Your quotes from our beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him , brought tears to my eyes and solace to my heart.

    Thank you, May allah reward you, and may you continue to seek ‘The Light” and may ” Noor” enlighten your heart and soul.


  24. Inna lil lahi wa inna illahi rajiyuun.

    Asalaam ‘O Alaiykum,

    A Believer is to be marvelled at because every condition of his is good. This is exclusive to the believer. If he attains happiness, he is thankful, and that is good for him, and if calamity overtakes him, he is patient, and that is good for him. The Messenger of Allah (SAW)

    “At times Allah Most High wishes to bestow a special rank of elevation to a servant, but the servant lacks the ability to atain that lofty rank solely by virtue of his righteous deeds. Allah Most High then afflicts him with some hardship by virtue of which he attains the desired lofty rank. In a noble hadith on the Day of Resurrection the people of good fortune and happiness will be jealous of those who underwent hardship and sorry. They will say “Would that our skins were cut to bits with scissors so that today we could have attained the ranks bestowed to the people of hardship.”
    The Path to Perfection by Shaykh Masihullah Khan.

    My Pyari sister may Allah swt grant you sabre only you will know what has passed through your heart. May Allah swt make ease for you in this life and the hereafter. May Allah grant your son and his two friends Jannah. Ameen.


  25. Bismillah.Dear sister, I cannot imagine your loss. May Allah give you the sabre and shukr each day. Ameen.
    Children are a blessing from Allah I have with Allah blessing 2 children, 18 & 14 and each day I thank Allah for them. Some 6 years ago I started wearing the hijab and my life changed as I started to have a closer and clearer relationship with my Creator. It goes with out saying everything around me had a different and more intense relationship. With my children I have learnt I did not want them to please me( hard lesson for any parent to learn)but to please their creator.
    I have no doubt your son and his friends had a beautiful relationship with their Creator, Ameen.
    Dear sister, your loss has been a lesson for all of us to enable ourselves and our children to achieve this.
    Jazak allah for your website.


  26. Walaikum Asalaam wa rahmatullah e wa barakatahu!
    Perhaps Allah SWT has sent you to a far away foreign territory as His SWT ambassadoe?

    May ALlah SWT give you strength, health and emaan to become an excellent Daee by example.

    My dua is with you, inshallah he will keep you safe from all harm.


  27. Asalaamu Alaikum,

    I wanted you to know that about a month ago I had to leave home for my studies. The first few nights alone in foriegn territory were anguish and in my search for ways to increase my imaan I came across your blog article “Searching for Eman” and since then Alhumdulillah this site has become the unlikliest sources of strength, insight and comfort. I think it is a hadith which says the believers are like mirrors for one another and as I have delved deep into my own soul during this painful khalwa it has been inspirational to join you on your journey. I hope inshAllah we are all able to attain that state of being like a traveller in this dunya and becoming true servants of Allah (SWT) no matter what comes our way.

    Please remember this sister in your dua’s.


  28. Alhamdollillah! Please do use it and give my web address as acknowledgement for this photo of my Hajj.
    May Allah reward you for this good work.


  29. Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu

    Sister, I was googling and found interested with one of your picture. Can I use it for social needed? Can we contact by e-mail? Thx..



  30. Salaams sister

    Your story is quite moving! May Allah swt shower you and your family with His Blessings. Rejoice in knowing that you are a lucky family.

    Allah swt chose you for this test because He loves you as the Prophet (pbuh) said: ” paraphrased “When Allah loves someone He tests him/her..” or as the Prophet pbuh said.

    You are also lucky, insha’Allah because your son had been shown his place in Paradise and he can’t wait to get there. This is something that you already know.

    But more importantly is as the Prophet’s (pbuh) hadith stated in Allah’s Hadith Qudsi: if you read Arabic, you will love this – and forgive me if I sound as if I’m preaching.. it is not my intention:

    إذا مات ولد العبد قال الله لملائكته: قبضتم ولد عبدي؟ قالوا: نعم. وهو أعلم، قال: ماذا قال؟ وهو أعلم، يقولون: يا رب حمدك واسترجع -مات ابنه فقال: إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون، الحمد لله على كل حال- قالوا: حمدك واسترجع، فقال الله جل وعلا: ابنوا لعبدي بيتاً في الجنة، وسموه بيت الحمد ) إِنَّمَا يُوَفَّى الصَّابِرُونَ أَجْرَهُمْ بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍ [الزمر:




  31. Asalaamoalaikum Sister,
    Your duas, touch me and I feel them reaching Arsh Elahi.

    May he grant every word you have written from your heart.


  32. Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu

    SubhaanAllah sister, this touched me deeply.

    Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’oon.

    May Allah ta’ala bestow upon your son and his friends mercy, may He accept their good deeds and forgive them their sins. May Allah ta’ala allow that their sadaqah jarriyah in this life continues to increase their scales of good. May they be granted a garden from the gardens of Paradise and be admitted into Jannat ul Firdaus.
    Allahumma Ameen.

    And as for you, my dear sister, I ask that Allah ‘azza wa jall bestows upon you patience, by which you patiently persevere in this life, looking forward to the fruits of the Hereafter, the meeting with your Lord, and the reunion with those beloved to you.

    And perhaps Camelot will never be the same, devoid of its same sweetness, but I pray your heart attaches firmly upon his deen and finds immense sweetness and khayr therein – an ease for your troubles, a rest for your soul and a light in your heart.

    May Allah bless and protect you. Ameen.

    Wa Salamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu

    Bint Amina


  33. Walaikum Asalaam wa rahmatullah e wa barakatahu………In all of the Sifaat of Allah (SWT) there is one called “my psychiatrist and Counselor”.

    He (SWT) is there for me through thick and thin, silently encouraging me even when I am in the deepest well of grief.

    The death of ones child take out the joy of living……..and one waits to accomplish what is needed to stay on the path of Jannah and all else falls by the wayside.

    Thank you for your kind words and duas, they mean a lot to me and others who are walking in similar shoes to mine.

    Jazaaik Allah hu Khairan, please keep me in your prayers.


  34. Assalaamu alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh,

    Inna Lillahi wa inna ilaihi raaji’oon.

    May Allah grant your son and his friends jannah and may they all be reunited in jannatul firdaus with their parents, ameen.

    You are doing a wondeful thing here sharing Qur’an and hadith with others and helping others through their grief; may Allah reward you abundantly for that dear sister, ameen.


  35. Jazaaik Allah hu Khairan DN, please continue to keep me in your prayers.
    Please do read the other posts especially the tafseers and add to them if possible. Thank you.


  36. Inna Lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raji’oon. This is the first post I have read on your blog and I am deeply touched for your losses. May Allah ease your sorrow in this world and reunite you with your beloveds in the next world, in the best of heavens possible. Ameen!


  37. Shukria, Shukran and jazaaik Allah hu Khairan, I want you to know this means so much to me!
    Please could you pray for Imran and Ebad (the other two friends of my son, who died with him) and their parents, in the haram and please give my salaam to our Rasool, peace and blessings be upon him. Tell him I revere him (PBUH)and want to follow his footsteps.
    May Allah reward you!


  38. I figured your story blogger mom.
    But the true test for us is to be steadfast in our patience. Amazingly tough isn’t it?
    May Allah(swt) grant us the strength and istaqamah. Ame’en.


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