It is raining and the mercy of Allah is pouring all around me and all I can think is of all the time wasted in my life, I am walking physically but mentally and emotionally I am stuck in the past.
How do you get out of the past when you do not have the know how nor the energy to do so.
The rain is a great purifier, it purifies and nourishes the earth, it purifies the salt of tears, mixing it with the salt of the earth, joining us from where we came and where we shall return.
The steps in the rain, the salt on my cheeks and the gentle purifying drops falling on my face are a great cleanser.
From the mist of the rain suspended in the air, there arise the ghosts of the past, neither clear nor well defined, in face but well conceptualized as consequences that show up as idea bulbs lighting up as I walk, unveiling my sins and mistakes. They do so for a fleeting instant long enough to give me insight into the past but not long enough for me to define them in any concrete manner nor long enough for me to linger on the details, and yet enough for me to mourn my mistakes.
All I am left with is deep sorrow, for myself, the actions of my past stemming out of ghafala and a haze of desire to please people, for all the wrong reasons.
Hindsight is 20/20 however the quagmire of the past memories is like quicksand where one drags oneself and sinks with everystep.
Looking into the misty horizon, Allah shows hope in the simple process of how the ocean gives up a part of its being to become mist and clouds and they melt in rain to return that love to it ……….an amanah and thus are we, we come from Him and to Him we shall return.
The search is how to become purified giving up our impurities and with them some part of our self in the process so that when we return to Him like the rain to the ocean, we are in a better condition than when we lived on this earth.