I am in search of the Siraat-e- Mustaqueem (The straight path). I have travelled the world looking for it. He who holds the map of the path I realized is “closer to me than my jugular vein”

I am also looking for purity of the heart, and how to take the “I” out of living and submerge oneself in the will & pleasure of Allah Subhanawataa’la

This does not mean I am already there.

I am a portrait in progress 🙂

WHO AM I AND WHERE DO I LIVE? (More about me)

My supplication:

Alahumma infa`ni bima `allamtani wa `allamni ma yanfa`uni!

OH ALLAH! Make useful for me what You taught me
and teach me knowledge that will be useful to me!

(taken from Rayon Soleil’s blog)

My guidelines for guest writers and commentators:

1. writers who want to be published must identify their real name, address and phone number.
2. I  receive a lot of mail and only a selection which deals with the specific content of this blog will be published.
3.  Sectarian and abusive comments will not be published.
Please keep the positive energies flowing:)
Allah knows best!

157 thoughts on “About

  1. Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, I saw on one of your posts that you quoted Sheikh Nuh’s Riyad Salihin course on Qibla. Is there any possibility of sending me the materials/notes for this course? I really wanted to take it but (1) I missed the date for the current course (December 2017) and (2) I cannot afford the course anyway being a gap year student who isn’t able to go to university due to riba loans in the uk, and both parents are unemployed.

    I haven’t been able to find a genuine commentary in English. The one by Darussalam publishing is a false Salafi commentary according to G F Haddad (and God Most High knows best).

    Any help would be appreciated, jazakAllahu khair

  2. Asalamoalaikum. I am visiting the blog after ages. Duas that all are in the best of health & eeman. Aameen. Sister Asqfish, your family, brother Anis & all who commented below: duas everyone is well.

    I dont see anymore comments from you, sister, or br Anis. I pray you all are well. I read a comment about br Anis divorce n 2nd marriage but did not see him mentioning it. How did this happen?

    • Salaams,
      I think you have not heard anything because perhaps one learns to live with ones grief eventually………….. all other news is not pertinent to this blog so you may want to contact him directly. Please keep me in your duas

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  4. Asalaamu’alaikum.

    Masha Allah, this is an excellent blog. I’ve just recently started up my own to keep me on ‘the straight path’ so to speak.
    In Sha Allah I gain inspiration from your excellent articles.

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  6. This was such an amazing and to the point introduction ! I guess all Muslims should fight and travel for getting these qualities which gives an awareness of one’s own self and Allah…..
    I am impressed by your thoughts…. You are on the right path…. And Allah will take you to the destination soon inshAllah 🙂
    Best of luck ! Many wishes and prayers to you…

  7. Simply love it mashaAllah! You have been blessed with the beautiful elegant talent of writing words that penetrates one’s heart, subhanAllah..
    May we be given sincerity in our path to Him..
    Allah Almighty said “O you who believe! if you help (the cause of) Allah, He will help you and make firm your feet..” in surah 47, verse 7.
    Having a blog and spreading His Word is a form of Da’wah and thus helping in the cause of Allah.
    So inshaAllah, He will help us find the straight path and make our feet firm on it as long as we are sincere, Ameen..
    BarakAllahu Feek wa JazakAllah Khayr Sis!

  8. my question to Anisur Rahman: now that you are living with your 2nd wife after divorcing Nabeel’s mother, are you happy? Have your pain for Nabeel lessened?

    • You are not passing through any difficult time now. Your difficult time is over, right? You have ensured that my difficult time will start……fine, let Nabeel see from heaven what you have done to me

  9. asalaam o alykum.
    i’m in search of siratim mustaqeem too inshaALalh.
    love ur blog, i can learn alot through it inshaALAlh,
    added ur blog to my blog roll.
    i’ll keep visiting inshaALAh, thanks
    take care salaam 🙂

  10. Sister Ameena,
    Alhamdollillah! you, your sister and your family are in my prayers.
    Imam Ghazali’s words in todays post will bring you some solace.
    Jazzaik Allah Khair, Ramadan Mubarak!

  11. Dear sister Asqfish and brother Anis,

    Please, keep my sister in your prayer. Last Ramadan she was alive and this Ramadan she is in grave. I miss her so much. I cry for her all the time. I am so upset. My whole family is suffering for her absence.

  12. Dear Sister
    In the eve of Ramadan, I would request you to remeber Nabeel and us in your prayers.
    With regards

  13. Dear Sister Asqfish,
    Asalaam o alaikum, write more about our religion. Still I am very sad. Whenever you write something give me some relief from my pain. God bless you.

  14. Walaikum asalaam,
    The best advice that I got was from the words of Allah. I went to http://www.alhudapk.com and reviewed the tafseer in Taleem ul Quran every day for fifteen to thirty minutes and sometimes more.
    He Subhanawataala helped me every step of the way in His own infinite wisdom.
    I wrote one section that comforts me:
    Hope it will help you too.
    May Allah protect and guide you, and give you solace and sabr.

  15. Dear Sister Asqfish,
    Asalaam o alaikum,
    Thank you, last few days I was suffering so much. Your response gives me peace. Death of my sister and other problems makes me very upset. Please, pray for me and my family that we can handle this situation. Give me more advice.

  16. Asalaam o alaikum sister Ameena!
    Those of us who believe that this world is our final world and it is the most beautiful place to be then we are mistaken!
    Only because this world is very brief and temporary.
    We are here to prove to Allah Subhanawataala that we are good people and that we are not weak and do not succumb to the enemy of our father i.’e; Shaytaan and thus we deserve Jannah.

    Sometimes He puts us in strife or takes away someone we love only to see if we are made of Jannat material or do we crumble at the first obstacle.

    There is no place in Jannah for weak minded, selfish, lazy, arrogant and dishonest people without sabr and purity in their heart.

    Therefore it is essential that we cleanse our hearts from all diseases of thoughts and actions to prepare to live in the most beautiful place that even our minds cannot imagine at this time.

    Sounds simple doesnt it, but just try doing it, it is immensely hard work, but tremendously rewarding.

    May Allah Subhanawataala grant you Jannah with your being mindful of Sabr, Shukr, salah and zakat.

  17. Dear sister Asqfish and brother Anis,

    Why God gives us so many tests. Why good people suffer and bad people enjoy this world so much. My sister was a very good and giving person why she suffered so badly. I feel very sad when I think all these.

  18. Dear Brother Anisur Rahman,

    May Allah grant him Jannatul Ferdaus. I’ll make dua for Nabil for his 22nd birthday.

  19. Dear Brother Anisur Rahman,

    Thank you for your support. I am having so much pain for my sister she suffered so much for her kidney dialysis. It was so painful she could not took it for long and she had a heart attack and passed away. My mom is so upset I don’t know how she will take this loss. I have nothing to say except tears in my eyes. Sometimes life is just too hard. May Allah make this hard time easy for us and make her grave a place of rest and illuminate it.

  20. Dear Sister Ameena,
    Asslamulaikum. I am so sorry to hear about your sister. But asking for my help is like asking a blind to lead another blind.
    To quote my respetable sister Asma,”This too will pass”. You you will be surprised by the resilience of the human spirit. I have come to believe very strongly Allah only gives a burden which is within one’s ability to bear. Sister Asma has given you all the leads that you need. My input, look at my life, you too will be able to bear.
    Yesterday was Nabeel’s birthday. He would be 22.

  21. Walaikum asalaam Sister Ameena,
    I am deeply saddened to hear of the loss of your dear sister. May Allah Subhanwataala forgive her sins, and elevate her to the finest levels of Jannah, and make her time in this passage easy on her.
    As for you, remember that you carry her beauty, her love and her generous qualities within you, do the things she liked, visit the people she liked as a sadaqa, give sadaqa in her name and read a lot of Quran with meaning and ask Allah to help you and her in this path towards him.
    Inshallah you will meet her in the Garden.

  22. Dear Sister ASqfish and Dr. Anisur Rahman,


    I lost my sister. I was so close to her. I am in so much pain I lost my interest to survive in this world. Oh God, it is so hard to take my life without her. Any suggestion? Please, give me some advise.


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  24. Assalamualaikum

    Alhamdulillah, i am happy for Shireen…congratulation sr Asqfish. You have brought her to succes…masha Allah.
    I wish i will be like you to my children.



  25. Walaikumasalaam wa rahmatullah e wa barakatahu,

    Hearts find repose in the remembrance of Allah, all else is transient……..

    May the days without Nabeel bring the mercy of Allah to give you comfort and may his remembrance give you repose.

    Thank you for your good wishes, and please keep us in your prayers.

    My salaams to the family. Jazzik Allah Khair.

  26. Dear Sister,
    Congratulations to Your daughter on becoming a doctor. Nabeel would have graduated in 2 years time.

  27. Assalaamu ‘alaikum sister,

    I really appreciate the amount of beneficial content in your blog. I am glad I found my way here and look forward to reading all your posts inshAllah. May Allah (swt) always guide you to what is best and khair! 🙂

  28. Salam,

    hehe @ textbook…i was just wondering if a non muslim asks me such a question how am i going to try and convince him logically in short time .wht u said they call it blind faith =| but anyway thank you..

    keep my in your prayers,please.

    P.S i love ur blog,i am so lucky to have found it,have learned a lot! Allah bless you!

  29. Asalaamoalaikum,
    Thank you for asking a question that requires a textbook for an answer:)

    Briefly all I have to say is: if we live in a pigstye should we continue to live in it happily and pretend it is the best place in the world? should we try to change it? or should we leave it and migrate elsewhere?

    I guess the first step is to recognise that the squelching sound coming from our feet is the garbage and mud of the pigstye, other decisions have to be made after that.

    Jazaaik Allah Khair, I am not an expert on Riba, but it is one act about which Allah says ” I will wage war on the person who indulges in Riba”……that is enough to scare me to death!

    Allah knows best, May He guide me, you and the entire Ummah how to get out of this mess.

    On another thought perhaps He (SWT) already has shown the way by pulling the rug out of the Market?
    Jazaaik Allah Khair.

  30. Salam,

    Sister,i have a question..want to know wht u say abt this…

    see..riba is prohibited? islam is way of life? its logical? its complete…its close to nature of a man? but then why there are so many things that we find either hard or impossible to apply in todays life…one being riba.. how can we apply riba rulings by islam in present world? ..internationally?in present world its impossible to trade without loans etc and we cant avoid banks too….also y should i donate my interest to banks when i can give it to some poor banks do trading n earn money with our investment??? so we cant actually avoid riba at all? in islam there is no concept of sale purchase? all transanctions were in gold and theres concept of baitulmaal? but i thought islamic teachings were for all times to come..i am confused. help!

    thank you.

  31. Dear Sister Zehr,
    Assalamu alaikum. Thank you for taking the time and effort to show me the way. I understand everything you have said. I have gone through the Quran again and again, reading the translations from authentic sources. I have read the explanations again and again. But the pain is still so intense.
    I am an ordinar person. Another ordinary person my friend X will die at a ripe old age surrounded by his children and grand children. He would have seen his children grow up, get married, have children of their own. My friend would die a contended man. Compared to that I shall have a lonley death, may be cared by some unknown nurse, grieving for my son till the last dying breath. Very difficult to find justice here. But belive me I am trying. I am trying to understand this calamity in my life, whether punishment or a trial. But I am so ordinary, neither a great sinner nor a great righteous person. That is why it is so difficult. Why was I condemned to a life of never ending grief?
    Pray for me sister.

  32. Do you think that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and hardship and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, “When (will come) the Help of Allah?” Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allah is near!
    (Surah al-Baqarah, 2:214)

  33. Walaikum assalam Br Anisur Rahman

    When i was/am in pain , i reminid myself this “Surely we come from Allah and surely to Him we return!Lord, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in return, which only You, the Exalted and Mighty, can give.”

    read sahaba stories from sahaba.net , i know u read Quran , but ponder on every verse of quran .. Inshallah ur pain would lessen. This world , our children spouses wealth is just a test for us .. don’t give up yet . May be Allah has something big in store for u inshallah . Allah never does unjustice to anyone . i know it hurts to bury ur children , keep ur grip firm on the path of Allah , keep struggling ur success is near inshallah. soon we’ll all meeet our spouses, parents children siblings most importantly Our creator. The time is so near . How fast our life passed by . Some of us are 30 , some 40 50 years old etc … in a blink of an eye we turne 30 / 40 yo and how long will we survive another 30 0r 20 years ? This world is nothing , compare to the eternity that we are going. You’ve done so much good for hundreds of people , all those people loves you and grateful to you . But Allah is most loving , do u think He will not reward you for all ur goodness , all ur sufferings ? And His reward is far better than anything of the world. Ask Allah for patience

  34. Walaikum asalaam wa rahmatullahe wa barakatahu,
    Allah Subhanawataa’ala will strengthen your emaan if you ask him……………and may you do so often and with sincerity.
    Everyday our emaan goes up or down, I pray that it continues to go up because with it comes freedom anmd happiness.
    Please keep me in your prayers.

  35. Assalaamualaikum wa rahmatullah
    Umar bin abdul aziz (R.a) is reported to have said as he was covering over his young son’s body with sand ; “May Allah have Rahmah on you my son – you have always been a source of goodness for your father. I was always happy with you during your life(of righteousness and acts pleasing to Allah) and now by your death, i am more happy with you (by drawing me closer to Allah )”
    SubhaanAllah, ya rabbi put in our hearts what you gave this ‘abd of yours whose happiness and unhappiness was measured only by closeness to his Rabb !!!
    When he, (r.a) was once asked “what do you desire /love most for yourself?” He replied “Ma yaqdhillahu ‘azza wa Jal – whatever Allah, the Sublimely Majestic has decreed for me ” !!!

  36. Asalaam o alaikum sister Solace
    Alhamdollilah, thank you for your comment and please correct me with the Quran and Sunnah if I err in my comments or my posts.
    May Allah guide us in all we do and say.
    Jazaaik Allah hu Khairun.

  37. Dear Sister Zehr,
    Assalamualaikum. I am grateful for your advice and dua. I am an average human being. But I am being asked to bear the burden of a superman. I am trying, as Allah is my witness I am trying very hard. There is a big difference between believing in a faith and living in the faith. It is one thing to say what ever Allah does is for the best while being surrounded by one’s family and saying the same thing standing in front of the grave of your only child. But I am trying. Every morning from Fazr to Isha, in each and every step that I take, in my eavery thought, I have my son’s memories and the fear that I shall let him down. My obsession with my son and my obsessions with the Akhira has become one. Even then the pain never gives me any respite. Can you tell me from your vast wisdom how I can live my life again. Or is it that I am already dead in my soul and only the body is going on with life…….May Allah protect you and sister Asma from all the evils of this life.

  38. Plz have faith on Allah , He has created us and looks after us. It may sound cliche but sometimes i wonder If a mother who gives birth to a child loves him/her so dearly ,just imagine how much Allah loves HIS servant , HE created us from dust ! Who will take care of your sons ,and spouses and parents ,siblings etc better than Allah subhanawatala ?
    Prophet (PBUH) said , anyone who believes in la ilaha illalah muhammadur rasullallah is going to jannah …Be happy that our children and parents and spouses who passed away were muslims Alhamdolillah and left on the faith that ‘theres no other deity worthy of worship but Allah and Prophet Mohammad (SW) was HIS messenger ‘ .. they were successful in their struggle and Inshallah in better company than us , so why worry ? Have trust on Allah ; This is a trial for all of us , our struggle to please Allah is ongoing as long as we are alive . So brothers & sisters , have faith that ur family is in better place and take care of your imaan & livelihood. our time is near.Salam to all.

    “O Allah forgive the deceased muslims who bore witness to Your oneness and the message of Your Prophet and passed away upon this
    O Allah forgive then , have mercy on them , pardon them grant them an honorable abode
    and save them on the Day of judgement
    and let them be foremost in entering Your loftiest garden .O Allah have mercyon Me when i too placed beneath the earth .O my Lord
    I have come to Your door .Donot forsake me “

  39. Dear Brother Ahsan and sister Rubina.
    Assalamualaikum. I am sorry for your loss. May Allah give you the strength to bear the loss and the strength to go ahead with life. At least you are in a better position to face life. Death of one’s wife or parents, however painful it may be, there is always the element of hope. Brother Ahsan you can go on as you have a son to raise, Sister Rubina you have a family to look after. But death of a child and if it is the only child brings the natural order to halt. You feel deprived and then angry and then hopelessness. It is the time when Iblis plays lot of tricks. It is difficult to hold on to the rope of deen. I am fighting the devil for last 14 months after the death of my only child. Alhamdulillah the crisis has brought me and my wife much closer to Allah then we ever were. I am grateful to Sister Asma for her inputs in this blog.
    Please pray for us and my son Nabeel.

  40. walaikum asalaam Rubina,
    May Allah reward you for sharing your heart with us and giving us inspiration to submit to Allah and our Qadr. You have done so at such a young age mashallah!

    May Allah Subhanawataala continue to unveil our hearts, I await more words of inspiration from you, inshallah!

  41. Assalamualaikum

    I would love to share my life experience. My mum returned to Allah exactly three yrs ago. Alhamdulillah, the person i am today is not the one I was three yrs ago.

    My mum was diagnosed with cancer and she survived for about four yrs after she was diagnosed. I read alot about alternate therapies and healing books. i did not want her to go through chemotherapy. MY life was hell, I wanted to control how she should be treated and when and by whom. My father is an extremely stubborn man and he would not listen to anything i said. He wanted to go his way. It was either his way or nothing . i realised that where my stubborness came from and i decided to surrender to his decisions for a while. i was never happy. in the process my poor mother had to witness all these arguements.

    When my mum was at her last did i realise that its not about my dad or me or the doctor but that Allah was in control. It was painful , but the most profound revelation, as it was at that moment that I truly became Muslim. It was then that i felt the connection with Allah. Alhamdulillah, since then i feel Allah’s presence in my life and He is guiding my family and I all the time. My mum returning to Allah has been my submission and true surrendering to the will of Allah. Now i feel and i am getting to know Allah day by day, Subhan-Allah.

    Allah has amazing ways of unveiling our hearts.

  42. Walaikum asalaam wa rahmatullah e wa barakatahu, brother Siddiqi,
    I am deeply touched by what you have shared with all of us, and I am inspired by your deep faith and sense of place in this world and your absolute reliance on Allah Subhanawataala.
    Thank you for your excellent advice, I just read words that reinforce yours…….in “The invocation of God” by Ibn qayyim Jawziya, that when a man who had died, was asked what did he regret most? He replied “those moments when my tongue was not moist with Allah’s Dhikr”
    May Allah reward you for sharing this, for helping all of the bereaved readers, myself and brother Anis,I will read your note often to remind and re-orient myself to what is important forever.
    Jazaaik Allah hu Khairan, may Allah fill your heart with solace and sakeena that only He SWT can send.

  43. Assalamualikum, to both of u. i just wanted to say some thing that might help. on jan 15, 2009. i lost my beloved wife. she was only 27 years old, she was also pregnant and the happiest person i know she always had a smile on her face. i have a son 5 years old, i have told him mommy went to heaven, but he doesnot understand. one thing i always believe is that your time on this earth is only so much you cannot live one second longer then what is decreed by Allah(SWT). i will tell u story, a week later i went to visit my wifes grave. i decided to get some flower for the grave, and the lady behind the counter asked me who are they for, so i told her about my departed wife. you wont believe it she told me that her mother passed away when she was 4 years old. she was over come with grief for my son and i. all im saying is that what happened to us is not unique, i do not mean to minimize your loss believe me one month fells like a decade. but i believe by the mercy of Allah(SWT) all our deceased are in jannah, and even though we long for then every second isnt it where we would all want to go once we leave this earth. one thing that helps me is making a lot of zikir and forwarding the reward to not only my dearly departed wife but also to all the departed muslims. INSHAHALLAH when we leave this earth, by the mercy of Allah(SWT) we will be with our loved ones in jannah. fill your heart with the zikir of Allah(SWT), send drood and salaam on our beloved Prophet as much as u can, and give as much charity as u can. and send all the reward to your deceased and all the deceased muslims, for Allah(SWT) is all Mighty, he will give and there will be no shortage for your loved one’s. may Allah(SWT) give you both, my son and i, and all the muslims who have lost a love one sabar.

  44. Dear sister,
    Assalamualikum. May be because you still have Shirin and your maternal instinct for her well being guides you. Allah Has left you with the instrument for some degree of peace in this world. For me every thing has stopped.
    Sister, pray for me. I still eagerly wait for some inspiration from your explanations of the deen.

  45. Alhamdollillah! it seems that Nabeels has reached the next level, inshallah! and is at peace.
    Inshallah you will also be at Peace soon, but the risk is that once you get that peace, you may forget Allah Subhanawataala’s love and become distracted with dunya once again, or you may be pulled back into the rat race, once people feel you are “over it”.
    Beware of going back to who you were, you are inshallah in a much better place now with Allah Subhanawataala, may he continue you and me on his path towards jannah consistently in measured steps till we reach our destination.

  46. Dear Sister,
    Last night (Jumma) I saw my grandfather in a dream. He died 10 years back at the age of 90. This is the first time I have dreamt him. He was looking very fit and in white robe. He had come to pray for Nabeel whom I saw in the dream after about 1 year. Nabeel was in the ICU but at a much younger age. As my nana was praying by his side, I kissed Nabeel’s forehead. Everytime I did that he openened his eyes, looked at me with a sweet smile and then went back to sleep. He was looking so peaceful. Both my nana and Nabeel seem to be in a very happy mood.
    One is suppose to share happy dreams that is why I have posted this.
    Keep us in your prayer.

  47. Walaikum Asalaam, may Allah subhanawataala give you joy once again in life.
    Yesterday our Imam said that if our husband our wife dies, we should seek to marry again as it is half of emaan.
    May Allah Subhanawataala make it easy for you.
    JazaaikAllah hu Khairan.

  48. As’salamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Baraqatuhu.
    Dear Aunt,
    ‘m xtrmly sorry 4 not responding on time..Actually I didn’t click in ur site 4 a long time.2day I clicked & felt ashamed 2 C that U’ve asked me something & I didn’t reply U back.. Again ‘m remorsefully sorry cuz Dz actz’re against D Real Mua’milaat & Mua’shiraat, which a practicing Muslim must care 1st..
    Anyway, itz so tough 4 me 2 tell a new person about D tragedy of my life,simply I don’t find words 2 explain it. I’m a 27 yrz old widow. I got married on 28th of July,`07 at D age of 25 yrz & 9 months and lost my beloved husband,Rana, on Dec14,’o7 at D age og 26 yrz & 2 mnthz. My conjugal life lasted only 4 4 months & a half. My man was 31 yrz & 8 mnthz when he left this world. U know I had only A’aqd & our wedding reception was on Dec 17.My reception’s Mehendi was Dued on Dec15,Rana’s one was on Dec16 & our Boubhaat ( a part of the marriage ceremony in Bangladesh,itz kinda occassion)was on Dec18. But….nothing happened in reality.My dreams are doomed. My hubby became suddenly sick on Oct1 due 2 xtrm stomache,later D Docs dtected thru their diagonsis that itz “Acute Pancreatitis”, later it became a Necrotizing one. He was on the Ventilator for 73 days in D ICU, he fought & fought… but atlast cldnt make it atlast.. Dr.Rezaul Islam & Uncle Anisur Rahman treated him mainly. U know when he was terribly ill & everybody was speaking nagative words,I nvr believed dem either..I nvr blvd that really Rana’ll leave me.. We did whatever D Docs , D Ula’mas & othr adviced us 2 do.. We tried 2 save him but ALLAH(SWT) chose D best place 4 him & took him in HIS own custody, D best custody ever. I know no prayers are gone or wasted,surely ALLAH(SWT) has granted each & every words of mine & In’sha’ALLAH ‘ll grant now & always too, only I’ve to be patient till my last breath. I’ve no words about my fate,not at all. ‘m not angry wz ALLAH(SWT) or ‘ll nvr evr complain 4 anything. Cuz I blv in good & bad of Taqdeer and whatever comes 4m I’ve 2 accept it without any ques.. If I wanna shekayet 4 anything ,I do it wz ALLAH(SWT)..Alhamdulillah I see my hubby frequently in my dream & Ma’sha’ALLAH they’re so heavenly. Itz a neayamah 4m ALLAH(SWT) dat he allows me 2 C my Rana in my drmz,itz a true blessing ever.I know In’sha’ALLAH I’ll meet my husband in JANNAH..Plz pray 4 my Rana & me,now and always..In’sha’ALLAH ‘ll keep in touch.

  49. Asalaamoalaikum Brother Anis,
    I thought about Tariq, his friends and Nabeel a lot when I heard about Gaza.
    I pray for the parents of the children of GAZA. You and I know the pain they are in.
    I was just thinking that Tariq would be turning 24 this year, but he is a timeless world where there is no count of years and inshallah all the boys are in a good place and in good hands.
    It is just that we are bereft and life has lost its verve.
    May Allah Subhanawataala give you sabr and istiqamah, please keep me and my family in your prayers.

  50. Dear Sister,
    Asslamualaikum. How are you doing. It has been a long time since I have received any inspiration from you. Donot forget this brother of yours.

  51. Dear Sister
    As the days go by people are getting more and more engrossed in their life, which is normal and expected. But my pain increases daily. I know I am not supposed to but everyday “what if?” and “whys” are simply gnawing my heart out. All my prayers and my efforts are not helping me. Do you think Allah Has sealed my heart and blocked me from all his Rahma?
    Where is the solace, where is the peace. Is it a sin to pray for one’s death.

  52. Dear Sister,
    Assalamualaikum. An old wise man consoled me once by saying that Nabeel will be irreplacable in your life but you will be surprised by the amount of affection that Allah (SWT) may provide from unexpected quarters.
    As they days passed by, I am realizing the full meaning of his statetement.
    May Allah grant us peace in this world and salvation in the next.

  53. Asalaam o alaikum Sr FR,
    Your heart seems to also be hurting. You know that the only one who can heal it and set it free is Allah Subhanawataa’la.

    May He give you the comfort, sabr and sakeena that He gives to His loved ones.

    Do share your story with us.

    You are welcome to call me Aunty. I will be honored.

    Inna lil lahi wa inna elayhe rajaeown.

  54. Salam.Dear Uncle”Anis”,I`ve been reading this blog 4 last an hour & a half quietly and those old memories started whrilling around me.I couldn`t help myself in leaving my comment. My heart`s already broken into countless pieces after my Rana`s departure U know.A year ago U ,I used 2 call U “Respected Doc”. I was disturbing all those Docs,sisters,security guards of Apollo who was related wz Rana, like nothing but Hell…but I was xtrmly desperate & didn`t care 4 a second that what other might think. Still I can remember the day when Nabeel got inside the CCU..Ufff,itz totally unbearable. But U know uncle What????Those 2.5 months of Apollo changed me in everyway.Even now I`m not familiar wz my present nature.Now-a-days when I used 2 look at D mirror,every time I wonder about myself…Uncle,I`ll mail U soon.I didn`t write any mail 2 U after Hajj. Actually 4 past few days I was searching 4 Islamic groups over Facebook,so cldnt get enough time 4 writing besides fwd ing 3/4 mails. Today I wrote Rana`s full name & clicked D google search,found 2/3 old documents of GP, nothing new..but when I clicked D search bar by writing Nabeel`s name,to my utter surprise..Ma`sha`Allah I`ve found 221 results! I felt a heartache 2 see Rana & Nabeel`s name the way itz there in D web..They were there after their departure….Uncle, day by day this world`s turning more meaningless to me…. Now `m counting my moments to meet Allah(SWT) & In`sha`Allah surely He will grant me my Rana again the moment I`ll meet Him(SWT). I`m trying my best to prepare myself on D right way;the way of Allah(SWT),Prophet Muhammad(SAWS) & the the Siraat-ul-Mustaqeems. My prayer`s always there for Nabeel along wz my Rana.Also I`ll Pray 4 Tariq,Ebad & othrz In`sha`Allah.May Allah(SWT) forgive all of us & bless us wz Khairah, Rahmah,Baraqah,A`afiyah,Najah,Magfirah, Hidayah,Taqwah,Neyamahs..Ameen..Ameen..Ameen..Uncle, convey my salam,love & heartfelt regards 2 aunt Mina.. My special regardsz there4 Respected Asqfish,`m sorry as `m a new person here & don`t know that much about U beside this blogs of Uncle Anis. Would U mind if I call U”Aunt”? Anyway Jazak`Allah 4 such a wonderful blog.
    Plz pray 4 my Rana, me,our parents,families & entire Muslim Ummah.

  55. I have been reading this blog for the last few days with a very heavy heart. I was in close contact with Nabeel and Mina apa during Nabeel’s Rutgers time. Nabeel one day asked me, ‘have you talked to ammu lately (over phone)?’. I said ‘no’. He promptly said,’ good, if you happen to talk to ammu, don’t tell her that I am fasting, she will be worried.’ It was Ramadan. Nabeel kept on fasting almost for the whole period, except 2/3 days of his exam. I told him not to fast as he may fall sick or tired. He said,’No, no, I am fine’. I also saw him rushing to the nearby mosque at the Busch campus one day.
    Today I attended the doa mehfil at Nabeel’s residence. Nabeel keeps coming back to my mind over and over again. I keep Nabeel in my prayers along with my children and few other persons personally related to me.
    I read surah Yasin as soon as I heard that Nabeel was on life support last year. My rears were rolling down my face while I was reading the Surah. I experience the same feeling whenever I think of Nabeel now. May he be granted the best place in Zannat.
    I am sorry for posting my feelings, as I could not keep myself away from being a part of the blog. I fail to imagine beyond a certain point when I try to situate myself and my son in the same position of Mina apa, Anis Bhai and Nabeel. The pain is unbearable.

  56. Walaikum asalaam wa rahmatullah e wa barakatahu!
    It will be a difficult day for you and your family, try and stay together if you can.

    Ahamdollillah! this too shall pass.

    Inshallah, we will be making dua for you and your family and for Nabeel. May he be given the best place in Jannah and for his parents inshallah to earn a place next to him.

    May Allah Subhanawataa’a fill your heart with sabr and salaat.

  57. Dear Sister,
    Assalamualikum. Nabeel left us on the 16th Dec of last year at around 4:30 PM (BDT). We are arranging for a dua mahfil on that day. We have also arranged for special meals in several madrasa and prayer sessions.
    Sister I would request you and your friends to specially pray for him on that day.

  58. Dear Sister Asqfsh,
    Assalamualikum, I like your writing and the sabar you have. Alllah SWT gives us strength and courage to survive in this cruel world. God, people are so busy with themselves. Only God can save us.
    I hope and pray for your happier life. Sister why God make this world so hard?

  59. Dear Sister,
    Assalamualikum. Yesterday was the day, when one year back Nabeel was put on ventillator. The last time I talked to him was at 10:35 AM. It is getting more and more painful. My grief one year back was like a fast flowing river, now as if the water has entered a flood plain. The volume is much more but not as visible as before. Pray for me sister. I am still waiting for that streak of dawn after the darkness of night. Pray for Nabeel. Please ask your friends and companions to pray for him. I am truly tired. I hope I can some how pass through 16th of Dec. It is the victory day for Bangladesh, but it is the day when I met with ultimate defeat.

  60. Walaikum Asalaam,
    As far as I know, you can burn them or shred them so that the words are not together.

    Perhaps some of the readers can contribute more info.

    A tip from my youngest brother:
    A nice way to carry photocopied pages of the Quran to memorize or read in your pocket or briefcase on a trip is to slip them in a clear plastic page cover. They stay clean and untouched and yet accessible for reading, and after you have completed it you can do the above.

    Allah knows best, He knows we are trying and mean no disrespect to His word in intent and action.

  61. Dear Sister,
    I would like your help in solving a small problem. During my studies of Quran and the Hadith, I have made many photocopies and notes which have the verses or their translation. How to dispose of these papers with the verses of the Quran, without showing disrespect.
    Thanks in advance.

  62. walaikum asalaam wa rahmatullah i wa barakatahu brother,
    My prayers are with you, inshallah you are on the Path to Him Subhanawataala…..He has been waiting for you. May He accept all your prayers and your tears and give you Nabeel at the gates of Jannah! Inshallah.

  63. Dear Sister,
    Assalamualaikum. The reason why I made a list is to make myself understand. I made the list and studied it for a long time. I found that Allah Has given me all my life. Bounties beyond all my aspiration. Now that He has taken something, that too such a pure soul as Nabeel, there must be a reason. I have to look harder and deeper. Pray for me so that I can know true answer before I am called to Him.

  64. ALHAMDOLLILAH! May Allah Subhanawataa’la accept your Sabr and Shukr.
    Enjoy your birthday, the best you can with your family, friends and patients, they all love you inshallah!
    Please keep us in your prayers.

  65. Dear Sister,
    Assalamualaikum. Yesterday was my 53rd birtday.
    Alhamdulillah. I am grateful to Allah
    1. I was born a Muslim.
    2. I was born healthy without any congenital defect.
    3. I have very loving parents who are still here after 53 years and still praying for me and taking care of me.
    4. I was born in a family with strong religious and ethical values, with halal livelihood.
    5. I was born in an educated family. All my siblings and their spouses are PhDs.
    6. I have never known poverty of wealth or of affection.
    7. I have been healthy all my life, without any serious illness even up to 53 years.
    8. I have been educated to the highest level in the most prestigious institutions at home and abroad.
    9. I have been most successful in my educational carreer.
    10. I have a very successful career, with name and fame all over the country.
    11. I am considered rich by my country’s standard.
    12. I am healthy to say my salat, keep fast.
    13. I have a loving family.
    14. I had a son who was healthy all his life. He was good looking, polite, gentle, humble and pious.
    15. He came out at the top of his class all the time.
    16. We never had any problem with him at any stage of his life.
    17. In his 20 tears he gave us joy, love, affection and brought honor to us that many people donot get even in 80 years.
    So today on my 53rd birthday I pray to Allah to express my gratitude, and pray that I can pass the extreme test that He has put me through. Even in my shattered soul I believe in His decree He did what is best for me and my Akherat. Ameen

  66. Assalamualaikum,

    This blog is given the “Butterfly Award”….i hope that you could paste the banner somewhere in this blog 🙂


  67. Dear Sister Asqfish,
    It is so great to read your writing. Sister you are very brave and understanding. I am proud of you.
    Last month was a bad month for me. I suffered so much. Then I read your writing and that gave me mental support. Good job. Keep on helping us and teach us more about Islam.
    Take care and be a happy person.

  68. Walaikum Asalaam Br Anis,
    Every milestone is a test of sabr and painful. It is best approached with submission to Allah Subhanawataala.
    You son inshallah is in a beautiful place, free of anxiety, depression and the temptation of sin. He completed what he had come to do in this world, and is now with His Lord under his Rahma.
    You of course miss him, because he was an essential part of you and you love him. Allah Subhanawataala is the same way with us, we are His creation and He loves us and yet we are often disobedient to him or heedless of what he has asked us to do.
    He says in the Quran that I have not asked you to do anything that is harmful to you……..and have only stopped you from doing something if it is harmful for you”
    How does this relate to us and our children? Allah knows best, we have to trust him and in our sadness and torment remember Him continuously so He opens the window of light to brighten our souls.

    I went to the cemetery yesterday, a beautiful fall sunshiny day, and I noted that my mother and my son are buried in ” the garden of truth”

    May Allah Subanawataala allow you to get closer to him so that you can feel His infinite love.

  69. Thank you sister. Lailatal Qadar is tonight. Last year I prayed with my son. I remember during the Eid prayer, the Imam was saying that next year many of us will not be here; at that time I never knew it will be so true for my son.
    Thank you again for supporting me all these days. May Allah give you the best of everything in life and here after.

  70. Walaikum asalaam wa rahmatullah wa barakatahu Sister Ameena,
    Your graceful prayers and your kindness in checking in is heartwarming.
    May ALlah reward you for all the love and compassion you bring with your words.
    Please convey my condolences to Shayaan’s parents and please tell them that inshallah Allah SWT will give him the best place in Jannah, since He took Shayaan so early in life.
    and Shayaan inshallah will be waiting for them at the gates of jannah to accompany them in.
    Jazaakallah hu Khairan.

  71. Dear Sister Asqfsh & Brother Anisur Rahman,

    Asalaam ‘Alaikum. Sister, sorry to hear your husband’s accident I hope he feels better. Please pray for us.

    Brother Anisur Rahman, how are you? I always pray for Nabeel, Tariq and Shayaan. Shayaan’s parents are very sad and restless. He left us only three and half months ago.

    May Allah SWT never touch you with the finger of grief, not now not ever and may He give you the best in this world and the the best in the Hereafter.

  72. walaikum asalaam wa rahmatullah i wa barakatahu.
    I had to cancel my Ramadan Ummrah as my husband had an accident. He fell from the ladder outside the house, and fractured his vertebra.
    Alhamdollillah, Allah has been merciful and he is gradually progressing in his healing every day bit by bit, but remains in pain as you can expect from a spine fracture.
    Nabeel along with Tariq, Im and Ebad is in my every prayer.
    May Ramadan bring the best for you on Lailatul Qadr.
    Please keep us in your prayers.

  73. Dear Sister Asqfish,

    Asalaam ‘Alaikum.

    Hope all is well with you. When you are leaving for Mecca. Please, sister pray for me specially.

    Ramadan Mubarak!

  74. Alhamdollillah, Ramadan kareem to all! especially brother Anis and his family.
    Br Anis if you have the desire to go to Allah’s house then indeed He (SWT) has embraced you.

    May Allah SWT give you the opportunity to go for Hajj and before that inshallah for Ummrah with your family.
    Ramadan Mubarak!

  75. Walaikum Asalaam wa rahmatullah e wa barakatahu.
    Thank you so much for keeping us in your prayers.

    Allah SWT is showing me some possibility that I may be able to go for the last ten days of Ramadan for itikaaf in the Haram in Mecca.
    Please pray that this wish comes true and that I make the journey in health and awareness.

    It is because of beautiful people like you that br. Anis and I and our families find solace.

    May Allah SWT never touch you with the finger of grief, not now not ever and may He give you the best in this world and the the best in the Hereafter.

  76. Dear Sister Asqfish & Brother Anisur Rahman,

    Asalaam ‘Alaikum

    Blessings Of Allah On You! A warm and heartfelt Ramadan wish for your near and dear ones. I hope you guys are doing well. I know it will be very hard for you to celebrate Holly month of Ramadan and Eid . But still we have to live our life.

    Abu Hurairah (RA) reported that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said,
    “There are three people whose supplications are not rejected. The fasting person when he breaks the fast, the just ruler and the supplication of the oppressed”.


  77. Life is full of sorrows and pains. Why God gives us so much pain. Why he made this world so tough. Why people suffers so much in their life. Why small children are starving for food and don’t get any support. Why people cry all the time.

  78. Dear Sister Asqfish,

    I could not find out Tariq’s photos. Can you tell me more details if possible.
    Jazaaik Allah hu Khairan

  79. Walaikum as salaam wa rahmatullah e wa barakatahu!
    Tariq and Ims picture is on the post “sons”
    Please keep us in your prayers,
    Jazaaik Allah hu Khairan

  80. Dear Sister Asqfsh & Brother Anisur Rahman,
    ASM. I hope you are doing well. I am doing fine by the Grace of Almighty. Brother I always see Nabil’s photo in facebook. Very nice photos. Sister is there any way I can see some Tareq’s photos.
    Thank you for your response.

  81. Ameen!

    Brother thank you for sharing this with us, it is very heart warming and comforting.

    May Allah brings you the best of companions and may the best of friends of this world become the friends of Jannah. May ALlah SWT cast an eye of Rahma on you as your words has cast on us.
    JazaaikAllah hu Khairan.

  82. assalamualeikum ai rahmatullah…..
    tariq…shayan….nabeel….mashallah all of them are soo lucky……they are soo lucky mashallah…..to have left behind such wonderful parents and friends…i believe everyday not a moment passes by without som1 praying for them…..mashallah everyone is praying for them…..i knew nabeel..not personally but one of my past neighbours…and i know where his grave is…..one of my family members grave is close by to his…..almost everyday i go there i see som1 is always there…..som1 is alwas there…..irrespective of the time…..oneday i saw 2 boys…just 2 days back……one of them was crying soo much……i went up to him and sat beside him…..i wanted to ask him how he is related to nabeel….he din say nething….but beneath all the crying he was praying…..it occured to me that how lucky is nabeel that som1 prays for him so intensly…..after he finished his prayers we toked…..he was one of his friends…..mashallah…..that day in my prayers i prayed to allah that i may have such friends….may allah give strength to nabeel’s tariq’s and shayaan’s family and may he grant these innocent children his promised paradise……

  83. Asalaam oalaikum Sister Ameena and Sister Farhana, I am deeply touched by your compassion, love and prayers.
    May Allah reward you in all possible ways.
    I will try to memorize some of the duas you have sent.
    Please keep us in your duas.

  84. Dear Sister asqfsh & Dear Brother Anisur Rahman,
    Nice to hear from you. I pray for Tareq, Nabil and Shayaan. I saw Shayaan grow infront of my eyes when I think about him I think about Tareq and Nabil as well. I hope they all are in paradise. I lost my dad when I was very young. Whenever I read brother Anisur Rahman’s letters I always think may be my dad was also felt that way. God grant you peace I try to do some duas I like to share with you.

    Our Lord! Grant us good in this world and good in the life to come and keep us safe from the torment of the Fire. Qur’an (2:201)

    Our Lord! Bestow on us endurance and make our foothold sure and give us help against those who reject faith. Qur’an (2:250)

    Our Lord! Take us not to task if we forget or fall into error. Qur’an (2:286)

    Our Lord! Lay not upon us such a burden as You did lay upon those before us. Qur’an (2:286)

    Our Lord! Forgive us our sins and the lack of moderation in our doings, and make firm our steps and succour us against those who deny the truth. Qur’an (3:147)

    Our Lord! Whomsoever You shall commit to the Fire, truly You have brought [him] to disgrace, and never will wrongdoers find any helpers Qur’an (3:192)

    Our Lord! Behold we have heard a voice calling us unto faith: “Believe in your Lord” and we have believed. Qur’an (3:193)

    Our Lord! Forgive us our sins and efface our bad deeds and take our souls in the company of the righteous. Qur’an (3:193)

    Our Lord! And grant us that which you have promised to us by Your messengers and save us from shame on the Day of Judgement. Verily You never fail to fulfill Your promise. Qur’an (3:194)

    Our Lord! We have sinned against ourselves, and unless You grant us forgiveness and bestow Your mercy upon us, we shall most certainly be lost! Qur’an (7:23)

    Our Lord! Place us not among the people who have been guilty of evildoing. Qur’an (7:47)

    Our Lord! Lay open the truth between us and our people, for You are the best of all to lay open the truth. Qur’an (7:89)

    Our Lord! Pour out on us patience and constancy, and make us die as those who have surrendered themselves unto You. Qur’an (7:126)

  85. Dear Sister,
    Assalamualaikum. I am glad to hear from you again. I hope the marrige of your daughter has gone off smoothly by the Grace of Allah. We are doing well physically Alhamdulillah but psychologically we are gradually spiriling into an abyss. I am trying very hard and your advice and reflections in the blog is very helpful.
    Dear sister Ameena. Shayan is from the same school, Scholastica, as my son. In fact they were in the same year but in different sections. Also Shayan left Scholastica after O level. Shayan had sent a condolance message to his sister regarding Nabeel only few days before his accident.
    I thank you for your duas. You have absolutely no idea how heavy this burden is.

  86. Brother Anis, Asalaaamoalaikum,
    Sister Ameena.s words are the dua that we all make for you your family and Shayaan;s parents.
    May Allah forgive us and give us sabr e jameel.

  87. Dr. Anisur Rahman,
    I have seen your son’s (Nabeel) photos as well as your comments. It really touches my heart. I am one of the relatives of Shayaan (19 years old) who was died in Arizona. I went their when he was in life support very hard situation. It was such a sad accident even for us it was so difficult to handle. His parents and sister came from back home. Shayaan’s parents took him back home. That was the biggest burden a man can carry. Any way God grant you and your family peace.

  88. Brother let me again urge you to seek solace at the House of Allah. Believe me no living being can give you what He(SWT) gives you, when you ask at His door.

  89. Dera Sister,
    Many days back you promised to look into the matter and discuss about Allah’s decree and our efforts in treating the sick. Another request was for interpretetion of a certain dream.
    I am sorry to bother you like this but I have so little time. I am planning a change in career. I donot want to continue as a doctor when I could do little to save my baby. If it is really true that no prayer and no human effort can change what has been decreed then why spend the time and effort? I have been treating patient for last 26 years and I have more then 1500 students who are now doctors treating multitude of patients. If all these were decided and nothig can change these then I donot want to be a doctor any more.

  90. Jazaaik Allah hu Khairan Brother, may Allah bring you the best in this world and the next. I was feeling very sad for the past 24 hours despite all my efforts.
    I will listen to the Khutba. Thank you for sharing your duas and encouraging both brother Anis and myself and our families.
    Please keep us in your duas.

  91. Peace and blessings of Allah Almighty be upon all of us.
    I once did a google alert for “controlling nafs” and from then on I have been receiving many articles relating to that topic , Alhamdulillah. My heart goes out to you in the loss of your son. May Allah azzawajal forgive him and have mercy on him and open a place in the Jannh for him. IMy wife and I too have been blessed with a son , Muzzammil,19, and a daughter Nura,17.You did not lose him .He did not belong to you. He belonged to Allah SWT. It is His prerogative to do with your son, whatever He( Allah ) pleases. Last friday’s khutbah related to this very situation, i.e. accepting Allah’s will. I would like to send you the link, so u can download and listen. Inshaallah.
    Here it is:http://upload2.net/page/download/74tA48E3rizltrk/Khutba27June2008+2QueenStPosTTWIMlnaMftiWaseem.wav.html
    Type it into address bar.scroll down to download link, and follow instructions. e-mail me or if u use “skype” my skype name is muznur.we can talk. The service is free.
    May Allah SWT keep us all on His path.

  92. Pingback: For the beauty that lies within… « Amoureuse de DIEU

  93. Inshallah Allah will cloak you with His mercy. If you can, do go and eat with the children at the Orphanage, you will find that your heart will fill with compassion and Allah’s mercy.

    May Allah protect you and guide you through this maze of grief.
    Jazaaik Allah hu Khairan.

  94. Dear Sister,
    Like the petal of the roses…… is one of the best and moving writing that I have come across. Even in my grief stricken heart, I feel your pain more. I some time wonder, the love, the affection, the tears that I have given for my son, were they all wasted. There is nothing for me to show for the last 20 years.

  95. Brother Abdur Rahman,
    walaikum as salaam wa rahmatullahu wa barakatahu
    Jazaaik Allah hu Khairan, please keep me in your prayers.

  96. Walaikum Asalaam,
    Unfortunately I don’t do commercial postings, however if you like you can post your website info under one of the marraige posts in the comment section, and interested readers will contact you.
    I hope I have not offended you, may Allah guide your good work.
    Jazaaik Allah hu Khairan

  97. assalamualikum……
    i went through the writings above……i m sorry if i m intruding.
    inshallah i shall pray to allah everyday every wakht of namaj for mufrad and also for tariq……
    mufrad as i have learned from the postings was a wonderful person….i have searched his name in the google and i found out a lot about him….
    Dr. Anis if u dont mind may i advice u a way which might make you stronger or give u some strength……
    I think if you make pilgrimage to madina and makkah……i m sure u will fine some peace…..and there u can pray to Allah more closely too…….
    and something else…….like u….hazrat mohammad (saw) also lost son…..try to find out hadith about that…that might help u to kno wht type of dowa u may offer…….
    i hope my words doesnt bring u more pain……i have lost a family member…….pls pray for him…….and pray for me…..siraat e mustaqeem……so that i may walk in it….

  98. Asalaamu Alaikum,

    Sister I have a press release about Islamic Introductions, a Muslim Matchmaking Service that I founded. http://www.islamicintros.com. Insha’Allah I would like to send it to you to post. I think your readers will find the information very useful.

    Please let me know where I can send it.

    Ma Salaama

  99. Asalaam o alaikum,
    In my humble opinion,Allah must love Nabeel and his parents a lot. He (SWT) wants you back in the fold of His (SWT) love and it seems that you were there before but now even more. Allah knows best.

    May Allah SWT place Nabeel in Jannat al Firdous and give his parents the opportunity to meet their beloved son in Jannat al Firdous. Ameen

  100. Dear Sister,
    This morning again after fazr prayer when I was sitting in Nabeel’s room and watching the sunrise (his room has a large picture window overlooking a park), the reason for Allah’s decree was clear to me. At least that is what I think. Nabeel was His favorite soul so He needed Nabeel. But in the process Nabeel sacrificed his time in dunya for the emancipiation of his parents! You see although I was a muslim with all the conviction my iman was not that strong. I had never been defeated in my life. I studied in the best of schools and medical colleges. I have been successful in my carreer beyond imagination. I have passed all my exams at home and abroad with flying colours. I have worked in Canada, UK, Iran with distinction. All these neyamat from Allah was not properly appreciated by me. I was becoming arrogant in my mind. I started reading various books by writers who are against Islam. My wife also had a similar carrer progress. In one word both of us were heading away from the Rahama of Allah and enjoying the successes of this dunya.
    Nabeel being waht he was, didnot want his abbu and ammu to suffer in the Akherat. He knew only way to bring us back was a hard strike. Simple sickness would be forgotten by us. So he was choosen by Allah to bring us back to the straight path. Nabeel has been very successful. He has been deprived of the neyamat of this world but Allah must have given him many times more. Ameen.
    What do you think?

  101. Dear sister,
    This morning I went out for my jogging for the first time after Nabeel left us. As per your advice I said fazr prayer in a slow and unhurried way in Nabeel’s room (We both are saying our prayers in his room now a days) did some other prayers and then went out. The morning was cool and there was a light breeze beside the lake where we stay. Suddenly I found a group of people sitting beside the lake and saying Darrod on our Prophet (PBH). There were about 50 people. What a good sign for me to start life again slowly but surely. Today is the Eid e Miladunnabi and also Friday here in Bangladesh.
    May Allah show mercy on Tariq and his friends, Nabeel and all others that we care for.

  102. Allah SWT sent you a blessing for an appointed time. You and your family was blessed by having him with you for that period.
    May Allah continue to bless you as you remember the blessings He (SWT) has given you for all the years you had Nabeel.
    You were good parents to him and gave him a good ‘tarbiyah’. May Allah reward you and Nabeels mother and grandparents.
    Jazaaik Allah hu khairan

  103. Dear sister,
    Assalamualaikum. I just thought I would share a few things about Nabeel with you. One of his amazing quality was he could be friend to a 60 yr old and a 6 yr old at the same time. You know the mothers of his friends used to call him if there were any problem with their children. His cousins many years older then him called him up from USA when they felt lonely. His dada discussed things with him which was not discuussed with me.
    One day when Nabeel was ill I bought fruits and pastries on way home from hospital. Nabeel told his mom that the son of our domestic help (bua) is also sick and he stays with his nani in Khulna. Nabeel insisted that we arrnge to send some money to that boy in Khulna so that his nani could buy fruits for him. So I had to call up their relative next morning and gave money to be sent to Khulna. That was Nabeel.
    As the days go by I remember more and more things about Nabeel.

  104. Walaikum asalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu
    Allah SWT says if you take one step towards me, I will take ten.
    Inshallah it looks like you have taken that step and He SWT will make it easy for you, and draw you and your wife closer to Him (SWT)

  105. Assalamualikum.
    I have been teaching medical students for last 17 years and almost 2000 students have become doctors who are working all over the world. As they are treating sick people do you think my efforts in teaching them will be considered sadaqa jariya?
    We have formed a Mufrad Nabeel Rahman Memorial Trust in my son’s name. The trust is paying for the expenses of a number of yatims in a particular madrassa; it has announced awards for best results in medical school where Nabeel was a student; it is sponsoring an annual cricket trophy in medical school where Nabeel was a member of the team. We have many other plans if only Allah would give me the mental and physical strength to continue. Please pray for us and particularly for Nabeel.

  106. SubhanAllah, you are learning new and beautiful things about your son…….Inshallah he is in a beautiful place with Him(SWT)

  107. Dear Sister,
    Assalamualaikum. this morning we returned to our house 3 months 9 days after taking our son to the hospital and 2 months 28 days after Allah took him. You can well imagine my wife’s reaction in entering Nabeel’s room. I tried my best to console her and hide my pain at the same time. Being a father is a peculiar role in these circumstances. You cannot show your own pain so that the mother’s suffering donot increase. It was like loosing Nabeel all over again. I donot think Mina is going to survive long. Her mental and physical reserves are almost exhausted.
    We had our first meal in the house after 3rd Dec 2007 and without Nabeel. Mina asked me to sit in Nabeel’s chair. What is your advice regarding Nbeel’s room and his things? His collection of books and DVDs are huge. His wardrobe is also huge. We have so many of his pictures put up in the wall. What do I do with these pictures. Nabeel had large feet and we couldnot get shoes here in Dhaka, Bangladesh My two brothers in US used o supply them twice a year. There are very few people who could use his shoes.
    Please give me some advice as a sister to an unfortunate brother.
    Did I mention that Nabeel was not only regular in his prayers but went to mosque whenever he got the chance. My driver told me this. I didnot know about it.

  108. Walaikum Asalaam,
    I am searching for Prophets Zakaraiahs Dua for you which says “Allah is the best inheritor of all”.
    I work in bursts trying to study tafseer, and other ilm of deen, so forgive me if I don’t reply immediately.
    We are meeting for tafseer today, please pray for us that Allah accepts our efforts.

  109. Dear Sister,
    My son was sick for about 16 days of which he was in hospital for 14 days. During this time literally hundreds of welwishers in Bangladesh and all over the world including USA, UK, Pakistan, India, Canada, Japan and KSA prayed for him. At that that time it was Hajj and at least 10 of his close relatives and friends were in Mecca praying for him. He died when they were praying for him in Arafat. Both his maternal and paternal grand parents are known for their piousness and they are in their 70s and 80s. I know it was Allah’s decree and nothing could change it. But is there any explanation why all these persons prayers didnot have any effect. Then why do we pray during our distress? Please donot misunderstand me. I only want Allah’s mercy . I just want any explanation that may have been given by our prophet (PUH).

  110. Dear Sister
    Asalaam o alaikum,
    Yesterday was a very bad day. Suddenly while coming back from hospital all the memories of recent events came back to me. It was suffocating. I cried loudly. Think of it in the middle of a traffic jam a 50 year old man crying his heart out. Some how I managed to reach the cemetry where I got some solace by the side of Nabeel’s grave. At home I could not control myself and we cried at each others arm. Then a very strange thing happened. Late at night while saying tahajjud prayer, I suddenly felt a very warm sensation deep in me. I never felt this way. As if someone has possessd me and trying to lift me from the prayer mat. In this state I finished another 2 rakats. I felt nervous but I was calm. I wanted to call my wife but I could not make a sound. Then the feeling passed. I went to sleep and then got up for fazr. Afterwards when I went to bed I had a very peaceful sleep. It is 81 days since Nabeel left me but I have never dreamt him. Can you tell me why?

  111. As Salaamu alaykum,

    Thank you for the generous and kind comment you left for me. You write with a deep understanding of the human spirit and empathy for all. I look forward to reading more of your earlier posts. May Allah bless you and yours.


  113. Inshallah I will put it together in a post. The best information that I benefited from greatly about what happens after death is in the CD set titled “The Hereafter”: by Anwar Awlaki. It is worth listening to, it changes the focus of the life we are spending in dunya.
    May Allah give you and your family sabr and peace in your heart.

  114. Dear Sister,
    I have a number of questions which I thought you will be able to answer me from the Islamic point of view.
    1. What is the best way to visit one’s son’s grave. I mean what are the duas.
    2. Does a dead son know that his parents are praying for him.
    3. In the family life who is more important, parents or children. I ean who gets the preference.
    Thank you.
    Anisur Rahman

  115. Asalaamoalaikum,
    Allah SWT is the only entity in our life that gives us infinite mercy, infinite love and infinite protection all else that we love and cherish like our sons and our loved ones and us have to return to Him (SWT).
    We are separated by death from our loved ones by a veil, they are on the other side and we can no longer see them or feel them.
    Our behavior in this life does not work as a barter with Allah SWT, i.e. we do something and he gives us reward in this world. Our true rewards and your true rewards await you on the Day of judgement. Our behaviour and prayers only vouchsafe our own future in the Hereafter.
    Why did Allah SWT who loved His Prophet (PBUH) take baby Ibrahim, Prophet Muhammad’s only son at the tender age of two?
    Only Allah knows. Some divine actions confound the finite intellect.
    I pray that He (SWT) keep you in His mercy and give you comfort in your pain and strength to bear this loss, to remain steadfast in your Emaan, firmly holding on to His rope.
    Please call upon Him (SWT) repeatedly in formal prayer, dhikr or otherwise till He (SWT) becomes the balm for your never ending heartache.

  116. Dear sister,
    My son was my love, pride, wealth, futyre and my dreams. I have been praying for many years now, although I had doubt about my devotion. But I continued. I recited the Quran, specially, Sura Yasin, several times a week. I have been treating patients for last 25 yeaars. Many of my patients were poor whom I tried to help. I was there for my relatives and friends at any time of the day or night. My only worldly prayer to Allah was safety and health of my family. Yet my 20 year old 6feet 80 kg healthy child died from liver failure within 2 weeks.
    I realize my Iman is not as strong as yours, but I have continued to pray for myself and my son. But help me to understand the decree of Allah.
    Anisur Rahman
    PS: how did your son die?

  117. Asalaamoalaikum brother, I am deeply saddened by the loss of your son.
    Inna lil lahi wa inna elayhe rajaoon.
    At this time be with someone you love, be sad but dont blame people, circumstances or yourself. Know that you could not have changed circumstances or events. Know that this is not a punishment, but Qadr.
    Initially what helped me was when I felt the tide of grief rising I contiuously repeated:
    Inna lil lahi wa inna elayhe rajaoon till the tide backed down, this would happen many times a day and I continued.
    If you can pray nafil salaat and talk to Allah, complain to him, cry for him to help you , and Inshallah He is merciful and He will!
    May Allah help and guide you.

    the posts under the category “Balm for a never ending heartache” are written to share my journey towards Allah after I lost my son.

  118. I am new to thie concept of blogging. But I am desparate. I have just lost my only child, 20 year old boy, handsome, tall, bright, intelligent, courteus and loving. I have been treating patients for last 25 years. In my own way I have tried to help others. I tried to abide by the laws of Islam. Pl help me, I need some answers.
    Anisur Rahman
    Gen Surgery

  119. In reading your comments, my soliluquy changes to a dialogue.
    Opening your comment is like opening the door to a guest, instead of wondering if you came by the door I am always happy to see that you left me a note.

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