Today he would be thirty if he were alive. I can’t remember what I was like at thirty nor can I imagine what he would be like at thirty.
Would his face still crinkle with laughter and his dark hair flip up at the edges? Would he still be razor thin? Would he have the abundant energy of someone bound for the heavens?
I don’t know……….I cant even remember what I was like at that age how can I remember what he would have been like? His high school sweetheart just got married, most of his friends are married, and basking in far away islands with their sweet loves. I cant remember what he said about being married except that he would be the first to do so among his friends and have eleven children mostly girls, I can only remember two names of the girls he was going to have: Nailah and perhaps Lotus or an oriental sounding name which escapes me? I want to run back and look in his computer to jog my memory but he is slipping away just like the material on his computer, closed up from which the charge has seeped out completely and I don’t know where the cord is to recharge it.
The charge in my life is seeping out also gradually and steadily, I can’t also find the cord to recharge it any more. Perhaps there is nothing left to recharge.
Today I read something, which inspired me but also saddened me because I realized I would never be able to reach that station. I love my children too much and cannot forget the one who has left us……..
Here is what it said:
Shaykh Salih al-Ja‘fari wrote a commentary on forty hadith of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ that he himself chose, focusing on the theme of spiritual development. This book (translated into the English language as Reassurance for the Seeker), begins with a hadith that states:
Whoever possesses these three things will taste the sweetness of faith: That Allah and His Messenger are more beloved to him than anything other than them, that he loves someone only for the sake of Allah, and that he would hate to return to disbelief just as he would hate to be thrown into a fire. (Narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim).
For a second I felt I had found the cord to recharge me but it fizzled just as quickly as the thought came and went.
Please keep me in your prayers.