This post is inspired by actions of the bullies and abusers around us whose methodology of filling the hole within them is rampant destruction of what is sacred and beautiful and hurting the defenseless vulnerable people around them.

This post is dedicated to all those feeling a void within them; be it from a loss, from bullying, inner insecurity, lack of confidence, a change in life stage, empty nest, harassment and more.

It is not clear when that hole appears and why, but it does. When it does the human being seeks feverishly to fill it with whatever is available. If one has some spiritual background and availability one fills it with the Lords spirituality.

If drugs and alcohol are easier to reach then they become the Lord and master and are poured into the hole which they can never fill.

However the most dangerous and most destructive method of filling the hole is called “The Pharaohs patch” .

What is the Pharaohs patch? The Pharaohs patch is a methodology to hurt or demean others  consistently  in order to make ones ownself  feel superior and better. It includes actions which mimic the arrogance and use of power by intimidation, isolation, control and subjugation after making the weaker person feel helpless.

It is when the ego screams bloody murder at the gaping hole and denies it, that it goes in search of ways to fill the hole while refusing to acknowledge its existence within it. The ego denigrates the body that carries the hole within it. It incites anger within the body that carries it and anger rushes through the blood stream manifest with symptoms of hypertension in the body and explodes on the nearest and weakest individuals available.

In a home it may manifest as  bullying and emotional abuse of the spouse. At work it may be demeaning or denigrating the colleagues or sometimes even the boss. This may result in being fired, which makes the hole bigger and more raw at the edges filling it with the poison of hate and revenge.

Bullies and abusers are those with a large hole within them, which they deny and yet continuously try to fill it by minimizing, denigrating, subjugating, blaming and controlling others sadistically.

How does one protect oneself from others who have a destructive way to fill the hole ? How does one fill ones own hole without becoming a pawn in the destructive narrative of the bully and abuser?

It is the state of the spiritual heart that determines what will happen to that hole and the individual who walks around with it. 

The spiritual heart or the Qalb if strong with its connection to the Divine, is swung like a pendulum with each blow but comes back, centers it and provides the anchorage in this world and with the Lord. It always when hit or slapped returns to its median position, its connection intact with the Divine, with the rope of Allah tightly held in the hand of the individual. It seeks and begs through that spiritual connection with the Divine for Allah to guide him or her, to fill her hole and to be freed of the bully and abuser.

What happens if that heart has been left unguarded and has been flooded with all the possible disease that floats like invisible viruses around us? Diseases of the heart like envy, ostentation, arrogance, pride, anger and ruthless vengeance, resulting in destruction within and without. These diseases are leeches on the Heart sucking its lifeblood.

What to do to prevent filling the hole with the Pharaohs patch? And why not fill it with the Pharaoh’s patch?

We know through history what happened to Pharaoh. He was drowned ignominiously at the peak of his power at a time when he never imagined even remotely the possibility of drowning along with his entire forces.

Allah Subhanawataala reminds us that He is supreme and that we must submit to him and bow to him in complete humility. Otherwise if we refuse we are mimicking the act of Shaytaan who refused to obey His Lord and roams the earth to prove he was right and that Allah was wrong in his assessment of Adam (AS).


1. FIND A GUARD: The first step to fill the hole has to find a guard for it and the best guard is no other than the spiritual Heart or Qalb.

Once we have accepted the Qalb as the master of our actions tied to the rope of our spiritual connection with Allah, we go to the next step.

2. STRENGTHEN THE GUARD: The next step is to strengthen the guard i.e. our spiritual heart. This is done in the following steps:

a. We shut all the doors to it except those that allow only that what is obedient to Allah and not that is disobedient to Allah

b. Create awareness around us of the presence of the Almighty, seek refuge in Him from all threatening forces of evil and destruction.

c. Dilute the diseases within with the remembrance of Allah and seeking his refuge.

d. Wash out the diseases by good acts and good companionship


a. The next step is to slowly and gently fill the hole with dua to the Divine, asking him to fill it with Taqwa or God consciousness, and a life filled with mindfulness of Him and his blessings.

Lo and behold the doors of opportunity of a life that is filled with peace and sakeena open and the doors to strife, fear, anguish, grief and anger close.

This is the promise of Allah in Surah Baqara and I para phrase:”……. Follow my path and you shall have no fear and no grief”

The hole is gone as if it never existed…………

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