THE CONCEPT OF “OTHER” IN MUSLIM MEN

“Other” is something I have found exclusively in Muslim men, both on personal observation as well as in the news. I am sure women have a counterpart but I am not privy to it. If you are please share it in the comments.

What is other? Muslim men have this concept of “other” when coming from other countries and living in the west, irrespective of whether they are students, young doctors in internship or rich Muslim men from the middle east going to the west or east or immigrant men settling in the UK.

Here is the concept” “ I am a Muslim and I respect everything and everyone Muslim. In relationships it translates into” if a woman is Muslim obviously I have to keep the etiquette and not make a pass at her. If she is not a Muslim I can go as far as she will let me”

This ends up in two scenarios, Muslim men will “date” non Muslim women for years and then go back and marry a wife from their indigent country or even a Muslim girl from the US, not letting on that they themselves are bringing “used goods” to the table. This becomes important as aids and STD is rife and can be introduced to the innocent wife and vice versa.

The second scenario is the Muslim man dating a non-Muslim woman and getting so close that he ends up getting her pregnant and is forced to marry her to save face with the family and Muslim society.

In all of this unique schizophrenic lifestyle the Muslim men rationalize it by saying that “these women are used to such behavior i.e. sexual advances and illicit pre and extra marital relations) and it is okay because that is who they are.

Recently some of the Imams have brought this to the surface in the UK where child porn and molestation of non muslim girls was being done by a whole ring of “biradari” of muslim men.  They were perpetrating this sexual abuse on young unprotected (by their lack of family members) non Muslim teenage girls. The non muslim social scientists feel this is due to lack of sex or not enough permission to have sex when needed.

The strict Muslim princes and other rich men from various Muslim countries that need no introduction will still come to the US and other countries and dally with the western or local women here. In the climate of extreme islamophobia I  presume that many times they have been videotaped by the authorities and videos leaked onto YouTube or kept for future blackmail (I presume)

What is the basis of their “otherness” which allows these perfectly normal muslim men to developing a sexual or “other” relationship with non-Muslim women and yet in their own mind they have done no wrong, as they feel “that is how the morals of these women are”.

I am not a social scientist but having spent a large part of my life working with men I have come to the following assumptions (conclusions):

  1. These men were not taught the ethics of humanity from the Quran and sunnah by their mothers at an early age as I presume their mothers themselves were not aware of them and fathers worked two jobs or more and were not present in their child’s lives, thus starting boyhood with a shaky foundation in the recognition of human rights as per the Quran and sunnah.
  2. These men were placed in a society where the women were partially unclothed at all times and in order to satisfy their lust they compartmentalized their Deen and their Dunya with no meeting between them.
  3. They were brought up without reverence for women, whether that is their mother, sister or wife. In the remote recesses of their mind they truly believe the female gender to be inferior, stupid and deserving of what they “ask for”.
  4. They did not inculcate in themselves a sense of responsibility and accountability to Allah and the Day of Judgment and responded to external pressure basing their responses on the local law of the land instead of an inner monitor and compass that would lead them to the good, and away from the detrimental.
  5. Misogynist families breed monster men who are abusive to women in many realms of life (including sometimes the in the governance of mosques in the US) and are unaware of the penalties in the Quran for doing so.
  6. The responsibility of developing this concept of “otherness” by Muslim men lies squarely with them as adults, with their mothers for the lack of their early training in taqwa and with their fathers for not strengthening their emaan by demonstrative practice of justice and taqwa and overt fear and awe of Allah as well as failure of the parents in familiarizing their children with the last Khutbah of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and his advice to men to be fair and kind to their women folk (he did not qualify the womenfolk as only the muslim women folk I think).
  7. The extreme restrictions place on muslim women by men is sometimes to hide what they see and indulge in the “others”. Thus while indulging in the “other” is okay with them they do not want their women to be polluted with it.

The crux of this problem lies in the focus of mothers on the grades, dress and extracurricular activities of their sons rather than the development of strong men with taqwa. It lies squarely in the absent father who is not a model for his son in his practice of reverence of the symbols of God and the fear and awe of punishment in abusing the privileges of women in his family and at large in society.

 Finally it lies in the adult Muslim male to whom Allah has sent His message with the Sunnah through every speaker in the country on Islam and in the privacy of his apartment through the click of the mouse.

This schizophrenic life can only end when we accept who we are in our skin and become the same inside and out ………..Hopefully with the guidance of the Quran and Sunnah and righteous company.

Allah describes those who turn away from the teachings of the Quran after accepting them as: apostates and hypocrites:

first page quranbismillah
إِنَّ الَّذِينَ ارْتَدُّوا عَلَىٰ أَدْبَارِهِم مِّن بَعْدِ مَا تَبَيَّنَ لَهُمُ الْهُدَى ۙ الشَّيْطَانُ سَوَّلَ لَهُمْ وَأَمْلَىٰ لَهُمْ ﴿٢٥

[47:25] Pickthall

Lo! those who turn back after the guidance hath been manifested unto them, Satan hath seduced them, and He giveth them the rein.
[47:25] Arberry

Those who have turned back in their traces after the guidance has become clear to them, Satan it was that tempted them, and God respited them.

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