There was a daily return at the retreat for Tazkiyah tun Nafs. Returning to Allah penitent and repentant, the beads of the tasbeeh rolled in the fingers until we lost count of them, while walking, thinking and sitting.

However as I opened the door to step out of the retreat the coyotes were sitting in a circle their eyes gleaming in the dark, their mouths drooling for the prey that was leaving the sacrosanct precincts of the Protected.

The return to dunya was a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde alternating with each other.

An Invitation to go for Ummrah that made my heart soar, and an email demeaning and disrespectful that saddened me to no end.

The hyenas waiting to devour the health care of the poor, waited at the office. The susceptible poor who go through life with blinders demanded more out of the bankrupt system without paying into it. The insurance of the poor demanded to know why the dictated note was only two pages long but wanted only to pay enough to cover the expenses of one page, the rest of the patient expense would come from the physician’s pocket or from the salary of the staff or from…………..? they did not care.

Unreality set in. Expectations all tied in with money made everyone blind with the dollar sign flashing in their eyes making them unable to see beyond.

The poor prevented from seeing physicians in the office due to red tape and excessive demands by the insurances gouging into appropriate medical care, ended up in the emergency room racking up a bill of 25000$ to be paid by the taxpayers.

This was homecoming…………

I was deeply thankful for the week’s retreat despite the sarcastic. Patronizing comments from some as it being in the “woods”. I would have been steam rolled if these multiple tornadoes had hit me without the Istiqamah, and taubah built into us at the retreat.

In the end it was water off a ducks back, inshallah and thus it shall be. He (Subhanawataala is the one who decides. All I can think is of Istighfaar, taubah and returning to Him Subhanawataala. The world revolves and I in a moment seeking peace would like to step off of it to rest.

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