DO MUSLIM GIRLS BULLY OR ARE BULLIED?

Bullying is such a buzzword nowadays but the act of bullying is as old as Hades. I was trying to read the histories of the Sahabah and Sahabiat to see if bullying existed then and if it did how was it handled. The concept in the Quran is quite simply explained as we see later.

According to modern terms bullying by girls is quite different than boys, you don’t get beat up, (though sometimes you may). But it is more cerebral and manipulative torture.

The bullied girl is miserable but the news for the girl who is the bully is worse:

Here is what experts say:

The topic of girl bullying is not new. Dozens of lay books and scholarly journals have explored the ways “relational aggression — tactics such as exclusion, rumor mongering, and Internet harassment — can damage girls’ self-esteem. But only recently have researchers begun looking at what bullying does to the bullies themselves. The news is not good.

Thus bullying is bad for the bully also. She grows up into a dysfunctional human being more so than the one bullied:
In the long term, “these girls learn to manipulate people like chess pieces,” Nixon says. “Unfortunately, this can harm their ability to have meaningful relationships and successful careers.”

Are there Muslim girls who are bullies………No way you would say. Unfortunately it is true. Muslim girls especially hijabi girls have been noted to be bullies recruiting the sympathy of the parents who then help her bully others in the name of being “good Muslim”.

Something is lacking in these girls and that is the basic understanding of what Allah Subhanawataala states in the Quran about the rights of others.

Dhulm is defined as oppression or “taking away someone’s right” and is severely punished on the Day of Judgment but sometimes also in this world with calamities.

The outcome of the Dhalim (one who commits dhulm/opression) knowingly or out of heedlessness is glaringly apparent in this brief ayah:


6:47 Say: “Think ye, if the punishment of Allah comes to you, whether suddenly or openly, will any be destroyed except those who do wrong?


Qul araaytakum in atakum AAathabu Allahi baghtatan aw jahratan hal yuhlaku illa alqawmu alththalimoona
قُلْ أَرَأَيْتَكُمْ إِنْ أَتَاكُمْ عَذَابُ اللّهِ بَغْتَةً أَوْ جَهْرَةً هَلْ يُهْلَكُ إِلاَّ الْقَوْمُ الظَّالِمُونَ (6:47

DEFINATION OF DHULM:
What is dhulm and what does it do to the human being?
Dhulm is the death of the ‘human’ in the human being, the human is gone and being is left.

Dhulm is to deprive someone of their rights

  1. The Rights of a person over his goods and things or rights as a human being (human rights)
  2. . The Rights of Allah, rushing through salaat, in adequate or mindless wudu, distracted ibadat (worship) In all of these actions we are not fulfilling the rights of Allah on us by giving priority to the created over the Creator.
  3.  The rights of human relations such as the rights of the spouse, the child, parents, the neighbors, the orphan etc (Huqooq al Ebad).
  4.  To usurp rights by harming people directly or indirectly such as preparing ways and means and tools and objects to destroy human beings.

The act of bullying or encouraging or supporting it comes under number one and four.

Thus parents who use their influence to support their bully daughter to undermine another Muslim girl’s activity or program under the guise that it may be “unislamic” must examine the motives of their own daughters as to why they want to sabotage this particular persons program or party.

In going along with the superficial reason that this may be “unislamic” and thus nixing the whole outdoor activity may result in feeding the bully instinct to become stronger and thus cause more Dhulm from her hands and thus earn more punishment on the Day of Judgment or even earlier.

None of us want our daughters to suffer in the Akhirah. Thus when our daughters ask us to use our influence to put the spokes in someone else’s pre designed, program, one must stop and examine the motive and all its underlying nuances and maybe even stay out of it and level the playing field to see if the bully moves in, how and in what manner. If her act and the outcome of it are oppressive, and qualify for Dhulm, she must be counseled and a more serious understanding of her needs must be gauged and help sought professionally.

The concept of Dhulm or oppression must be taught to Muslim girls in depth. It affects their personal lives as daughters, sisters, mothers and mother in laws. Not knowing what qualifies as Dhulm can land them in the FIRE and who is to blame except those who were looking the other way?

Allah knows best!

2 thoughts on “DO MUSLIM GIRLS BULLY OR ARE BULLIED?

  1. this is badly needed. however there are two things:

    1) I wish your focus was more on emotional bullying, rather than sabotaging programs or parties. Emotional bullying is a lot more rampant, and parents are not always aware that their daughters could be emotionally bullying someone. Then again, the parents could also be a root problem. This leads to #2…

    2) Bullying is also a problem among adults, though it’s actually seen as more acceptable, unfortunately. It’s the power plays at work, in organizations, etc.

    But I was a victim of bullying by influential, popular muslimas in my community in my mid-to-late 20’s (they were about 6-8 years younger than I was), during my first few years of being Muslim. they really made my life miserable, made me dread ramadan. Sadly, their parents weren’t any better either. But since they are all adults, it’s not acceptable for me to call it as it is: bullying. but no more. If I don’t stand up & call it for what it is, who will? And honestly, I have nothing left to lose. They can’t make my life any more miserable than it already is.

    • Asalaaam o alaikum,
      I am going to make a presentation on this subject to our community inshallah. Please write me some details, and what was the type of bullying and how did you handle it, what worked and what did not?
      May Allah reward you for your Sabr and grant you the best place in Jannah.

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