This reminded me of the sandstorm that we got caught in on the beach.

People have always said that it would help and offered substitution. I have never looked for substitution, nor have I actively rejected it.

Sometimes young men like Tariq came my way and sometimes in them, I noted a familiar trait, honesty or a connection with him, which brought the thought of substitution. I knew even then though I did not overtly oppose it, that there could never be a substitution.

Sometimes my intellectual common sense told me that I must substitute, just to bring temporary relief to my heart, to remain alive, to not drown in my sorrow, but even in those moments I knew subconsciously that it would not be authentic. At some higher level I knew that as I have let go of the fragrance of my son, I could never substitute it with another.

Each child, nay each person has his or her own place in this world, unique not only by the pattern of his or her fingerprints but by their imprint on the wind on this earth. When they leave, there is a void in the atmosphere that can never be filled by another, no matter how hard we try, wish, desire want and will………..or not.

There can be no substitution. The son of another woman can never be mine, and so be it! I am relieved that I can face up to myself that it is not rejection, but okay not to want a substitute.

I had the real one even though only for nineteen years, it was the best that Allah Subhanawataala could have given me. I am grateful for those lovely years with him……….No substitution could ever make up for that.

Please keep me in your prayers.

2 thoughts on “SUBSTITUTION………


    so you have not overcome the desolation
    you have arrived at the conclusion
    after struggling with the utmost of hunger and want
    to bring alive Tariq in all manners and ways
    or the glimpse of him you may have observed in a reflection
    your projection, your hungry eyes, to fill
    albeit for a moment the empty gaping gash
    the persistent loss of your flesh……………………
    to be disappointed and now may have reached
    some kind of equilibrium,for a while
    there is no other Tariq
    your Tariq awaits you even as he watches perhaps
    your agony and the ecstasy he brought you
    Part of the Grand Plan
    The spark, the piercing intellect, the connection
    like no other
    This life is full of difficulty and continuous challenge
    The Grace that enables us to carry on and
    move higher, reach up, draw nearer to
    the Creator,, a way unique for every creature
    with the blessings of peace, rest, refreshment
    in the midst of the clang and clamor
    of daily events amidst
    the missing presence of one who lighted up your life
    Is there a substitute for a parent, a sibling, a friend?
    Is there even a substitute for a worker, a neighbor
    or the sights and sounds that change in these electronic times
    as change accelerates logrithmically
    You who know…………………….
    there is no substitution………………………..

    Love, F


  2. Dear Sister,
    Asslamulaikum. I agree with you 100%. No there can never be a substitution for my son. Who ever suggests that substitutin can make up for the real thing, doesnot know what he or she is talking about. This is what makes human different from other species of animals. I had my son for 20 years, the joy and happiness that he gave us will remain as unique. No one can replace that.


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