This reminded me of the sandstorm that we got caught in on the beach.
People have always said that it would help and offered substitution. I have never looked for substitution, nor have I actively rejected it.
Sometimes young men like Tariq came my way and sometimes in them, I noted a familiar trait, honesty or a connection with him, which brought the thought of substitution. I knew even then though I did not overtly oppose it, that there could never be a substitution.
Sometimes my intellectual common sense told me that I must substitute, just to bring temporary relief to my heart, to remain alive, to not drown in my sorrow, but even in those moments I knew subconsciously that it would not be authentic. At some higher level I knew that as I have let go of the fragrance of my son, I could never substitute it with another.
Each child, nay each person has his or her own place in this world, unique not only by the pattern of his or her fingerprints but by their imprint on the wind on this earth. When they leave, there is a void in the atmosphere that can never be filled by another, no matter how hard we try, wish, desire want and will………..or not.
There can be no substitution. The son of another woman can never be mine, and so be it! I am relieved that I can face up to myself that it is not rejection, but okay not to want a substitute.
I had the real one even though only for nineteen years, it was the best that Allah Subhanawataala could have given me. I am grateful for those lovely years with him……….No substitution could ever make up for that.
Please keep me in your prayers.
Siraat-e-Mustaqeem 
FROM A FRIEND THROUGH PERSONAL COMMUNICATION:
Substitute…………………………
so you have not overcome the desolation
you have arrived at the conclusion
after struggling with the utmost of hunger and want
to bring alive Tariq in all manners and ways
or the glimpse of him you may have observed in a reflection
your projection, your hungry eyes, to fill
albeit for a moment the empty gaping gash
the persistent loss of your flesh……………………
to be disappointed and now may have reached
some kind of equilibrium,for a while
there is no other Tariq
your Tariq awaits you even as he watches perhaps
your agony and the ecstasy he brought you
Part of the Grand Plan
The spark, the piercing intellect, the connection
like no other
This life is full of difficulty and continuous challenge
The Grace that enables us to carry on and
move higher, reach up, draw nearer to
the Creator,, a way unique for every creature
with the blessings of peace, rest, refreshment
in the midst of the clang and clamor
of daily events amidst
the missing presence of one who lighted up your life
Is there a substitute for a parent, a sibling, a friend?
Is there even a substitute for a worker, a neighbor
or the sights and sounds that change in these electronic times
as change accelerates logrithmically
You who know…………………….
there is no substitution………………………..
Love, F
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Dear Sister,
Asslamulaikum. I agree with you 100%. No there can never be a substitution for my son. Who ever suggests that substitutin can make up for the real thing, doesnot know what he or she is talking about. This is what makes human different from other species of animals. I had my son for 20 years, the joy and happiness that he gave us will remain as unique. No one can replace that.
Regards
Anisur
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