I am driving home after work…………….This morning and last night both salahs were tardy, I am miserable to say the least when Yasir Qadhi’s clear voice comes on, from the CD titled “Repentance”
I have always read that Allah loves the sinner who repents and wants us to repent, to return back to him and beg for forgiveness, I have puzzled over it in the past as I puzzle over it now as I listen to Yasir Qadhi. Why does Allah love a sinner?
………..and then he quotes the Quran and says and I paraphrase:” Iblis in his arrogance says to Allah Subhanawataala after refusing to bow to Adam, that I will continue to misguide the children of Adam until the day of Judgment………..”
Suddenly everything falls in place in my mind. Iblis’s promise to misguide me, Allah’s promise to forgive me if I ask for it………….a race against time and behavior. I must repent with sincerity before I die. Shaitaan does not want me to or wants me to delay it. Do I know when I will die? I won’t because Tariq’s death has upended all preconceived notions I had about age and death.
Therefore I am in a race of time with Shaitaan, death and my fallibility to make mistakes large or small.
“The best time to do Istighfaar is daily even if you are not aware of the disobediences that you have done or immediately if you know that you have done a disobedience and promise not to do it again, or ask Allah’s help not to let you do it again”
I have this sudden clarity of where I am in my Deen and Dunya. I am in a race with Shaitaan, his whisperings are “to relax take it easy ………no need to rush and ask for forgiveness , isn’t He (Subhanawataala) Ghafoor ur Raheem, of course he will forgive you, no need to hurry, you can do it tomorrow”.
Tariq’s absence telling me………… you have no time, do istighfaar now while you are alive this minute and driving for “Tomorrow may never come”
Meanwhile Allah Subhanawataala waits for me to address him and as soon as the words of Istighfaar leave my lips He (Subhanawataala) sends His forgiveness and Sakina settles over me……….
Surah Zumar 039.053 : Say: “O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.