I read a hadith that one should not wish for death because if you are a good person you may get bonus time to do more good and if you are a sinner than you get a window of opportunity to repent.
I have not yet read anything that tells me what to do……..when no matter what you do, good, bad, happy or sad it holds no meaning anymore. It is like you have lost the sense of taste.
Thus is life for me………there is no taste, no excitement, no anticipation, no disappointment only occasional fear for the loved ones alive, and that too soon disappears with the thought that it is not my protection that they live under but His. He will inshallah take good care of them, and if not then no one can change His decree.
I thus drag through the days and sometime watch my fellow women straining at the seams pushing their children into higher and higher academic stations, and marrying them off into richer and richer families and collect more and more paraphernalia for their houses and I wonder…………if they knew what I do, they would be different.
Nothing lasts for ever, and complacency is the biggest crime a muslim can commit, being one of those who has been guilty of it in the past, I can tell you that it is a termite that can eat you from the inside and suddenly with the last chew of the bug of complacency, suddenly everything that you have built falls apart, completely and irrevocably. Nothing remains except that connection with Him and your empty hands, like a beggar in the street……..
I don’t even feel like saying anything to my fellow sisters who are “busy” taking their children to dance, soccer, extra lessons etc etc etc, while they don’t have the time for their own self to study, reflect and act upon the words of Allah. Complacent in their daily routines of fulfilling their dunya duties with an occasional quick namaaz thrown in here and there, I fear for them, but am accepting of their fate as I am of mine.
Many times I think I should tell them, that all this is a waste of time. The sustenance of your child is already written, brown nosing the boss at a networking cocktail party will only gain him the disobedience of Allah and nothing more.
In the final analysis all you will be asked, as a parent will be if you taught your child the words of Allah and told him or her that he was an Amana from Allah, and treated him as such.
Sometimes I want to remark on the wasteful disobedience of Allah when they accompany their husband to cocktail/ business parties, some movies or other forms of entertainment, where there is an open display of the disobedience of Allah.
Should I say to these adult women that these are the very things they will be questioned about on the Day of Judgment? I remain silent, because all this seems so preachy and self-righteous, and after all once upon a time I was like them.
And then there is a hard part within me, who whispers to me that this is none of my business and that every one should taste their own punishment and reward. A part of me says they too have The Book in their homes. If they were to be guided by Allah they would at least crack it open, who am I to remind them and shake them from their stupor of complacency…………and so goes the monologue in my brain as I observe with disappointment the choice and priorities that my sisters in Islam make.
But then perhaps I have lost the verve of life and as it has become meaningless for me but not for them, they still enjoy the activities of dunya and find deep complacent satisfaction with it……..
Who am I to shake their complacent world, I have to worry about my Akhirah. I see life differently from them. The destroyer of happiness has paid me a visit so close that I can neither ignore nor forget his presence. For them He is a very remote possibility well hidden under the layers of their complacency, and so be it………and life goes on for now.
Narrated Qais: I heard Khabbab, who had branded his abdomen with seven brands, saying:
“Had Allah’s Apostle not forbidden us to invoke Allah for death, I would have invoked Allah for death. The companions of Muhammad have left this world without taking anything of their reward in it (i.e., they will have perfect reward in the Hereafter), but we have collected of the worldly wealth what we cannot spend but on earth (i.e. on building houses).”
(Book #76, Hadith #438)