It is a random Jumma, but unlike all other Fridays, I am restless, even after Juma prayers, I want to go somewhere soothing, and yet nothing and nowhere comes to mind. I count all the usual places in my head and discard them one by one.
Finally I think and convince myself that may be if I got something to drink it would help so I drive to the local Pakistani store and get my favorite Pakola.
A sugary green carbonated drink that has nothing nutritious in it except the fact that in the can it holds timeless memories of home and usually serves as a comfort food, but not today!
I find myself heading towards the cemetery, find myself sitting on the bench and reading Surah Yaseen. As I proceed aloud the wind chimes join in and the breeze makes music with the leaves.
036.012: Verily We shall give life to the dead, and We record that which they send before and that which they leave behind, and of all things have We taken account in a clear Book (of evidence).
Standing on this very spot in front of Tariq’s grave a while ago I had cried and asked Allah SWT why did he take him before me? My son was supposed to pray at my grave not me at his…………and today I look at my hands, and realize that what ever these hands send forth, that is what I will be rewarded for, Inshallah!.
As the sun sparkles through the leaves I realize that this is my Qadr, this is what Allah Subhanawataala has written for me. My son will precede me to the grave and I will have to work for my own salvation, as I will have no son to pray for me. Perhaps my daughter will pray for me like I pray for my mother,,,,,,but that is a presumption, life changes every moment. I have to accept, submit and become sabir to the fact that these hands are all I have to send forth my petition for jannah.
I have left the sound waves laden with Surah Yaseen for all the muslim residents of the graves that surround Tariq and Ammi…….and as I part I think with wonder…………….once upon a time I had a son.
The sun is sparkling in this fall evening; the solace that I was searching was here with the dead, not the living. As I drive around the cemetery, I see the flowers on the graves, and I realize the significance of what my dear friend S said to me:
“ Every Friday the angels arrive with gifts for the dead. All the souls look expectantly awaiting their gifts, some get gifts some don’t.”
“What are the gifts?” I ask
Duas, prayers, reading of the Quran, by righteous kin and friends left behind in dunya. She replies.
At a later date I read a Hadith which I paraphrase: “ Righteous children praying for their parents, is one of the three things a parent benefits from after death”.
Flowers are to please the living, but a true gift for the dead is a dua, a prayer, a nafil salaat, and recitation of the Quran from the heart followed by a dua of Maghfirah for the dead person.
My mother is very fortunate, all her children pray for her Maghfirah, I pause to think of my brother H awaiting a gift from his daughters, are they praying for him? Allah knows best.
I leave the garden of truth and meander through the Gardens of Love, and Memories and find myself heading home, some degree of solace replacing the earlier restlessness.
Meanwhile hundreds of miles away a father grieves over the loss of his young son, restless and seeking solace.
I wish I could give him the key to the entrance of the Garden of Truth.
JazaaikAllah u Khairan Sister Aisha, please pray for all those mothers who lost their children.
May Allah reward you.
You gave me tears in my eyes as I read this. You write beautifully and your feelings touch me. I can say nothing to ease your pain but I will make duaa for you and for your son.
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This world I am told is a test, peace is in the Hereafter.
May Allah Subhanawataala give you and me the strength and ability to last out our sorrows with sabr and the belief that we shall inshallah attain Jannah along with our sons.
Meanwhile, as you are struggling towards Him with your sorrow, and while you are in the throes of it look around you, how many sons you are helping, Alhamdollillah from every walk of life.
These boys whom you are helping, teaching and guiding by example are also your sons, just in a different garb, sent by HIm to expand your chest and place the love of humanity and other sons in it and vice versa.
Alhamdollillah He is watching us, and will inshallah award solace, peace and sabr and closeness to Him, when it is right for us. He knows when it is right for us.
My prayers are with you and all the bereaved parents who are struggling alongside.
When in distress we say:
“Inna lil lahi wa inna elayhe rajaeown” We come from Allah and to Him we shall return.
Inshallah peace will come and so will salvation! They also serve who wait patiently. May we be counted as one of them.
Thank you for remembering me. I have my own garden of Truth. Starting from 17th of Dec 2007, I have visited my son’s grave everyday. Except for about 10 days I went twice daily. In all these days I have visited after fazr, zuhr, jumma, asr, magrib and Isha. I have prayed at his side in heavy rain, in schorching sun and in the mildest breeze. I have recited every sura, every dua that I know of and that my friends, including you, have taught me.
Belive me I want to get peace, I want to accept my fate. I pray for his salvation and for ours. I ask for nothing but the day when I shall be with my son. You say that we donot know what Allah has planned for us because we donot understand. But Allah Has made mankind as the highest of creation, surely He Has given us the power to understand. It is easier for Shaytan to whisper to a confused mind. Do you think Allah Has sealed my soul from all salvation and solace.