Taken from a course on How to prepare for a blissful marriage by Imam Sabke
Why do human beings find joy in marriage and how one can live the ideal marriage?
These are questions, the answers to which, have been given to us in Allah SWT’s words, scattered like pearls in the pages of the Holy Quran.
Zawaj which means “to get married has been mentioned 81 times in the Quran.
Allah SWT created Adam (AS) and told him to enjoy life and handed him the book of instruction of how to bring joy in his life
It is in the understanding of these instructions that Adam (AS) and the progeny of Adam AS find happiness in marriage.
The intrinsic reasons for marriage are given in the Quran, in many verses. When marriages fail it is because the marriages were contracted for the wrong reasons, or for a single reason and not for the whole package of matrimony.
For example, someone may marry a woman only for her beauty and then if the beauty fades or changes due to an accident of circumstance the reason for his marriage is over and he wishes to seek another.
Or someone may marry a thin woman because that is the current fashion, though in actuality he likes curvaceous well-endowed women, thus the reasoning is one-dimensional and does not actualize the joy of a marriage that is multidimensional.
Allah SWT created Adam (AS) and wanted him to have joy and knew that life for Adam AS would be more enjoyable with a mate, He (SWT) in his mercy and rahma provided him with a wife along with many other bounties.
What is a marriage?
Marriage is a Shariah contract between a man and a woman to have a holistic (not just sexual) relationship encompassing good manners and behavior and of cooperation with each other in the obedience of Allah in everything in their life individually and as mates.
He (SWT) then provided them with guidelines for joy and the prohibitions from acts that would cause discord in them.
In Surah Baqarah 2: 55: 002.035 Allah SWT says:
We said: “O Adam! Dwell thou and thy wife in the Garden; and eat of the bountiful things therein as (where and when) ye will; but approach not this tree, or ye run into harm and transgression.”
The nature of human beings is such that they find life more enjoyable with a mate, thus Allah SWT said “ O Adam dwell in Jannah with your wife…….and you can enjoy all the bounties of Jannah provided you i.e. enjoy what is lawful and if you do so you will be happy, but do not approach one tree……..because Allah knows best.
The Quran is for time immemorial, thus we may not understand the logic and reasoning of some of Allah SWT commands at this time but with progression of time and development of further intellectual discernment, perhaps the future generations will understand those parts of the Quran that escape our understanding at this time.
Thus was the command to Adam AS not to approach a certain tree in Jannah, the reason was not given except that Allah knows best and He (SWT ) would not give a command to Adam (AS) except to protect him from that which is harmful for him.
Sometimes even in every day life we are told to do things, which overtly appear to have no relationship to our goals. If we have an infection in our toe. We are given an antibiotic pill to swallow into our stomachs we don’t put the pill on our toe……do we?
DISOBEDIENCE OF ALLAH=DISCORD IN MARRIED LIFE
The first complication in married life of our first parents occurred with the disobedience of Allah, but Allah did not blame them:
2:36: 002.036: Then did Satan make them slip from the (garden), and get them out of the state (of felicity) in which they had been. We said: “Get ye down, all (ye people), with enmity between yourselves. On earth will be your dwelling-place and your means of livelihood – for a time.”
Thus their disobedience of listening to Shaytaan made them lose their state of felicity in Jannah.
The origin of marriage (between Adam AS and Eve) is pure, but Shaytaan was not happy with this state of blissful state of marriage and put enticements for them to disobey Allah and create disharmony with their surroundings (jannah ) and each other……they were then sent to Earth.
My note; It is said that our mother Eve and our father Adam (AS) were parted on earth and their search came to an end when they found each other at Jabal ar Rahma at Arafaat.
Shaytaan creates jealousy amongst spouses and Allah SWT warns us in the Quran that “do not follow the steps of Shaytaan”
And “know that you (Adam AS) and shaytaan are enemies to each other.
Allah SWT says to Adam AS and Eve “ go down to the earth and follow my guidance (instructions) and if you do you will be happy.”
The instructions from Allah include dealing with each other (spouses) with respect, compassion, mercy and a good attitude.
For the man Allah SWT gives instructions in the last part of this ayah:
To treat her honorably and even if he does not like one aspect, Allah SWT will bring something good from it.
004.019 YUSUFALI: O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may Take away part of the dower ye have given them, -except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.
Prophet example: He woke up one morning and asked Aisha RA what was there to eat? She said she had not prepared anything. He did not question her why………….which would have perhaps opened a dialogue of unpleasantness. He just said “ Inshallah I will be fasting” and closed the door to the path and steps of shaytaan.
RasoolAllah PBUH was a living example of a husband who behaved honorably with his wives at all times and circumstances. His behavior was “Maaroof” which encompasses honor, compassion, tolerance, love, acceptance, and whatever pleases Allah the most.
To be continued………………………. in part II with “Goals of marraige”