Does Islam Allow Muslim Men To Marry Non-Muslim Women in America?

Q. I have been told that Muslim women are not allowed to marry non-Muslim men but Muslim men are permitted to marry non-Muslim women. What does Islam say?

wedding ringsAnswer by Professor Dr. Kaukab Siddique:

Islam teaches that marriage is half the faith. Marriage is one of the most powerful means for the spread of Islam. It turns hostile communities into friends. The Qur’an used it to break up the well-established system of slavery in pre-Islamic Arabia and then in the rest of the Islamic commonwealth.

Islam does not permit a Muslim, male or female, to marry a non-Muslim, especially in countries like the U.S., China and India where Muslims are minorities.

In a fully developed Islamic state, where Islam is dominant, Muslim men are sometimes allowed to marry non-Muslim women who are chaste and follow the original teachings of Moses and Jesus, pbuh.

In America, people coming in from Arab countries have propagated the view that Muslim men are allowed to marry non-Muslim women. Not only is this an incorrect view it has seriously damaged the Islamic cause in America.

This country has become more pagan than Christian and a non-Muslim woman who comes into a Muslim home is backed by the entire power of the secular State system and the children of such a marriage are educated by a secular education system. Other than in very exceptional cases, such a marriage is very damaging.

Tens of thousands of American and African-American women have embraced Islam during the last two decades. These men who are marrying non-Muslim women are denying marriage to those women who have embraced Islam. Racism and nationalism are often involved in the Muslim male’s decision to marry non-Muslim [usually White] women.

Why have U.S. Muslims been so misled? It has to do with inability to study the Qur’an in CONTEXT and the desire to study the Qur’an WITHOUT the help of the Hadith of the Prophet, pbuh. If we were to know HOW to study Islam, such questions would not arise.

The Qur’an makes it very clear that marriage is to be based only on FAITH in ALLAH and that one of its purposes is to UNDERMINE SLAVERY. Marriage based on CLASS STRUCTURE and NATIONALISM is a clear violation of Islam. Here is what the Qur’an says:

“Do not marry women who associate others with Allah [mushrikat] until they believe. A slave woman who believes is better than one who associates others with Allah [mushrika] even though she allures you. Nor marry men who associate others with Allah [mushrikeen] until they believe: A male slave who believes is better than one who associates others with Allah [mushrik] even though he allures you. They [associaters] beckon you to the Fire but Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden [of Bliss] and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind that they may receive admonition.” [2:221]

Notice that I have written the Arabic word in brackets. It is often incorrectly translated as “disbelievers” and “idolaters” although mushrik is one who associates others with Allah.

All interpretations must end when there is a clear Hadith of the Prophet, pbuh, on the issue. He never recommended marriage with non-Muslim women. Addressing men, he makes it quite clear that Islamic integrity and faith is the requirement for marriage:

“The messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be on him, said: Women are married for 4 reasons: for wealth, for family nobility, for beauty and for Deen: You should marry for Deen, otherwise may your hands be rubbed in the dirt.” [Narrated by Abu Huraira, r.a., in the Sahih of Bukhari and the Sahih of Muslim.]

Deen is a comprehensive term for piety, knowledge and practice of Islam, and Fear of Allah.

Our Arab brothers try to take advantage of a permission granted in chapter 5 of the Qur’an to marry women from the People of the Book: These brothers [conveniently?] ignore the fact that the verse they are using was revealed after the victory of Islam when Islam had become the dominant force in Madinah: ” … [lawful unto you in marriage] are not only chaste women who are believers but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time ….” [5:5]

This is a legal “permission” within a context of Islamic dominance. The Prophet, pbuh, does not recommend it. What is legal is not necessarily the best course.

And Allah knows best.

What is your opinion? 

154 thoughts on “Does Islam Allow Muslim Men To Marry Non-Muslim Women in America?

  1. I have a similar problem with a muslim girl. Jesus is my Lord. We love each other so much until the extend that she is even willing to die for me. But sadly, we have to separate, because we cant marry. She is willing to convert, but her family will disown her. How then can our marriage be happy that way when there is no both sides of parents present? I am confused. I just want God’s will be done. Why bringing such a beautiful lovely girl into my life that loves me so much but we cant marry? Haihh.. May His will be done.


  2. I just was wondering something. I had a relationship with a muslim (I’m british) but he said he had to break up with me because he had to choose either his family or myself but I don’t know is that what happens or was it just a lie. Can anyone help me???


    • hey Ill be honest being in your boyfriends position, i went out with a christian girl for 1 and a half years and it was the best time of my life however, she ended up breaking up with me because she didn’t want to convert and i was in a situation where i wanted to marry her but i couldn’t not because of my family but religiously. honestly i loved her a lot and it breaks my heart even speaking about this but i doubt your boyfriend wanted to break up with you but rather he felt like he had no other alternative. because muslims believe in their religion and have a very strong faith (well most of them) so for them to deviate from it poses a huge challenge. but in my honest opinion, if you feel your boyfriend loved you a lot and you feel he could keep you happy for the rest of your life then converting to islam wouldnt be so bad. however, im a muslim and i am biased and i know this argument can be used the other way as well.


  3. I am a non religious white female massively in love with a Muslim man, our situation started as friends with a cheeky side to it, it was obvious we both felt stronger then normal friends do. We continued to meet up and enjoy each others company falling more and more in love, even though we both knew we shouldn’t . After a year we went on holiday abroad and decided this was the last time we would meet up with each other, we had intercourse in which I found out afterwards he had never done before (he told me he had out of undue embarrassment) when the end of the trip came an we tried to say goodbye but it so hard when neither of us have ever loved anybody before,
    I’m not against religion or of no faith I do believe before the day I die I will have found my religion and I do believe thei is a god out their I just don’t know which one, why? etc. I feel I am just at the start of my religious path and will be able to decide upon a faith when i have researched and become more educated on the matter but what do i do for now? what should i tell him as he is not going to wait around for ever and i feel the longer I put this decision off its like i am rejecting Allah or which ever god I choose to put my faith in? I feel no shame in becoming religious however the area i live in would make it impossible for me to comply with all Allah’s guidelines, there is no mosques Halal food or anything like that and im almost certain my friends and family would not accept my religious choice leaving me no where to go and im sure his family wouldn’t accept me? there isnt a single thing i would not do for this man i feel like walking away is not even an option but i feel equally selfish sticking around while im faithless an not want he can have as a wife, mother of his children etc. I could just wake up tomorrow and say ‘babe all are worries are over i have seen the light’ and live a life of regret, not do i only think its MASSIVELY disrespectful towards Allah to say i believe just because i want something thats impossible to have without Islam behind me but i also dont want him to think i have only converted for this reason? as making a religious choice is something i must discover on my own and in my own time I AM SO LOST 😦 ANY help would be massively apprechiated


    • Chantelle,

      I’m not a scholar but I just wanted to give my opinion here until somebody more knowledgeable comes along.

      You are clearly very dear to this man, if you were his first and if it was out of marriage. You really should just talk to him and explain that you believe in “a God” but your just not sure whether it’s the God of Islam, Christianity (God the Father, not the rest of the Christian trinity) and Judaism or something else.

      If I was this man, it would be enough that your not an Atheist but that’s just me because I’m single not as lucky as this man to have somebody right now.
      It’s my understanding that Muslim men are allowed to marry Christian women, but the children must be raised as Muslim.
      Regarding the halal and other duties – just do your best. Nobody is perfect and God/Allah knows that, the whole idea is that we strive to be better and it sounds like you’re striving.

      The most important thing to do is pray to Allah (if you believe or not) for help and guidance. Ask him to help you come to belief in him because belief in him is the single most important part of Islam along with belief in the prophet Muhammad (PBUH).

      There is a hadith (not as important a source as the Qur’an but still very important) that goes like this:

      “My Lord says, ‘If My slave comes nearer to me for a span, I go nearer to him for a cubit; and if he comes nearer to Me for a cubit, I go nearer to him for the span of outstretched arms; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.’

      If you go walking to God for belief, he will come running to you.


    • Child pleeeeeease please educate yourself very VERY well first before you make ANY decision to marry a MUSLIM !!!!! You are thinking with your heart not your brain !! You are letting your emotions decide ! Do NOT trap yourself In a marriage like this….read the Sharia Laws !!! No sane western woman ….SANE western woman would go that path !!! READ ! THINK ! We are all too often not fitting in their religious world for it is not only a Religion as we are used to but ……a way of life !! SHARIA Law is NO womans friend !!! Especially not one that was not bred and raised that way !!! There is a reason why your family would NOT want you to marry him ! Get over it and marry your OWN kind..they don’t even like us for we are infidels and to be converted or killed especially with the views of the fanatic Muslims !! Child come off your cloud and back to earth ! USE your brain girl !! I know !!!!!! WE don’t think like them ! Totally different culture and religion than what you are used to.


    • Hello ,the problem with your case like many others similar to yours is that you and your “Muslim”boyfriend and other non Muslim boyfriends are IGNORANT and both of parties CONFUSED about MEANING of Muslim.Most of so called “MUSLIMS”today called them self Muslims and they mean tradition,culture ,way they are been broad up ,way they seeing their parents and country man believing and living and they just simply fallow it up .The same story applies to Christians,Jews ,Hindus and all others.But in reality Islam and Muslim is something that CANT BE INHERITED from your parents,family ,neighbors and etc.
      The first thing that one should know and clearly understand about Islam is what the word
      ‘Islam” itself means. The Arabic word “Islam” means the submission or surrender of one’s will
      to the only true God, known in Arabic as “Allah”. One who submits his will to God is termed in
      Arabic a “Muslim”
      That is why Muslims believe that ALL PROPHETS were MUSLIMS and they were fallowing Islam even if we know that most of them didn’t have Arabic name nor they were speaking Arabic at all.But if i were to ask you question you will give same exact answer as Muslims do .
      Number 1 To whom or to how many gods All the Prophets submitted them self’s,or to how many gods surrender Moses or Jesus .Answer to ONE TRUE GOD by definition and term that we use (Arabic) they where in the state (condition)of Islam
      Number 2 If they were in STATE OF SUBMISSION TO ONE TRUE GOD that in our terminology means they were MUSLIMS.
      Just to emphasize better meaning of term or name Muslim is a STATE OR CONDITION of SURRENDER to the Commandments to One True God and this state of condition is NOT CONNECTED with country ,family ,inheritance and etc
      My advice to those who looking sincerely for TRUE MUSLIM is as follows.
      So when you meet some “Muslim” that drinks ,smoke,mix with women goes to bars and all others things that your same kind (Christians,Jews,Hindu )then you should know that there is no DIFFERENCE between that “Muslim” and others they are the same.

      Click to access True-Religion-of-God.pdf

      Click to access Did-God-Become-Man.pdf


  4. I met this amazing guy he is a muslim i fell in love wit him we were friends at first them he ask could i be his girl friend i said yes he text me sunday and said that we had to broke up because his muslim brother was setting him om a date wit a muslim women im still trying to get over this i really loved him.


    • I do not know what to say. He should not have led you up the garden path is all I can say.
      Best Regards, I pray that you will find a better example of a sincere muslim man soon.


  5. Dear brothers and sisters

    i am a muslim women. i have a big dilemma and very stressed about how to go about it

    my partner is sikh and we do want to marry but the problem is ‘muslim women are prohibited from marrying a non muslim”

    i have spoken to him briefly about this, he’s not willing to convert and if he has to its only because he has to. he does not stop me from my beliefs my faith. he himself was raised by his muslim stepfather but he himself is not a muslim

    i also understand that having a family means that a child follows his dads religion.

    i can only encourage and educate him more about islam. he’s not against it he just thinks this is how is was born so why should he change if he’s not changing me or what i belief. also i don’t want to get married without being islamically married first but i don’t want to force him either

    any advise to what i should do, how to go about it.

    someone please help


  6. Assalam I am a Pakistani boy 19 yr old and I am deeply in love with a white american girl she is non Muslim and she is 18 yr old she is in us army I wanted to know if I can mate with here before marriage or not also can I mate with after marriage as she is would be my wife so I cansatisfy my sexual needs?thanks for our time


  7. Well after doing some research..this is really making me rethink my whole relationship. I am non Muslim women and I don’t follow any religion but I just recently got into a relationship with a Muslim man. So far from what I read, a Muslim man can not be with a non Muslim women unless she is a Jew or Christian? if so I don’t understand why my boyfriend would date girls outside of his religion? he has told me he has dated other girls who weren’t religious so i didn’t think it would be a big deal if we were dating but then after reading this it really upsets me because I like him a lot but I feel like being with him is pointless because his parents will never accept me because i am non muslim and I don’t plan on getting married or anything but I feel like I’m just wasting our time! should I just brake up with him?


    • Dear Bmm,
      I am sorry to hear that your muslim friend has not clarified the situation with you. Chaste women of the book (jews and Christians) are eligible for marriage if all other aspects match.
      Use your judgment, if you are in for a long term relationship you may want to look at his faith and see what it does for you.
      I wish you the best.


      • Dear Bmm,
        you seem to be an ethical person who sees the disparity between belief and action. As a muslim living together without marriage is not an option. You said ” I don’t plan on getting married or anything ” Is that what your muslim friend also wants?


    • (Warning in advance, this is lengthy and most often I usually am, but Allah has created me in a particular way and I will not deny what Allah has blessed me with. I hope anyone you happens upon it, especially the Sister with the difficult situation, will take the time to read it)


      There is no ‘dating’ in Islam, This Brother said he dates non religious Women. I am making no negatively towards you my Sister, rather the Brother knows what is required of him (or atleast he should) and has deviated, though for a purely natural human state of being whereby we seek companionship and love and this is nothing to be looked down upon too much, we all want these things Allah has created us as such that he has placed love between us. Aadaam aleihi salam, our beloved Father, is the example of this whereby he was alone in Jannah, though he was with the Angels, until Allah made for him Hawa/Eve our beloved Mother. A Muslim man cannot marry a disbeliever nor can he marry one who associates partners with Allah, or worships other than Allah. When on ponders deeply over what this means, its difficult to come to a conclusion other than Muslims can only marry Muslims. Born Muslim, converts/reverts. Its doesn’t matter. A Muslim since an hour, Or since a life time. The people of the book, The Jews and The Christians. There is no true form of “christianity”, there is one ‘sect’ (if you will) of followers that was acceptable, but someone correct me if I am wrong please anybody, but this no longer remains on earth. Those true followers of Jesus are actually Jews because Jesus peace be upon the prophet of love was “sent not but to the people of Israel” Israel is The Prophet Jacob, aleihi salam. As for Judaism, Any whom rejected Jesus aleihi salam, are not of the believers. Though, only Allah truly knows and this is why when you study deeply upon both worshipping other than Allah and associating partners with him, you will be hard pressed to find anyone who fits other than a Muslim.

      I went on a downward spiral in my life, and one day started speaking online with a young Muslim man from Pakistan who had moved to Australia. He showed such care and compassion in the particular situation I was in, whereas I did not get this from my own family – And this young man was a stranger I had exchanged with online but only a few times. He identified himself as a Muslim, and previous to this I was just about one of the worst when it came to Muslims. I was so arrogant and ignorant about Islam and such a horrible person I would openly abuse a Muslim if I saw one out on the street.

      The character of this young Man immediately made me re-think my perception and study Islam. Alhamdullilah, because I had been using a ‘scientific brain’ for most of my life, and Islam is the only truly scientific religion I came to see the truth. I met with this Pakistani, and we began a relationship which for him is prohibited, but within a matter of months we got married as I accepted Islam.

      Your boyfriend should teach you about Islam, he should be putting his every effort into this because my Sister it is the truth and if this Brother, no matter how great his qualities may be, if he is not teaching you Islam in trying to bring you to Allah then he is failing both himself and you.

      I would advise that you do refrain from intimate relations and focus on conducting a thorough investigation into whether or not you will accept Islam. Alhamdullilah if you do, If you do not and the Brother does not mind so much then, though this is against The Law of Allah subhana wa ta’ala, continue your relationship because he may have weak Iman and may be on his way out of Islam which is heartbreaking and I don’t mean this in a negative way – All I mean is Allah has given us the right to choice and happiness in this world, and if this is the only happiness for the both of you, then only Allah knows what may come.

      But, Sister Investigate Islam, whether your boyfriend teaches you or not, every single thing that happens on earth will only happen if Allah subhana wa ta’ala wills (allows) for it to happen, and only he knows what his plan is and he is the best to plan. You may very well be in the same situation as myself, My husband was in the process of losing his Iman, and I was in a state of despair because of my haram actions and unsettled heart and mind in terms of dealing with the idea of death.

      I believe Allah’s plan for my Husband and myself was two fold, balanced perfectly. He used a Brother who was losing his Iman to bring me to Islam, and the tables have turned as I am now working to help my Husband restore his Iman to its former high level.

      Where there may be an ocean of bad, Allah can plant simply one tiny seed of good and the whole ocean can become good.

      In Surah 47: Muhammad, Ayah 38 Allah says ::

      “Here you are – those invited to spend in the cause of Allah – but among you are those who withhold [out of greed]. And whoever withholds only withholds [benefit] from himself; and Allah is the Free of need, while you are the needy. And if you turn away, He will replace you with another people; then they will not be the likes of you.”

      Maybe you will be of the replacement people Allah speaks of, In shaa Allah. Struggling for, craving for or seeking knowledge are some ways in which Allah blesses one with guidance. One may get it simply because one has a deed that Allah loves so much, or one may suffer calamity upon calamity upon calamity as a blessing from Allah, as he is giving reason to turn to him. Allah guides whom he wills and Allah is All-Knowing and can do All-things, and since we cannot place limitations on Allah the word “All” in these statements can be nothing but infinite, as if one was to place a number on all as we place numbers of all in our reality, one would have to place the highest number in existence… and there is no such thing as addition is infinite. So the ways in which he guides can only be presumed to be infinite, as otherwise one is placing a limit on Allah subhana wa ta’ala.

      Don’t cut it off completely, but the basis is Islam, If the Brother has not lost his Iman. Come to common terms in respect to this, and In shaa Allah you will both find your answers either way.

      Allah grant you both peace and happiness whatever decisions you make, But more importantly may Allah increase this Ummah in numbers by bringing you in – We would love to have you Sis. Each and every single new Muslim is a monumental victory of Allah as the replacements he spoke of are of the likes better than those who have rejected; and something very much beloved to Allah is the person who throws away what they used to have, used to do and used to believe for his sake. Allah is simply waiting for your face to turn toward him, and your heart to open to him. “Ya Rabbi, I was wrong, Forgive me” In a speed so fast no empirical scientific data could reconcile nor comprehend, you have forgiveness and the the blessings that have been raining upon you all your life (whether acknowledged or not) will begin to pour like a rain storm the earth has never experienced.

      Wallahu ‘Alam

      Peace be with you Sister and your boyfriend, and encourage your boyfriend to teach you Islam.
      There is always hope in the mercy and forgiveness of Allah, so long as you still have one last breath with which to ask forgiveness.


      • WAS< thank you sister, you have taken a lot of time and caring to answer the questions from the heart. May Allah guide each one of us into the path of happiness and toward ultimate peace in the house of Salaam (peace) in Jannah.


  8. Dear sir: iam a men i have relationship with non Muslim and she don’t believe any thing, what is your idea to get married is allowed with her or not ?


    • Asalaamoalaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu brothe Ramez,
      I am not a Sheikh and I do not know all your personal circumstances.If you are a muslim and you think, feel and believe it is a beautiful faith then offer it to her. Would you not want to offer such a beautiful gift to her? If she does not believe in anything then she is coming to you as a clean slate. She will only be attracted to you on a longterm basis if you have the Ikhlaaq or manners of Prophet Muhammad pbuh, for that you must read and absorb the life of our beloved Prophet Muhammad pbuh.
      Sometimes Allah sends you beautiful women or men who are searching for Him Subhanawataala so Convey the message as Allah has commanded each one of us to do so, and then if she accepts Alhamdollillah you have a sound, pure and permanent basis for marriage. Allah knows best. Do keep us posted as to what happens. All our duas are for you and the young lady, may Allah guide and help both of you.


      • I am in Germany sir, as i have information as i learn in school says those people that they not believe anything married is not allowed with them, and this information is not enough for me, please give more information thanks your very much 🙂


    • Bismillari-Rahmaanir-Roheem

      As Salamu Aleikum

      In reply to “I am in Germany sir, as i have information as i learn in school says those people that they not believe anything married is not allowed with them, and this information is not enough for me, please give more information thanks your very much” as for some reason there was no reply button on that..

      There are so many different ways in which “believe nothing” can be interpreted, but Inshaa Allah lets see what we have.
      In actual fact, It is entirely impossible for a person to “believe nothing”. A person may completely deny the existence of Allah, and these people are called Gnostic Atheists. Gnostic basically meaning to know, or to have certain knowledge. So these people associate partners with Allah subhana wa ta’ala because to claim knowledge of no Allah means that they have nothing else to attribute existence to other than the scientific theorem whereby they will subscribe to empirical data and nothing else, thus they attribute existence or what they would call the evolution of our existence to basic elements and then primordial elements of what is part of existence. That is associating Allah’s, subhana wa ta’ala, power of creation to parts of creation itself and so it is shirk. These people think they are of the utmost logic and therefore intelligence, and unfortunately they are increasing in number and are spreading their lies as fact, simply because empirical data explains ‘how’ things function, the laws and processes that Allah created to create the perfection of the universe – They just forget that the question ‘why?’ exists and is even more important to the nature of man. If they have lost the ability to ask why, and can only ask how then wallahi they are dead souls, and I ask Allah subhana wa ta’ala that she not be of one of these people.

      Secondly, An Agnostic Atheist, Agnostic being the opposite of gnostic meaning basically it is not possible to know thus they do not deny nor confirm the existence of Allah and as such can be nothing but an Atheist (one opposing a theistic viewpoint, which essentially for this purpose can just be called one who opposes all religion). Quite frankly they are a people who are too lazy to go and research, examine and study to find the truth. People need to examine the word truth, in relation to every single thing around us. Is there one single thing that lacks truth? No. Often truth of matters are unknown because of lies and bias, lack of availability of information etc but the fact still remains that for every single thing in existence, exists its truth. Allah subhana wa ta’ala has allowed us to know but only a minute droplet of the knowledge he possesses, if not even less than that. Agnostic atheists have most often said to me “I’ll believe it when I see it…” Clear cut laziness, and as with every single thing we Muslims encounter, Allah subhana wa ta’ala has blessed us with answers. Wallahi, there is not a single objection one can raise with a knowledgeable Muslim to which he/she cannot provide for them An Ayah, or A Hadith.

      Allah subhana wa ta’ala says in Surah Al An’am, ayah 158 :
      “Do they then wait for anything other than that the angels should come to them, or that your Lord should come, or that some of the Signs of your Lord should come (i.e. portents of the Hour e.g., arising of the sun from the west)! The day that some of the Signs of your Lord do come, no good will it do to a person to believe then, if he believed not before, nor earned good (by performing deeds of righteousness) through his Faith. Say: “Wait you! we (too) are waiting.”

      “Seeing is believing” is a proverb used, perhaps not even by the actual use of the wording and if it’s direct quotation is used, is used by the Agnostic atheist. Though, originally this may date back some time and be related to something said about ‘Eesa aleihi salam, and thus would have now been taken well away from its original meaning and context. This is because people, again. can be too lazy to look for the truth and so these brief, rather weak excuses are used to avoid having to go anywhere other than shallow existence which can almost require no effort in terms of thoughtfulness. Alhamdullilah, if these people are shown the signs and their hearts are not sealed then they will see and believe Inshaa Allah.

      A Deist. This is a really difficult kind of person to label with one word, though Deist is in my opinion the best word for it. I have heard and read it many times that people will believe in some “Higher Power”, but don’t believe that this Higher Power is communicative, nor can we communicate with this Higher Power, Nor are we judged, Guided or Commanded by this Higher Power. ‘It’ (I don’t like this word, Alhamdullilah ‘it’ does not exist in the Arabic language) simply exists, does not intervene in any way and they reject religion, as all atheists do, as if it is mans way of explaining the unexplainable. This becomes because so complex because these people can be strangely mystical while still denying Allah is involved with his creation. They can be naturalists who may or may not ascribe to the kind of evolution we know is silliness or they can be of the opinion that the only thing that exists is this Higher Power… “We are but a dream within a dream”, so many different variants. Problem is, How can the created decide what the creator is, this is a clear contradiction of logic.

      Lastly Brother, The closest thing to “believing nothing” is nihilism, in the meaning that they deny absolutely all existence, though that itself is a belief. We have brains, we think, we form ideas, and these can then form the basis of belief alone without influence from any external source. That thought process proves existence as without existence thought process cannot exist either, whether or not one really knows what existence means. For example, one can spend their entire life in a sensory deprivation ‘enclosure’ where (if we could even invent such a thing) one will see, hear, smell, feel and taste nothing. Remove the exposure of the five senses to everything they can experience, all one would be left with would be ones own thoughts. To me, this clearly proves empiricists are entirely ignorant no matter how high they score on an IQ test, take away their ability to observe and use empirical data and they will be at a complete loss. May Allah guide them.

      May Allah protect us with his infinite might and power from Nihilists, every single atom they are made of they have made evil as they deny the existence of morals. They deny there is right and wrong.

      Allah Yubaarik Fiik Brother, I ask Allah subhana wa ta’ala that he make her of the kind who is waiting for a sign, and then Brother you need to show her because they are abundant and you will continue finding new ones every single day of your life Inshaa Allah. Allahu Akbar!

      I ask Allah to forgive any errors I may have made, and ask if anyone sees any they offer me correction.
      I have studied nowhere, and work from my own logic and reasoning and therefore can be entirely wrong about something. So, please take this as an opinion to ponder upon rather than anything else. Allahu’Alam

      Allah Hafiz


  9. Salam Alaikum What do I do if I have already married a non Muslim and we have a daughter. What does Quran or Hadith says about this pls. Thank you


  10. I am a non-Muslim girl but I am truly in love with a Muslim man. He truly loves me too. There is honesty in our relationship. We do not want to part ways because we have become attached to each other. In doing my research I came across reasons why a Muslim man can not marry outside of Islam. One of the reason was that the woman will distract him from his faith. But that is not true. I never interfere with his religion. I love him the way he is and accept him the way he is. On the side note, I am not very religious and neither is he. However, we share absolutely the same values, so on moral grounds we are the same.
    Another reason was that the issue of their children’s religion. The rational is children take on the religion of the father, and assuming that the father is the head of the household, he’ll have the last say on how the religion will be practiced as a family. In this regard, if I can somehow provide in writing that our children will follow Islam, it that acceptible?

    In reading your blog, it was mentioned that honesty and faith is the recipe for marriage. If we have the honesty, respect for each other’s religion and faith in superior power, then why are we forbidden to get married? In an attempt to better understand Islam and its teaching, I took a Islam course in university. As a whole, I am showing respect for Islam in all ways possible and I truly understand his beleifs. Is there any way our marriage is possible?

    Your help is greatly and truly appreciated. Thank you for your time!


    • Dear Gurpreet, here they belive in faith, not respect for other religion. As i belive either ur sikh or Hindu. who doesnot belive in one god ( i;e Allah). if ur eitther Jew or Chirstian, & if ur residing in Islamic country then allowed.


  11. Marry people of the Book. The book being the Book revealed by Allah ? Eg Injeel. And people of the Book would mean those accepting the Book.

    Currently we apparently do not have any of the previous Revealed Books in their purity. And secondly I know not of anyone who adopts these books.

    How then can one consider modern day Christians and Jews as people of the Book. Neither is the Book evident nor is their ascribing to it.


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  13. Asllamo Alaikum

    Dear Brothers,
    I need guidance in my personal matter. I am a software engineer working in bangalore.Alhamdullilah I am a faithful muslim offering salah and strict to iman. I want to marry my colleague who is a non muslim girl. But she is ready to convert. I lost my parents years back, so the entire nikah and walima has to be managed by myself. I want your guidance in following matter:

    1. what are the criterion for this kind of nikah.

    2. Please specify if there is any anzuman or community or place in bangalore/hyderabad/kolkata
    where I can schedule this nikah and walima programme.

    3. After nikah, I will go for registry marriage, to whom and where to approach for that and.what are the conditions for this.

    I seek your full guidance in the above matter. Waiting for your replies.

    Jazakallah Khair
    Yours brother
    Dabirul Alam


  14. been married to a muslim last 15yrs got married at 18yrs on mu nika i asked my husband if i could keep my christian faith in honour of my mother also to agree to marrying only one wife! that was the condition i gave him before we could marry he agreed and told me i just had to change my name or else we cant b married and do i did! we had problems off n on in marriage he married a muslim woman later without telling me we cant get past that am so angry i feel used n lied too. n now i even find out because i did not change my religion n practise the religion when he dies the islam law will not recognise me as his wife!!! fifteen yrs of my life three kids??? i did recite the ashahad but according to him it did not matter now i find out different!! i accepted for our kids to b muslim before they were even born i lnew i could not do the more than one wife thing i made sure he understood that before i committed myself…. how is this fair i trusted him i belived him now i have wasted all this time for what?? i threw away all my dreams i wanted yo study b someone now this is what i get!!! am very angry it how is this fair? can you muslim brothers advice me or put me right! my mother always brought us up beliving we are all the same i never treated him any different i respected his religion how is this fair??


    • Dear Sis

      At first i am so sorry for everything you have been through, although i know it wont give you back what you have lost.

      My dear sis, lets keep religion aside for the time being, if some problems arise between husband and wife, so they can be mutually resolved through a mutual compromise. Although, i am sorry again about being lied and feel wasted and surely your husband will be questioned upon the day of resurrection for wasting away your life with a lie unless you forgive him. I believe you love that man dearly that is why you have spent such a long time with him along with 3 kids MASHALLAH.

      What i will suggest you, in your case, however its my suggestion only, knowing that what has happened all along with you, you can study islam, may be you find it appealing for you and you turn into a practicing Muslim. Now, you will say, you are trapped anyway, my sis, people can divorce each other irrespective of their religion or even they are atheist in case things doesn’t work out for them, i have seen numerous cases myself.

      There seems to no other option, i guess, however no one can force you or should force you to change your religion, just give it a try, your heart may b blessed with enlightenment.

      Its my suggestion to everyone Please be honest with people irrespective of the faith and honesty is the trademark of being a Muslim so i pray for everyone, including myself to follow the path of honesty. Amen

      I hope and will pray for you 🙂


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    • ASA Tarik, I am not sure which country or state you are in? In the USA, the Justice of Peace can marry you legally for this country, but you are not married as a muslim (in the eyes of Allah) unless you have a nikah, and for that you need an Imam. You can go to the mosque or invite him to your home, and you also need two God fearing, practicing muslims to be your witnesses. Check with your state laws.
      Allah knows best.


  17. Assalamu Alaikum brother asqfish,

    I just want to say hello and thank you kindly for giving your time and your knowledge to us all.
    I am a convert myself and I am still not a fully practicing muslim, but I am trying and I am getting there slowly.

    I just want to say JazakAllahu khair for the way you give Dawah and for the way you are courteous and respectful.


  18. asa brother Ali,
    Please feel free to write your dilemma. Inshallah I will do my best to come up with a logical and true answer to the best of my ability and perhaps one of readers might help who has been in a similar situation.
    JazaikAllah hu Khairan!


  19. Asqfish

    I love your comments on this site and subhan allah mashalla you have a way with words and are very knowledgable in regards to islam. I have a small problem of my own. I would love to discuss it here although I’d rather we discuss it more discretely, your time would be much appreciated. Facebook, email or what have you. I would really appreciate it if you could help me for I am in quite a dilemma. I tried navigating on this blog/site but find it very difficult. I hope I will get some confirmation when you reply to my post or I’ll just have to recheck this blog. thank you


  20. Muslim women are very pretty, I would convert just because of that beauty alone. But I am starting to think beauty is a curse, a hindrance. What is beautiful for a man who is blind ?


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  22. firstly islam does allow marriage into other religions with no conversion just as long as the children are brought up as muslims but is not a part of the shariyah law and thus many may disagree but i doubt that you people who follow shariyah have never stolen when you were little also in the quran it says that no punishment comes to you in this world but after death when you are being judged so why does your hand get cut off?


    • Dear watever,
      Thank you for your comments. I think if you read the article carefully you will understand your first sentence to be erroneous.
      The crux of the Islamic religion is harmony and peace. Those who can demonstrate that even against odds is called “Sabir” or patient (rough and inadequate translation of a word with a wealth of meaning), will be admitted into the harmonious and peaceful living of Paradise.
      as far as Shariah there are several steps of shariah:
      1. The shariah of worship
      2. The shariah of societal living
      3. The shariah of personal behavior
      The first is worship and is given to us in the Quran and Sunnah
      The second is derived from the Quran and Sunnah and evaluated according to the time and place we live in.’The third is derived from the Quran and Sunnah and we are personally responsible for it to God.

      As far as punishment goes, for adultery, lying or thievery there are many precepts, adultery needs four witnesses, lying and thievery also have specific need for it to be proven for punishment, which can only be meted out by a legal system which upholds these laws, otherwise the laws of the land have to be respected.

      For more detail read the explanation of the Quran called Tafseer and it will help you understand the basis of the harmony of muslim living.
      Allah knows best.
      Thus i


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  26. assalamu alaikum,

    Again thanks for replying.

    So there is no way in your knowledge that i can live with my lover until she is converted to islam. It will take sometime to do that.

    I believe that if she reverts to islam just to be with me,it wont be a true conversion.She have to accept what islam is.. Accepting a faith takes time,its not like joining a political party. I will try my best to lead her to islam.May allah bestow her his hidayath.

    There is one more doubt. Why is it that we are allowed to marry Ahl e kitab? it doesnt make much sense now.As you know the Kitab’s other than Quran is editted and changed so much that,it is not the real Injeel or thourath any more. I dont think considering the current condition of the “Kitaabs”, it wont be wise to follow that rule of marriage because the followers of Bible n all is more or less like followers of any other religions,may be worse.

    I have read that Allah allowed marrying people of Ahl e kitaab because of the respect for the prophets like Isaa and Moosa ( Alaisathu vasalaam) .BUt if the people now is doing the opposite of what the prophgets has preached them,can they be called “Ahl e kitaab”..?

    We have to see the sense and logic in Qurans instructions rather than following it blindly. Right?

    As i understand it, the logic behind “Ahl e kitaab” is that they have followed the “one god” allah,even though they havent accepted The Rasool (MPUH) . In that case,if any person who accepts the scientific and logical idea of “Allah the One supreme power” is more acceptable,than those belive in multpitle god thesis.

    And since the so called “Ahl e kitab” now is doing exact opposite of what they have been tought by their prophets,i think in truth Quran wants us to marry the people who believes in “One god” than their Kitaab.

    Am i being right here?it is just what i have felt about the subject. I have always loved islam because it is the ONLY logical and scientific religion i ever knew. Not just because i am muslim by birth.

    I believe that Allah wants us to think anf search for the truth in things rather than following anything blindly.If all people out there did that,they would all end up in islam 🙂


  27. Assalamu alaikum sister,

    I was trying to learn more about islam,and obviously i went in detail on rules n regulations of nikah.I came along with something that might help me.But,i need your advice on it.

    What is Nikah misyar? Is it allowed in my case?

    I hope you will find time to look into my case and help me out.This is the question of a down to earth faithful muslim to find redemption in his faith,in hope that islam wont ask him to tear apart the love of his life.


    • Walaikum Asalaam, I am not familiar with the term of Nikah that you mention, please ask a scholar or your Imam.
      JazaikAllah Khair.


    • assalamu alaikum..

      I really appreciate that you find some time to answer me..
      I am sorry if am not being clear in my words,My language is not that good enough..

      By “living with her” i mean to have a life together without
      the formality of a marriage. I was told once by a friend that if she is not reverted to islam,then i cannot marry her as per islamic doctrines (nikah) .And living with her is not allowed as far as we are not bind by nikah.

      I am a god fearing man,and i wouldnt want to go against what Allah has commanded.But i want to clarify if what i know is the truth.

      I hope i have made my words clear now..

      Am i allowed to live with her ( like any married couple do) without a Nikah?

      If it is an offence to live with the girl i love without a nikah, How serious is it?

      Is it just “not recommended”..or is it a “Haraam”?


      • Walaikum Asalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu,
        Islam is a religion that makes family and a safe and intact society its priority.
        Living without marraige connotes a lack of committment at a very deep psychological level.
        So here is what I know from my humble knowledge of the Quran:
        1. No! Living together as man and wife without Nikah is forbidden in our religion
        2. You can get a nikah done with a woman who is Ahl e Kitaab, (people of the book, christian or jew) The reason it is not a good idea in the long run are discussed in the above article post.
        3. If she loves you and she respects your faith and values she should be able to convert. If she does not agree with your faith then after the first glow of honeymooning has worn off, you have a long hard life ahead of you with lots of friction and heartache especially when the kids come……and so on.
        4. It IS a serious offence to live with a girl without nikah, it is called fornication and has some pretty stiff punishments.

        So my suggestion is to ask her how serious she is about spending her life with you, and if she agrees in the concept of One God only, who does not have a son, nor is he begotten, then take her to the mosque to perform Shahada and nikah.

        May Allah protect both of you and bring you happiness.
        Keep me posted as to the outcome.
        JazaikAllah Khair!


  28. Salaam Sister,
    May you and your family be of highest positions in heaven.

    I have read through your posts and others,i think you can help me out.

    I am a Muslim,recently reinvented my faith.I am trying to study it to the best and will continue until my death.My knowledge of islam right now is limited and my life itself is demanding me to learn it more.Here is my situation.

    I am from a Muslim family,my parents are the best any man can ever get.I intend to be with them and fulfill my obligations as a son,not only in fear of Allah but also to hope that by doing so,Allah will find someone to take care of myself when i am old.I love my parents very much and it will tear me apart to cause them any pain.

    I never ever touched a girl in my life,tried to look away from their beauty as much as i can,and i am proud to state here that because of me,some of my friends (muslims and non muslims) didnt go to adultery. I am what i am,because i feel adultery is a great sin and also if i went behind other girls i will not be even “eligible” to pray to Allah for a virtuous partner.

    I have a friend whome studied with me when i was in college.She is a non muslim.She is not Christian or Jew.But she doesnt believe in Idol worshipping or anything of that sort.Her view of god is that there is only one and only POWER which will answer our prayers and should be prayed directly without any mediatories.Isnt that what the first part of shahaada is..?

    The point is,We have been friends for years and recently,circumstances made it so that we had a intimate moment in life which turned out to have opened a new level of realtionship between us.She is the first girl i have ever touched,and i cannot ever leave her again..Ever.

    We have decided to live together.But marriage is a distant dream because my parents and her parents will not allow it unless Allah himself bestows a miracle for us.I pray for that every day in my life.I will try to convince my parents by guiding her to islam,my parents will accept her with whole heart once she is a muslim.They will be overjoyed actually 🙂

    But she cannot convert because it will hurt her parents.And she wont even marry me unless i have permission from them,again its impossible. I have promised her that i will wait for her,with full loyalty towards our relationship as far as she is there somewhere
    for me. I have lead my adolescent age without touching a girl,and i can lead the rest of my life like that..for her.. and it is more easier for me than earlier because now i have her,although we will be apart.I will do it..

    In case some miracle did happen and we got to have a married life,I have told her that i intend to lead our children (if Allah blesses us with them) to islam and she has nothing against that.She has a great regard for islam and her religion too.Its just that she got her own version of it.

    As you know she believes in one god,and she want to live a life where she can fulfiil her “dharmas” according to her religion. And when she explained it to me,its all in accordance with islam.She wants to lead a good life,fulfilling her duties as a daughter.She dont want to hurt anybody if she can help it.

    Now that i have told you about her version of faith in god,Isnt she eligible to embrace islam?

    If i married her without reverting,will that be a valid islamic relationship?Or should i wait until she is reverted fully?

    If she declared shahaadath,can i marry her then and guide her to the rules of islam? I KNOW it wont be difficult for her to follow it,because she is already cutout for it.I see a great chance of she reverting not just to marry me,but to for her own sake. But it will take time.

    i will learn more about islam and try to guide her into it.May Allah shower his Hidayath upon us..

    I hope you will find time to answer me.

    Salaam to all..


    • Walaikum Asalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu!

      This is a complex situation and I do not know if I can give you the right advice.

      I have always believed in honesty at the front end, if one goes in a relationship with no clarity of what the expectations are of each person in the relationship then to change the rules later on is traumatic, and destructive.

      If she believes in Tawheed with her heart, then there is not obstacle. Go to your local mosque, find two witnesses who are God fearing muslims of a high calibre of emaan and ask her to take her shahada there, in front of them.

      After that you will be the facilitator of her learning of Islam.

      Everything else, parents, relative, employers etc. all of them will fall into place, when they know that the two of you are committed to a legal relationship with one focus and one set of values under Islam.

      There is no better way to fulfill her duties as a daughter than as a muslim as we are commanded by Allah to do so (surah Isra).

      Remove yourself from her untill both of you have made a committment to follow Islam as your Deen and are married.

      Perform much Istighfaar for any disobediences that you may have done.

      Perform the prayer of Istikharaah and see what happens.

      Allah Subhanawataala will show you the way.

      May Allah Subhanawataala help you in making the right decision for this dunya and for your Akhirah.

      Do keep us posted, our prayers are with you.


      • Salaam sister,

        Thank you for answering me..
        What i really wanted to know is whether i can live with her without she converted..? I read that if i can ensure that our children will be brought up as muslims,i can live with a non muslim girl.But i want to confirm it.

        What does islam say about marrying a non muslim girl? What if she is not ready to embrace islam?

        Can i live with her and then try to influence her into islam?


  29. Shane:
    This is the spot where your disrespectful comment was deleted.

    Bad language, disrespect of our Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings upon him will not be tolerated.

    If you wish to disagree you are welcome, but abusive language is not allowed.

    You may want to vent your anger in a healthy manner by running around the block till you are exhausted, and then fall on your knees and ask forgiveness for yourself and your bad attitude towards people.

    Your problem is not with muslims it is with life!

    I pray that God helps you find the right track, meanwhile keep running and keep that mouth closed till only beneficial things can come out of it.
    Thank you.


  30. Hello Jain,
    Thank you for you very thoughtful comment. I apologize for the delay in answering you.
    You have mentioned that you are attracted to an African Muslim man. The unspoken characteristic of a Muslim man is that he emanates his religion from every pore of his being.
    If his is practicing, which means that he has imbued the practices of the Sunnah i.e. the prophets (PBUH) tradition in his daily life, he is even more attractive because the Prophet showed his sincere caring in his daily activities, and he is emulating him.
    You said:
    ” Saying all this I have always believed and will continue to believe that love will overcome anything and as one very insightful person quoted earlier, love is blind to color, race, culture and religion, we cannot help where our heart falls, it just does. An we as Human Beings with free minds and open hearts should follow what we inwardly know is right…religion or love…it’s our choice to follow whichever is the strongest.”

    Love has many faces, the physical love, the spiritual love, the respect for another and so on……………If love is only governed by desire i.e. what we want, also called the Nafs, it changes with circumstance, and physical attributes, Many times it goes away and then sometimes it comes back. Sometimes one partner is in love and the other is not and or wants to follow his heart with someone else where his heart may have fallen……….this brings extreme stress to a human being, especially the one who is losing the love.

    Islam is a way of life that has been designed by God Almighty who knows the psyche of his creation, he knows how women love and want to nest and how men love and want to spread the seed. If I did not know that the Quran was the word of a Just God I would say he favored women in His book.
    The boundaries of marriagee in Islam have been demarcated such that both partners obey the guidelines because they fear and love God Almighty and are accountable to Him. Thus when the “heart of one falls out of the marriage zone” then he brings it back to the marriage bed by remembering the Commandment of Allah and I paraphrase: that “if there is something about your wife that you do not like try and look for something that is pleasant and that you will like”

    Islam as a way of life protects family life at the expense of “freedom of personal desires”. Most of the rules that have to do with etiquette between the genders have to do with curtailing the personal desires and passions that may want to linger outside the marital bed and bring them back to the circle of the family.

    As far as updating the Quran you say:
    I feel maybe like all good manuals for all things in life, they need updating as things change, as society changes. We would never use the 1950s mechanics handbook to aid in repairing our modern car, so maybe, just maybe the guide used by all religious people, whether the Quran, the Bible or any other form of guidance needs reassessing to fit with the modern society”

    You will notice that the hard and fast rules in the Quran have to do with human behavior and are designed towards creating a harmonious society where everyone recognizes and respects the rights of others.

    So let us see what has changed in human behavior in 1400 years: Men and women experienced, jealousy, anger, insecurity, sadness, grief, depression, addictions (to alcohol and gambling), power, arrogance, predator ness, greed, love, passion, etc. in those days and they still do now.

    Even their responses to these emotions and feelings have not changed. Medically we know that human nature has remained the same as it was 1400 years ago. Coping skills have changed; we internalize more, and create more stress on our bodies and have more psychosomatic diseases.

    There fore the Quran as a manual of human behavior remains valid now as it was then and for the future. There are things in it though that were not understood in the last two decades but are understood now.
    One such example is a medical fact that the sperm determines the sex of the baby. Modern physicians read this quarter of a century ago and wondered at the validity of such a statement. They are appropriately humbled now, and recognize the limitation of the human intellect, and that modernism is a passing fad for a finite period.
    There are things in the Quran that we don’t understand currently, which I presume are for the future.

    One of the reasons why non-Muslim women are so attracted to good practicing Muslim men is that they have an aura of decency and permanence around them and that is imbued in them from childhood and is the true reflection of their faith.

    I wish you the best. May Allah Subhanawataala guide you to what is best for you and for this young man. Please forgive me if I have offended you in any manner.
    May you both be blessed with the mercy of Allah in your search for guidance and Love.


  31. Asalaam o alaikum US,
    There are three aspects to your dilemma as I see it but I am only human and thus fallible and can make mistakes:
    1. You have met someone who respects you …….but not enough to adopt your belief system. I did not say faith, because Islam permeates every aspect of your life and living and thus is a part of you and you are a reflection of it.
    Faith on the other hand is usually a Sunday morning item, in most cases and then one lives in what ever way ones Nafs feels like for the rest of the days, this is not true of Islam.
    Even luke warm muslims, or B muslims as my children used to categorize, i.e. they believe but do not practice, when it comes to daily life, find it difficult to live with someone who does not have the same ethical principles as our Deen dictates. Friction occurs at all fronts, small and large and eventually the relationship sours.
    2. You have not mentioned if this gentleman has been vetted by a mahram or mahrams in your family or extended family, for they may be able to see something that you are missing with your rose colored glasses right now.
    3. If you have been emotionally abused in a previous marraige and have not done serious work in couseling then you may be attracted to a similar man.

    Finally there is no legal marraige between a muslim woman and a man who is not a muslim. This is a law that was made by God to protect women from emotional, physical and financial abuse.
    Muslim women cannot invoke the laws and courtesies of their faith if their partner does not bow to the same forces.

    However if this young man is willing to take Shahada and sincerely willing to learn and practice the Deen of Islam then there is no harm in tying the knot.

    If your Istikharah does not signal a Shahada from him, then perhaps he may not be the right man for you, and the right man may be standing right next to you and you may not have even noticed him.

    I pray that I have given you the right advice, may Allah forgive me if I have not.

    May Allah Subhanawataala guide you, protect you and prevent you from making a mistake in this world for which you may have to pay for in the Hereafter.

    Do keep us posted as to what happens next…………:)


  32. Asalaam o alaikum Brother Ken Khan,
    I apologise for the delay in answering you, but I got sidetracked with some negative energy.
    as to your question:

    if she is willing to leave all her believes,of other gods.will say ONESS OF ALLAH N PROPHET(SAW),as the messenger of god..
    Then what to do,where to take her to?

    I say take her to your nearest mosque with two witnesses and declare this (shahada) and then help her find peace and security in our Deen.

    Inshallah with your help and both of you will find the path to jannah.
    Jazaik Allah Khiar!


  33. Dear assalamalikum-
    Marriage can take place when u take shahada and that is understood as done then only i mentioned allah is giving the chance for u to come to his path by way of entering in marriage
    i think i must have added the line shahada then marriage to specify-so i make it claer now for yourgoodself-
    but now it is clear i hope my point of explanation-


  34. Asalaam o alaikum Layluf,

    I think you are misquoting, as far as I can remember ” it is when you take shahada that your past sins are forgiven,” not when you marry.

    However marraige is half of faith as it prevents many bad paths that one might take otherwise.
    Allah knows best.


  35. Sister US, walaikum asalaam wa rahmatullahe wa barakatahu!
    These are all difficult decisions, but if you consult the life of the Prophet (pbuh) you will find an example that will help you, or ask your local Imam.

    As for going into a faith with no intention of following it is insincere and breeds a difficult life for the person and all those around him or her.

    It is best to come to a state of Tawheed and accept the continuous affirmation of One God and all other things will come with taleem.

    It is best to take this gentleman to the Imam and let him attend some sessions on Islam the basic aspects, this will give him an idea of the beauty of our faith.

    If he finds that it is unpalatable then it is better to know at the front end rather than make a mistake in going through with a relationship that may not be good for you.

    I cannot give good advice as I do not know you, and I am not a Mufti.

    Involving the Imam and other decent helpful brothers at the mosque might help put things in perspective.

    The best method to make a decision is to perform Dua Istikharah after two rakat of nafil prayer and ask Allah which decision will be good for you and your Deen.

    You can go to ww.
    and find the Dua in Arabic , transliteration and the english meaning.

    Jazaik ALlah Khair, may Allah allow you to make a decision that is good for you.


    • WS, Asqfish
      I have prayed salat e istikhara numerous times for this issue, and even had someone else (my teacher from school who is like a mother to me) do it for me, and we have not seen anything negative come into the relationship at all. She says I should go ahead with it and marry him and slowly teach him Islam as I live with him. He believes in 1 God, Sikhs believe in most of what we muslims do, except the resurrection part, which they got from Hindus. The local imams are not helpful – as you know, most barely know the religion. When I presented to them that I have met someone very nice and need help as to “how to introduce Islam” to him, they berated me and told me to “forget him”! That I was intelligent, good looking and young and would find a good man son. They have not been in my shoes to know that I have been looking for 14 years and have not found a “good man”.


  36. So the dating is being recorded
    But verily over you (are appointed angels) to protect you
    Kind and honorable writing down (your deeds):
    They know (and understand) all that ye do.


  37. I am very grateful for the comments on this page and have read them and ‘tried’ to understand and reason out the implications of ‘inter religious’ marriage.
    I am however still very unsure as to what I feel is right or wrong here.
    I am a white Christian female and am dating an African Muslim man, albeit in the UK. And feel at the age of 46, many of the worries of marrying for ‘right and wrong’ reasons are no longer valid. He is a ‘good practising’ Muslim, and I am a very slack, ‘sometimes practising’ Christian. But I feel having lived well, thoughtfully and respectfully for the full length of my life that I am ‘no lesser’ person for not practising. At the moment we do not have plans to marry, we are just happy within our relationship, learning about each other with respect for the other’s beliefs and needs. If at any time we did decide that we would like to make this relationship more permenant then I certainly for one, would have to give this much thought, and not for my benefit but for his. I would question his beliefs and would need to know how this would affect his daily life as a Muslim, how it would make him feel, would it detract him from his faith in any way. I would not and could not be responsible for someone losing their faith, that is not the object of love is it?
    Saying all this I have always believed and will continue to believe that love will overcome anything and as one very insightful person quoted earlier, love is blind to colour, race, culture and religion, we cannot help where our heart falls, it just does. An we as Human Beings with free minds and open hearts should follow what we inwardly know is right…religion or love…its our choice to follow whichever is the strongest.
    Why then, when as quoted above that there is need to spread the word and keep the religion going and growing, would a religion turn its back and persecute a man for following his heart, so he may turn from his religion, when if it was accepted that he could marry whom he loved, he would keep believing and therefore the word would still keep being spread and the religion keep growing instead of losing members due to being so insular in its beliefs.?? I am the last person to disrespect any religion, colour, creed or culture, and I mean no disrespect by what I have said, but I feel maybe like all good manuals for all things in life, they need updating as things change, as society changes. We would never use the 1950s mechanics handbook to aid in repairing our modern car, so maybe, just maybe the guide used by all religious people, whether the Quaran, the Bible or any other form of guidance needs reassessing to fit with the modern society.
    These are obviously the views of someone ignorant to the teachings, and beliefs to a degree, but they are the views of someone who thoroughly respects other cultures, etc and still believes in the power of love in whatever form we find it. Be it from God, Allah or from the person in our life that we love without question, would lay down our life for and honour and rspect untill we take our last breath.
    Thank you for your time and I wish you all blessings, good health, happiness and peace, and hope you did not mind me just saying my peice, Thank you x


  38. Thank you!
    My girlfriend and me are currently trying to work this out… I’m definitely into that topic and trying to inform myself… will see were it will lead us 🙂


    • Salam/ Peace HM and asqfish
      I am a fairly practising muslim woamn, divorced after an emotionally abusive marriage. I have finally found a man who has treated me with the respect I was looking for, but he is not muslim. He believes in 1 God. He is also divorced and has 2 girls under the age of 10. We do not plan to have any children because we are in our early 40s and I have a medical condition now which makes pregnancy risky for my life. He has agreed to say the shahda, but like HM, does not wish to fully practice it. His fitrah is good, but he never knew any muslims growing up and I am the 1st muslim friend he has ever had. Does the fact that we dont plan on children, he respecting me practising my faith without any barriers from him and he willing to read about Islam with me make it any great sin if we marry? We both are professionals and I am not dependant financially on him. He wants his girls to continue their religion bec his ex takes them to their services and he fears his family will ostracise him if they knew he converted to Islam. In early days of Islam, if there was fear of persecution and being killed for converting, new muslims were asked to keep their conversion b/w them and Allah. what do you think of my situation?


  39. Asalaam o alaikum HM,
    When asking the Sheikh of our mosque at a meeting where three young men who were considering taking shahada were present (including my daughters husband), he said:
    The most important beginning point is” Tawheed”, which is the continuous affirmation of One God.

    If one has that affirmation of one God (Tawheed) firmly embedded in ones heart than one can take shahada. The rest of the practices come later with study and evolving a life in which one is accountable in our actions to One God.

    A muslim is a portrait in the making, it is never perfect, but the main essence is the intent, ………do you truly honor and believe in the Oneness of God to the exclusion of all others (Jesus, Buddha, etc) even though you currently feel uncomfortable adopting all the practices?

    You are not expected to jump in and do everything right away but your intention should be to learn more about the faith as you go.

    All the practices are tools to bring harmony in your life and in the people around you.

    Allah Subhanawataala says in the Quran and I paraphrase: I have only forbidden you those things that are harmful to you.

    Adultery, gambling, alcohol, Pork and lying. These are the very basis of broken marraiges, bankruptcy, addiction (especially in those people who may have the gene for chemical dependence), spousal abuse, numerous diseases, and misery.

    Change is difficult but no matter what we do, it is inevitable, then why not change towards something that is sure to bring harmony and peace in your home and outside.

    Only when both partners in marraige are answerable to One God do they tide over the rough spots in marraige, because they are both answering to one set of rules which are Divine.

    Only if you are totally sincere in your intent for accepting tawheed then take Shahada, otherwise study further and ask God to set you in a direction that is best for you and for the young muslim lady.

    May He Subhanawataala guide you towards the best direction, where he seems to be beckoning you.

    PS These are just my humble opinions, Allah knows best!
    do keep us updated…………:)


  40. “Do not marry women who associate others with Allah [mushrikat] until they believe. A slave woman who believes is better than one who associates others with Allah [mushrika] even though she allures you. Nor marry men who associate others with Allah [mushrikeen] until they believe: A male slave who believes is better than one who associates others with Allah [mushrik] even though he allures you.
    They [associaters] beckon you to the Fire but Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden [of Bliss] and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind that they may receive admonition.” [2:221]


  41. Dear asqfish,
    thank you for your nice words!

    I guess that now I understand the point. Up to now, I was somehow thinking that muslim men were generally allowed to marry from among the “people of the book” (it’s presented that way on some other websites), that’s why I was confused why muslim women are not (also as 2:221 was used as an argument for both).

    Still, what I do not understand is, why are there exaptions for men but not for women and what are those exaptions???
    (In my opinion the argument that women are generally weaker and that men are the heads of their families and therefore able to raise their children according to Islam while women would not be able to do so, is not really true in today’s society…)

    I was already thinking about converting to Islam, but mainly for that one girl and not so much because of my faith. I do believe in one god and would convert for her, but I would definitely not stick to all teachings/rules of Islam… For example, I would (as I am already doing that) incorporate most Islamic values in my daily life and I don’t really care about paying that yearly contribuation to the Islamic community and some other things, but would probably not pray 5 times a day nor would I strickly stick to Ramadan or refrain from (moderately) drinking alcohol…
    Would our marriage still be valid if I convert (mainly for the sake of her family)? Can I convert under those circumstances??

    Btw… don’t get me wrong, I know that religion is not a pick-what-you-like thing, but I would have a clean conscience about converting as to me I wouldn’t be lying to myself or someone else. I believe that the major monotheist religions are quite similar and that therefor I would believe and stick to the (in my opinion) main teachings of Islam – also most of those that are different than in Christian or Jewish religion.
    Bottom line: Is it necessary to believe in/stick to Islam a 100% to be able to convert???

    Btw… I am really happy that you and your husband found each other 🙂
    Did your family fully accept him although he’s not a “born” muslim?


  42. Asalaamo alaikum HM,
    For a muslim one ayah of the Quran suffices as a commandment.

    Muslim Men are also not allowed to marry non-believers, with few exceptions of circumstances (discussed in the above article).

    Believers are defined as those who submit to one God with no other deity in the picture (Tawheed) and accept Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings upon him as His last Prophet.

    If you believe this then you are a muslim and all you have to do is to make a declaration (take Shahada: “Ashadu anna la illaha illalah, wa ashadu anna Mohammadar Rasool Allah.” in front of two witnesses, (the more the better:)

    In being a muslim you lose nothing, but you gain a lot………. the reverence of Jesus (AS) Moses (AS), Noah (AS) and all the past Prophets and benefit from the teachings of the Quran and its practice by the most revered man Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings upon him, who was not sent only to the Arabs, but as “A mercy to Mankind”

    At our marraige thirty three years ago many people said that my husband was becoming a muslim to marry me, but God has His plans of Rahma. He (Subhanawataala) invites people to His Mercy through many different ways. I am grateful that he used me:)

    Nothing happens randomly… have arrived at a point in your life where you are in search of Allah Subhanawataala.

    I do not hold the power to “convert” you:) only He (Subhanawataala) does.

    Your prayer to God to guide you will let you fall softly in the place that is best for you.


    PS A quote from my husband on my daughter getting engaged to a lovely young man who reverted to Islam from Catholicism:
    “If God sends beautiful girls to attract young men to Islam, then so be it!”:)

    Please do keep us updated on what happens.

    My prayers are that what is the very best for you and this young lady may happen, bringing both of you happiness in this world and the Hereafter. Ameen.


  43. Dear asqfish,

    thank you very much for your helpful and fast response.
    I understand that it is easier and recommended for muslim women to marry muslim men, I do not even want to doubt or question that in general.
    My main concern is if it is really completely forbidden or not – because within the boundaries given it is to the individual person to make choices anyway (and most will marry within the religion).
    As I am really interested in that topic I already read a couple of comments or statements on different websites, and 2:221 is the most cited verse when it comes to marriage in Islam (with non-muslims). Yet, it is used to justify marriage of non-muslim women and muslim men, so I do not understand why it does not allow it the other way round? As far as I understood, “believers” refers to people who believe in the one god, so it also includes jewish and christian people (“people of the book”, otherwise, muslim men could not marry them). The same thing of course would apply then also on 60:010!?
    What am I getting wrong here? Or are there any additional verses that forbid women to marry non-muslim men?

    Thank you also very much for recommending me literatur. I assume that you own that book, may I ask you to quote me some of those specific references your husband mentioned?

    I am really thankful for your precious time and hope I’m not bothering you too much again, I truly appreciate your help.
    Best regards to you!

    @lalyuf: your comment has already been answered in an appropriate way, I see no reason to further comment on it.


  44. Dear HM
    These ayahs have extensive research done on them keeping in view the time, circumstances and the wisdom of their revelation as pertaining to society and family.
    This is for women who have become muslims but their husbands have not:

    YUSUFALI: O ye who believe! When there come to you believing women refugees, examine (and test) them: Allah knows best as to their Faith: if ye ascertain that they are Believers, then send them not back to the Unbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the Unbelievers, nor are the (Unbelievers) lawful (husbands) for them. But pay the Unbelievers what they have spent (on their dower), and there will be no blame on you if ye marry them on payment of their dower to them. But hold not to the guardianship of unbelieving women: ask for what ye have spent on their dowers, and let the (Unbelievers) ask for what they have spent (on the dowers of women who come over to you). Such is the command of Allah: He judges (with justice) between you. And Allah is Full of Knowledge and Wisdom.

    and this is the most clear command:
    YUSUFALI: Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise.

    The best book on this: The family structure in islam:

    A note from my husband of 33years inshallah this december (a revert):
    “In general muslim women are taught that they should marry muslim men, the specific Quranic references are in the above book, along with many other helpful things for someone who truly loves a muslim woman”

    Inshallah, I hope this helps.


  45. Dear asqfish,
    it seems you have a very good knowledge about Islam and also a strong believe – I truly respect you for that.

    I am a non-muslim man in love with a muslim women (I know that this is actually not the topic here, still I hope you can help me out…)
    Anyway, I do believe in one god and respect Islam as well as other religions and have informed myself about it in order to understand it. (I am aware that my knowledge is still very limited, still I will not convert, guess the reason is not relevant here…)

    My question is the following: Obviously (almost) everybody who is a muslim agrees that muslim women are not allowed to marry non-muslim man and often refer to the Quran and some specific chapters like 2:221. Although I was looking for evidence and understanding, I was not able to find any clear statement which denies that kind of marriage. As far as I understood your religion, the Quran represents the word of god and all other source may/may not be adopted by mankind to fit their needs and are therefore not “equal” to Quran, especially as evidence and ruling.
    As I already mentioned, I could not find any clear evidence in Quran. All I found were parts (like 2:221) which are interpreted by most muslims in a way that they do not allow such marriage. I’m not even claiming that it is good for muslim women or should be done, because of course I agree that there COULD be problems because of different faiths and so on, so in general I guess it is smart and right to stick to your own religion when it comes to choosing your partner. On the other hand, I guess that we cannot really choose who we love, that just being said… I try to respect everybody’s opinion and of course most muslims will have a much better knowledge of Islam and Quran than me and their interpretations will therefore be more acurate than mine. Still, I think that it lies in our nature as mankind to do mistakes and misunderstand things, so to me it seems strange that some people claim their interpretations as right and ask others to follow them.
    Additionally, I guess that god, who created us and knows us perfectly, is well aware that there will be misunderstanding if there is room for interpretation, so to me it’s somehow weird that he obviously left rulings and guidelines that are not clear.
    Is there any clear ruling (in Quran) that WITHOUT INTERPRETATIONS BEING NECESSARY says that muslim women cannot marry non-muslim man??? (I understand several doubts about this situation like children might not grow up as true muslims and so on, still I guess it is clear that those are just human fears/arguments and not the word of god as long as it’s not written somewhere…

    Btw… some people here seem to be quite fast when it comes to judgind others (…they don’t even know). I am not here to raise doubts about anythings, nor to spread my opinion or influence others…
    I am just asking for help, which in that case will be an answer that is as clear as possible, please refrain from trying to convert me or using your own arguments why that kind of marriage is not good (or also good, it doesn’t matter to me.)

    Hope that someone will be able to help me out and also hope that I did not offend anyone here. Peace and thanks!


  46. As far as I know, the best repentance for past sins is a promise not to repeat them and do Istighfaar many times a day, and erase the bad acts with a good act!
    Allah knows best!


  47. walaikum Asalaam Brother KK,
    Married life has to be in harmony otherwise it can be hell on earth.
    Marrying a woman who loves, respects and believes in one God and abides by the laws of virtue because He commands them, is more likely to be a good candidate for a long term marraige and children.


  48. Asalam,to all.
    I am much more deeply confused,after reading all the comments!
    Muslim man marrying a non muslim woman was the question.
    seems its not FORBIDDEN,but NOT RECOmmended rite?
    I hv another question…
    if she is willing to leave all her believes,of other gods.will say ONESS OF ALLAH N PROPHET(SAW),as the messenger of god..
    Then what to do,where to take her to?
    what will happen next?whom to look for?
    how n wt to do,to be FORGIVEN of the sins done…..of both man n womam.
    The comments of pple,will deff differ,,where to get the precise n authentic a situation like this?



  49. Asalaamoalaikum masha,
    Allah Subhanawataala has promised us in the Quran that He will only forbid us those things that are detrimental to us.
    If we have a harmonious married life, it brings peace and love to our hearts. He just guides us in how to attain this peace and happiness by giving us some guidelines.
    Of course He loves us, He loves all of mankind but is displeased with those who are disobedient to his commandments.
    Step one I guess is to study the Quran with understanding and reflection and see where it applies to our own life and leave esoterics to the experts.
    As for caring for each other irrespective of faith, creed or color: that is the defination of a Momin.
    Allah knows best!
    Jazaaik Allah Khair!


  50. dont we all worship one god? dont we all believe in one god? how we many get to him is diffrent but we all belive and worship him

    question… does he choose who to help he doesnt his there for all even for the disbelivers we should all love and care for eachother no matter what isnt that what is said in the quran and bible


  51. when the human being who is unfaithful to his creator by doing idol worship-how can he or she be rightly guided and when they are not rightly guided -how can they be capable of doing faithful role to the family-what is not for the creator -not for the world.Once the heart is direct with the creator and holds the rope of allah. then it is trust worthy.


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  53. Assalam alaikum Br./Sis.

    Sis. Maryam without going round and round let me clear your doubt as per my point of view. I dono how many of you wil agree and how many dis-agree.

    When you attend a class and your teacher ask’s you a question from the previous class he/she conducted. Now what happenes here is you answer the question if your aware of the answer if not you dont. Similar is with the men and women who are married to non-muslim. If they are aware of the answer they reply else they let it go.

    But i suggest you not to give up and try to find and clear your doubt by reading the Al-Quraan and Hadith’s. Inshallah you will find all the answers for yourself. Once you find it try to spread it among other believers who lack knowledge.

    May ALLAH guide us and protect us from evil. Ameen..


  54. as salam alykum br.sis. i have 1 question, why do you think a muslim bro. will not teach islam to a non muslim wife? i know about alot of marriages like that. 90% of the time the wife has lots of questions about islam . they all say the same thing ” my husband tells me not to worry about it and will not tell me about the quran or the religion”


  55. Assalam alaikum rehmatullahi wa’barakatahu.

    Brothers and Sister read and think.

    Al Mumtahanah(60)001: O you who believe! Choose not my enemy and your enemy for allies. Do you give them friendship when they disbelieve in that truth which has come onto you, driving out the messenger and you because you believe in ALLAH. You lord! If you come forth to strive in my way and seeking my good pleasure,(show them not friendship). Do you show friendship onto them in secret, when I am the best aware of what you hide and what you proclaim? And whosoever does it among you, he verily has strayed from the right way.

    In the above verses which are taken from the AL-KURAAN where ALLAH JAL SHANAHU tell us not to be friend with disbelivers(non-muslims), you are planning to marry.

    May ALLAH guide us and protect us from evil. Ameen..


  56. To whenever a Muslim female is in “Love” with a non- Muslim male, that is “Sexual Gratification” but when it is 2 muslims then it is the real love..the Love that your parents have for their children?


  57. Aslam O Alaikum Brothers and Sisters

    According to Islam, “marriage is half the religion”. Yes, there are other rules and regulations…but that’s what they are. Rules and regulations! They are always there to be broken; no doubt about that!

    Having said that, it is not my intention to tell someone to wander away from their religion. I believe that when two people really love each other, and it’s genuine love, there are no boundaries. Cast, religion, color, social status, etc. are all ignored. Isn’t the common goal of us human beings in life to be happy and to achieve goals and be remembered? To have good morals? Not to steal? Commit adultery? Cheat? Rob? Kill? We come to this world not knowing what our purpose in life is (and believe you me if we knew our purpose in life, this world would be completely different).

    Referring to People of the Book, all those religions teach same morals. There are specific details which contradict each other when compared to other religions, but bottom line is the same. Live a good life! So…go marry whoever it is that you love. Keep God in mind, for he’s the Creator. Us humans can build, and engineer, and discover, but we cannot create! Give him credit. Live your life piously and zealously. Stand up for what you believe in.

    I personally think that the main reason why most of the people on this blog are asking these questions is that they are being questioned by their families, their cultures, friends, etc. Perhaps they are from a culture that primarily relies on arranged marriages. Maybe these Bros. and Sisters are having trouble standing up to question their cultures. I say do it! Question it! Make them (whoever the enforcer is) prove to you why THEY should decide your future and your love life. I’m against these arranged marriages. I think that you should get to know your partner, even if of other religion. Stay within your boundaries, and respect theirs. Know them, figure out if you are compatible, and go from there. Even Quran says that about two people of opposite sex, to keep their distance, and for women to lower their gaze, etc. etc. All it’s trying to say is be MODEST.

    This (My blog entry)is not in any way meant to divert you brothers and sisters away from your religions. Here, I quote the above post “Love and mercy does not last between wedded people if they are not answering to One God and have no fear of Him and are not aware of the Day of Judgement which is where the divide comes in”. I disagree if the above post means be “One God” that they be of same religion. I know people who are VERY simple. They don’t lie or cheat. They help others in ANY way they can. They believe in GOD, that he exists, and created all these creatures and things around us, for HE IS THE CREATOR. They are of different cultures, color, sects, geographical locations, religions (they may be called almost atheists because the only NON atheistic belief they have is that they believe there is a Supreme Being). I have, however, noticed their love and as God is my witness, I say it’ll put Romeo and Juliet, and Heer and Ranjha, Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal (the guy who built Taj Mahal in love of his beloved wife Mumtaz) to SHAME! Now…answer me all of you. God, the ever merciful and honest, the Supreme Judge, will he ever deny them Heaven? HOW COULD HE?????!? If he does he will not be the God he claims to be in his books of Turait, Zaboor, Injeel, and Quran. They follow the same morals Quran teaches yet they are not Muslims or Christians or Jews or…


  58. Asalaamoalaikum Br Rehmatullah,
    Isnt it “Love and mercy” that Allah has placed between a husband and wife? (surah Rum).

    However Love outside of wedlock is obviously not something that promotes a harmonious society, and Allah SWT does not want a non harmonious society for us.

    Love and mercy does not last between wedded people if they are not answering to the One God and have no fear of Him and are not aware of the Day of Judgment which is where the divide come in.

    I think that what you meant by “sexual gratification” meant gratification of the “Nafs” that when it takes over us, our Nafs then dictates to us to fulfill our base desires “no matter what”.

    May Allah SWT continue to guide us and keep us in his protection.

    Jazaaik Allah hu khairan for giving your valuable input.


  59. asqfish!! After reading this blog I don’t know what to say!! You have replied to every comment very nicely and in a calm manner. Mashallah.

    I would like to add something here… I saw a comment on a Muslim female … in “Love” with a non- Muslim male… What I see here is people justifying “Sexual Gratification” as so called “LOVE”.. Love is what your parents have for their children.. It’s not some feeling you feel inside of you for other male or female… That’s called “sexual Gratification”


    • I am sorry but after reading your blog i find myself very annoyed! i am a non muslim woman and in love with a muslim man and vise versa, and obviously i dont see how that can be sexual gratification, obviously the islam rule is no sex before marraige which we obide by 100% so how can you say thats sexual gratification?!


      • Dear Angela,
        Please state why are you annoyed with the blog or with this particular article?

        Islam is a way of life that propagates harmony, love, respect and family life and care of others as well as a stewardship of those creatures who are dependant on us.

        As for the rules of maraige they are based entirely to protect the harmony and sanctity of the family and decrease the chances of family breakups and children lost in the tussle, and becoming emotional misfits and outcasts in society.

        Each person has rights and obligations in every relationship, i.e. husband, wife, mother, father, children, brother sister, cousin, aunts, uncles, neighbors , colleagues etc.

        When a woman who does not believe, respect or obey the commandments of Allah as outlined in the Quran regarding these relationships……………then will she not become the source of disharmony and conflict in the family?

        Best Regards!


    • are u saying it’s only love if it’s between 2 muslims? but if one partner is a non-Muslim, then it’s not love but sexual gratification instead? how insulting and narrow-minded can u be?


  60. Asalaam o alikum Sister Nadia,
    If your friend truly respects you and is truly God fearing and believes in one God then he will accept one God and that is taking shahada.
    If he truly does not believe in Tawheed and you do, the friction will begin shortly after marraige and reach a crescendo when you have children.
    Allah SWT says in the Quran and I paraphrase ” I have forbidden you from only those things that are harmful for you”. He alone knows the heartache that awaits a muslim woman married to a non muslim man even if she overtly seems happy.
    Although at this time in the inoxication of Amour you may not be aware of the harm that will come later on and will effect you and your children and your family.

    This is a good opportunity to gently share your belief of the Oneness of God (tawheed) with your friend and lots and lots of prayer for Allah SWT to show him the light and you may be surprised that he will be ready to join you not only in marraige but in taking shahada and walking on the path to ALlah hand in hand with you.
    If you disobey ALlah and go the route of intellectualizing the circumstances : Does not love, God conscientiousness, honesty and respect count for something in a marriage apart from religion? then Allah SWT will turn away from you and yes you may have a materially good life in this dunya but what awaits you for the rest of your life after Akhirah……….?
    May Allah SWT guide you and this young man to his path!


    • salam asqfish.
      ur comments are really good. I have the same problem as sister nadia. I really don’t know how to convince my friend to become a bleiver or a Muslim. He knows that we cannot marry untill he convertes to Islam, but he also knows that he should convert with all his heart not just becuase of me. If u can give me some advice to convince him, I would be thankful…


      • Walaikum asalaam wa rahmatullahi was barakatahu,

        The best advice is: 1) “Be the muslim you want him to become” 2) Do Istikhrah and ask for Allah’s help.3) Leave the rest to Allah and He will show you what is good for you.
        Allah Knows best!


      • Thank you so much. I have done istighfara before but i do not get the answer. I mean I cannot feel if the thing that I have done the Istighfara for is good to do or not. Can you please tell me how do I get the answer and how to do it corredctly.
        sorry for bothering and thank you for your help……


      • Asalaamoalaikum BMS, Istikhara has some pre requisites that need to be met. The best chapter on it is in “The three abandoned prayers” Please review and follow.
        May Allah reward you with an answer:) After cleansing your heart and body and making istikhara, in my case the favorable answer opened the door towards what Allah Subhanawataala wanted me to go through and things became easy with that choice and difficult with the other. Allah knows best.


  61. I am a Muslim female and like many of my Muslim sisters I find that I am in love with a non-Muslim male. In this situation I find my self torn as I have been told that Islam forbids me to marry a non-Muslim male.
    My non-Muslim friend is very tolerant and supportive and respectfully of my religion and totally accepts me and my religion. He may not be a Muslim but he has the belief of God in his heart and is a great person. Must we as Muslim’s deny the respect from such God fearing men just because they aren’t Muslim’s? Does not love, God conscientiousness, honesty and respect count for something in a marriage apart from religion?


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  63. Asalaamoalaikum Sister J,
    Allah SWT has made you true to your ‘fitra’ which is the innate sense of purity and belief in our Creator that Allah SWT puts in our hearts.

    It seems that even though you were ready to embrace Islam, your in- laws (to be) objected on a weak account. As far as I can remember Allah SWT says that ‘we have made links in marraiges’ (across clans and tribes) (please check the post of the ideal marraige part I or II for the accurate reference).

    I think in your circumstances, this was more a matter of cultural bias, or a desire to control ones offspring.

    Prophet Muhammad PBUH’s parents were not muslims, and can anyone doubt his faith or his (PBUH) being a messenger sent as a mercy to mankind?

    Belief in the unseen is essential for emaan, because Allah SWT tells us the concept of accountability in Akirah and yet it is an Unseen concept.

    Inshallah, you will find yourself closer to Allah SWT if you go to your local mosque and take Shahadah and ask Allah SWT to find you a suitable and loving mate in whose heart Allah SWT has put love, respect and mercy for you.

    Perhaps you will find someone who will be better for you in the long run, Allah knows what is best for you and sometimes He (SWT) witholds from you what you like, because it may be harmful for you in the long run and because you cannot look into the future.

    So hasten to take Shahadah and Allah’s mercy and Rahmah will shower upon you, Inshallah!
    ps Do keep us updated of the good new:)


  64. am sorry if i am wrong or hurting someone….but i wanted to share that i am a non muslim….yet i believe in the unseen.i never read Quran yet i loved a muslim guy and so did he…together we tried a lot to fix the match…for him i could go the long way to become a muslim….nothing was wrong anywhere except that his family raised a question as my family are not muslim born….
    i dont know how all you people all over the world discuss about Allah and perform your prayers daily 5 times….not even once coming in your mind that who created you has also created LOVE….You follow everything that the Quran says:how many of you have never lied, never hurt someone, never did mistakes while praying, never ever got distracted while praying???this discussion will keep going as long as people are seen through their religions and castes….but what i lost in this is my LOVE and i pray for him….Allah please keep him safe and in peace….I believe in the UNSEEN power.


    • ur messege realy struk a nerve i have to admit, and i can only imagine the heart break u must feel, i do believe that out of ignorance ur ex’s family cast u off. and i would also like to add that ur aderstanding of islam the way i see it transcends the bounderies of religion. religion may be part of most peoples lives but it is very rarely found that spirituality is part of their make up. may Allah grant us all a better understanding inshallah, with alot of love i wish u all the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i know that the Almighty through ur sacrifice will provide u with future happiness and contentment. 🙂


    • your message makes me cry. i’m sorry you lost your love. I’m a Muslim girl in love with an atheist. I understand your pain.


    • salam,i am english lady i am also non muslim i am reading and learning very much about islam and allah.Iam very much so in love with a muslim man who i have known for 4 and half years, and he is so in love with me.We so much want to be together marry and have children but like i say i am non muslim but want to know more about islam before i become muslim.I love this man so much and also his mum want him to marry arabic muslim lady because she thinks i may not be good for him , can any one please advise me on what to do or anything.The rest of his family all accept me its just his mum.any advise any body can offer me will be so much appreciated. many thanks salam.


      • Dear Alison,
        You sound a very genuine, sweet and loving person. The muslim man is very fortunate to have you as a possible wife.
        Islam is a very family oriented religion. We usually have to sacrifice our personal desires to keep the family intact and happy.
        In four and half years, do you know enough about Islam to allow for a decision on your part as to whether you would be happy as a muslim or not?
        If you get married without converting in the long run, sometimes many years down the road you may part ways because you cannot stand the religion, and the people who practice it.
        My suggestion is make up your mind one way or another now. If you find Islam is you way, take the shahada and keep studying it after marraige.
        I have a feeling once you are a muslim “MUM” might see you in a different light even if she may be culturally old fashioned.
        Allah knows best.
        Do make a prayer to God Almighty and ask Him to guide you.
        Inshallah , He will make it easy for you.
        Do keep us posted on what you decide and what happens.


  65. Asalaamoalikum Mary,
    You make a very valid observation that many muslims prefer to marry in the same culture and even the same town. You are also correct in saying that this does not have anything to do with Islam.
    When one accepts the supremacy of ONE God over all else (Tawheed) there is leveling of the playing field for everyone and it does not matter what you or I were before as long as we are now muslims.
    Having said that I know that it is difficult for people to marry cross culturally.
    As far as marrying only muslims…………If you truly loved someone, would you not want to share with that person the treasure that has been shown to you in Tawheed via Islam?
    Marrying a non muslim woman and expecting her to raise her children in a belief that she herself is not convinced about.
    what do you think of that?

    May Allah SWT give us spouses with whom we can dwell in mercy and kindness, and Love!


  66. So…from all different kinds of people around the world, if you are not Muslim, it means that particular person or group of people does not matter? Is that the teachings of God? I don’t think so…I think it’s the people/believers who make it hype to be so strict that one cannot marry outside the religion. So love does not exist on Islam, as plain as it is, it should be within faith and culture. Ahhh culture! Here comes the real deal. Muslims insist not only to marry from the same faith but from the same town even, because they’re afraid that they’re culture and tradition would be obsolete in the latter. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the religion or any religion for that matter, it’s just that the religion itself should not be exploit by any individual.


    • islam does not oppress in any way any human being, we accept everyone and in no way past judgement on any faith. especially not christianity and judaism. i would advise that u buy a copy of the translation of the quran and read the chapter (yes chapter) dedicated to mother mary, the mother of jesus christ, and by realising that islam shows so much respect to the mother of jesus u will realise that it in no way slams other faiths.


  67. Asalaamoalaikum Mafi,
    Human beings like to follow their Nafs (their own desires and inclinations) whether they are male or female.
    Supression and opression comes from ignorance of the Islamic creed and the word of Allah.
    The Quran is not a book, it is the word of God! It is the only scripture left so far that had not been changed by human hands to suit their desires.
    The message of all monotheistic religions: Christianity, and Judaism was brought by messengers who were warners, but over time, people still manipulated the meaning of the commands and their message to suit their desires.
    It is Shaitan’s promise that he will forever tempt the children of Adam to disobey God, and we have to read, reflect and incorporate in our daily life the mercy that comes from the word of God i.e The Quran to prevent ourselves from the disobedience of God.
    This holds true whether we are men, women or nations of men and women.
    May Allah SWT guide us in all that we do and say.


  68. The Muslim religion in everyway seems to fulfill the males needs and suppress women. You recite the Quran to make point of your behaviour but we forget that the
    Quran is written by men. It is not to be taken word for word same with the Bible. To all of you who are “reforming” and breaking the chains that a suppressive “religion” attempts to control you under – good for you! Be honest, be true, be virtuous, treat people well, pray and love. Let God be your judge not fanatics.



    • The Quraan in its entirety is the word of God, and it is the IMPOSSIBLE for man to change a single word of the text without changing the numerical setting, or the poetical language!!!!!!!!!! so please before making such an uninformed remark i suggest that you do your research!
      The Quran was REVEALED to Muhammad (pbuh), just as the Tawrah was to Moses (AS) and the Bible to Jesus (AS). yet Muhammads (pbuh) proof of the Quran being the word of God and NOT his own, lies in the fact that he was unlettered and thus could not possibly have been able to write any part of the text. The revelations of the Quraan in terms of the Science’s was also way ahead of time of Muhammad pbuh, some of which modern day scientist only discovered recently.

      Please understand that as a muslim I cannot allow any one to make such a scornfull remark, especially out of such clear ignorance.


      • …??..the Bible was not revealed to Jesus……it is a collection written after Jesus death by different authors over a couple hundred years…….get your facts straight…it you read it you would have realized this….but you are blindly believe what others have told you with out verifiying anything…..
        also the quran was written down by men….your prophets (pbuh) companions….during and after his death complied. and most of it was memorized and recited as your prophet revealed it….so if you have any mind at all you would know it would be impoosible for these men not to make one little mistake in the recitation or scripting because they are human…have you ever been able to recite anything perfectly everytime….? even if it is the word of God…humans are not perfect…. my remarks are not scornful..but honest….if you are so brainwashed…you will have to wait to you die to find out the truth……also what do you mean…you “cannot allow”…anyone to make scornful remarks… are not god…we can say what we want and take our chances…and you can believe in what you want and take yours………..but you have no rights over the other people………..”to allow or not allow”


    • the Quran was not written by men. please, please, please, do your research before saying something as blasphemous as that. Thank you.


  69. Asalaamoalaikum Sister Maria,

    Thank you for your thoughtful comment.

    God Almighty is the the Creator of everyone and everything, you have made an excellent observation.

    He (God) cannot be confined to the human intellect, you are right and He (God) says so in the Quran in His own words:

    However since He (God Almighty) loves us, he has given us sociological ,medical and spiritual guidelines to follow so that we don’t hurt ourselves and dont get hurt.

    Some of these guidelines go against the Nafs (lower base ego) which if inflated in a human being becomes flagrantly disobedient to his Creator.

    Therefore God Almighty sent down human messengers for humans for guidance, and sent his word through all the scriptures, some of which have been lost and some corrupted by the desires of the Nafs overcoming the humans.

    Thus the Quran, which is so far the unblemished word of God supercedes all previous scriptures in whom, the hand of man may have intervened to tweak a meaning here and there.

    There are several posts on the Nafs and Tazkiyah Nafs that you may enjoy reading and commenting on as you seem to have a larger view of life than just living for the moment.

    May Allah reward you and keep you guided towards Him and please keep me in your prayers.


  70. who are we to put God Almighty, creator of all things, he who created us, the God Abraham believed in before there was A bible or a qu’ran, inside a box or paradigm called religion? God is much too great to be placed inside man’s mind. We cannon even begin to understand his greatness, God is bigger than just guidelines and rules. Think outside the box, My God will not be contained in such a small mind that we Humans have.


  71. Walaikum Asalaam!
    Brother can you see a non muslim mother raising a child as a muslim? or a muslim raising a child and teaching them Christianity or Buddhism?
    When a woman has no knowledge and practice of the faith, how can she learn it to transmit it to her children even if she wanted to. If she truly wanted to bring up muslim children would she not learn about islam and revert?
    The permission was given because there were large number of non muslim women conquered in war and it was better for muslim men to marry them and give them the rights of a wife rather than take advantage of them without.
    “In a fully developed Islamic state, where Islam is dominant, Muslim men are sometimes allowed to marry non-Muslim women who are chaste and follow the original teachings of Moses and Jesus, pbuh.”
    How aften are the non muslim women of the book that our brothers are marrying fulfill the above criteria?
    In this day and age, it is only the dictates of lust and Nafs that compel a muslim man to leave the available righteous muslim women for the non muslim women who are not willing to revert.
    Allah knows best.


  72. Salamualakum brothers and sisters.

    In my perspective and judging by what i have been told before numerous times, it is perfectly halal for a muslim male to marry a non-muslim female as long as she is part of the people of the book (christian or jewish). However, the condition here is solely that the children must be raised and taught to believe that they are muslims as in most cultures and traditions, the children follow the fathers way which is primarily why muslim woman arent allowed to marry non-muslim men.

    Salam alakum and god bless.

    Ali Zain Al Abdin


  73. Br Zaky, Asalaamoalaikum,
    For not being an Imam, Mufti or scientist you wield a pretty good common sense reasoning:)
    jazaaik Allah hu Khairan.
    One of the most powerful beast to rein in is our Nafs gone unchecked. It runs amok like a spoilt brat and wants to change the rules with every wim of the moment.
    I am working on mine.
    Please keep me in your prayers.


  74. Salaams everyone!

    I hope you all doing well inshallah 🙂

    I am not a mufti or an imam or a scientist or anyone. But I would like to mention one thing here (especially to Sr Yasmina).

    Assume you are a medical doctor. If someone comes to you and say(take it as he/she doesnt know who you are) ‘ Listen mate, I have got this particular disease and doctors say it can only be cured by doing a major operation. But i reckon its an utter nonsense. We can just take some pills and cure it!’. Would you agree with that person??? Definitely NOT. Because you have studied medicine in the uni and also did practice in a hospital. So you know what to do and what not to be done, yeah?!

    So same here sister! Muftis dont make their own decisions. They have studied Quran and Sunnah and their decisions were made according to that. We cant take the religion in to our hand and say this is correct and this is wrong.


    No hard feeling please 🙂 Wassalaam


  75. I don’t see how someone can claim to be a “reform” anything. Islam came as guidelines for not only the time of the prophet (pbuh) but everyone after him. There was no reference of reforming the religion when mankind saw fit. I’m sure we are not the first society to struggle with aligning Islam with the culture we currently live in. The fact is, Islam has guidelines that as Muslims, we can chose to obey, or disobey. However, we cannot “reform” the religion and claim that we are still under the banner of Islam when Islam clearly states what we can and cannot do.

    I agree with the idea that a Muslim male should marry a Muslim female because, simply looking at it from a demography perspective, for every 100 males there are 106 females. By this measure alone, we would exclude six females for every one hundred. We gotta help out our sisters.


  76. Asalaamoalaikum
    Allah has promised that He (SWT) has only asked us to do those things that are good for us, and abstain from things that are harmful to us.
    When a child wants to touch a flame because it is bright and attractive, his mother stops him aggressively because she knows that the fire will hurt him for a long time to come.
    Can’t we trust Allah to have given the right advice about how to choose a spouse for the long run?
    Br Waseem, I agree with you “let God be the judge” however he is merciful and before He (SWT) judges He was kind enough to give us the rules and guidelines in the Quran. We just have to read them, and understand them in order to practice them.

    Sr. Yasmina, if you consider yourself a reformed muslim, who reformed your religion?
    Usually it is our ego that reforms our religion to fit the desire of the moment. Allah SWT has in His mercy given us the guidelines for everything and Prophet Muhammad )PBUH) has shown us how to live them.
    In 1400 years one thing has not changed and that is the basic human nature: we still ,eat, sleep, marry, have children and interact with other human beings those are the guidelines given in the Quran to make our life easy.
    May Allah guide you and your husband to study the Quran and Sunnah and abide by it and thus find peace and happiness within your marraige. It will be difficult to raise children in a faith singlehandedly.
    A young couple like you wanted to decide if they both wanted to be muslim in their marraige, the girl was what I call “laid back” muslim and the man a non muslim but with a genuine pure fitrah who had never been introduced to Islam.
    They asked Shaikh Hamza Yusuf at the Zaytuna Institute to give premarital classes to see if they could work together in one faith in marraige. You and your husband can find someone similar depending on where you live and then decide if you want to follow Islam and how to do that in your marraige thus having a joint approach towards your children. Raising your children alone in your faith while your husband is a disinterested bystander can be painful & hectic for you and confusing for the children.
    May Allah guide you as you make your first step towards Him(SWT)


  77. When will Islam enter the modern world? I was born and raised Bosnian-Muslim woman in the U.S., and have grown up largely with BOTH cultures. I am at heart, a humanist and a secularist, and a liberal…..and am proud of it. Certain Muslims may say I’m not a “true” Muslim, but I say I am…..I’m just of a more reformed type of Muslim. This is similar to my Jewish friends who consider themselves as “reform Jews”. By the way, I’m getting married to a non-Muslim and totally non-religious American man who has no problem with me raising our children Muslim. With this said, why in the world would Islam frown down upon this? And if people do frown down upon it, I really don’t care that much anyway. Just curious about the rationale.


    • assalaamu’alaykum, i understand ur sentiments, and of cause u had emotions involved, but always remember that the quranic teachings are for all era’s, and that there is infinite wisdom in every ayaat of the quran, since it is sent down from the divine. so by adhering to its regulations we are infact protecting ourselves. maa salaam. thakira from south africa.
      please reply


    • Please dont take this the wrong way but it does say in the Muslim rel, that non Muslim men can not marry Muslim women, therefor it would be kinda pointless to raise your children Muslim what would the point of that be, it will only confuse your children, and really in your case i would just let your child decide what they want to do, i mean im not telling you what to do, but really think about it, i mean whats the point, will your children be accepted as muslims if you would not be accepted anymore…


    • Thats cuz you dont know American men lol!! baby you got duuuppped! lets see what happens when the time comes lol! Im currently dating a moslem girl too for the past 5 years, planning on marrying her, she has also been asking all these religious questions lately, I myself am not religious at all. Anyhow, just to keep her happy, i was like ya sure, do what you want with the kids blah blah blah. But i dont know, she’ve very liberal and secular as well, we like to socialize and with my social circle she wont have time for this nonsense.


  78. I can see the women enjoy the feeling of ” Gotcha you men”. No more free ride. If you say women cant marry a nonmuslim, here is one of ours trying to prove that you cant either.
    I cant say who is right and who is wrong, nor I should give my opinion on these complex issues. I would say this though from a lymen prospective.
    ‘Ishq nah puchay zaat”.
    Does it really matter if two people are in love that they worry about what other person’s caste, sect, religion, skin color or nationality is?Love is color, race, sect and religion blind.
    The movie “Khuda kay liye” was the way I would like to think about this issue.
    We should not judge people about being right or wrong, let God be the judge of that.


    • I agree, my husband is Muslim, I am NON-Muslim, we love eachother and no one will ever take that from us, There is only one person who can judge that is God..Love has no race, it has no color and love has no religion…love is a feeling that two people feel for eachother….


      • hey i hope you will answer me,
        I been with my partner for 6 years and now we decidet to get marry and everything was fine until he told me we have to take Nikha the asian wedding i dont know what to do becaus english wedding is book i just find out that i preagnance for 3weed and he change i christian but he want me to be Muslim and before he never make me chose he was going to my church with me and now he want me to live everything i dont know what to do .we love eachother so much but now he and hes family want me to be muslim.please hellp


      • Sister J,
        I am sorry that you were duped by a young man who lived with you without marriage and now demands that you become a muslim.
        Please do become a muslim after studying and accepting that there is only one God and He is Supreme, and that Prophet Muhammad pbuh is His messenger and promise to yourself and to Allah that you will obey Him.
        Any thing else is inadequate.
        People are shown the path of Islam through many avenues maybe this is yours, even though it was the not the ideal way. Nevertheless study Islam and if your heart is in it take Shahada and become a muslim.
        May Allah guide the young man and you and forgive all of us our sins and mistakes.


      • dear Lisa, I am happy for this comment!! I am myself non-Muslim and at the moment I am in realitionship with Muslim men and we love each other very much. I am scared that we can’t be really together because of his religion and his parents. He doesn’t push me in converting to his religion or he doesn’t try to change me. We don’t really talk about his religion. We enjoy our love we have together. I love this men and wish to be with him for ever, but in the same time I wish religion wouldnt come between us, ever! I accept and respect his religion as this how he was brough up .
        Religion is every man personal thing, but should not breaking any realitionships apart.

        thank you


      • Dear Di, I am sorry to disillusion you, but what you like in this muslim man is what makes him muslim, it is impossible to separate the muslim from the man:) Hope you will consider studying Islam and find out why he is the way he is.


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