I was asked these questions by a bereaved father. I felt I did not have enough islamic education to rightfully answer these. I asked Sister H (an islamic scholar with much more knowledge than me) to answer these questions, so here they are:
1. What is the best way to visit one’s son’s grave. I mean what are the duas?
When visiting any grave, whether it is family, friends, or Muslims in general, the focus is to remember the reason where we are, and where we will end.
As for the duas for the deceased himself, the Duaa’ of the Mayaat can be made. It is best to ask for forgiveness for him. In The Muslim Fortress (Hisnul Mubarak) book there are three Duaas for the dead you can choose anyone of them.
2. Does a dead son know that his parents are praying for him?
In general yes, the dead person does hear when someone is visiting them and will be very happy with that as long as the visit doesn’t have any act of Disobedience to Allah.
3. In the family life who is more important, parents or children. I mean who gets the preference?
This question Allah answered in the Qur”an, in Suraat Al-Nisaa’ “your parents and children, you don’t know who will be more beneficial to you “
In respect who has more rights on us, parents come first and of course mothers are before Fathers.
A condolence for the bereaved parents: (Hisnul Mubarak)
(i)‘Verily to Allaah, belongs what He took and to Him belongs what He gave, and everything with Him has an appointed time..and then he ordered for her to be patient and hope for Allaah’s reward.’
(ii)‘May Allaah magnify your reward, make better your solace and forgive your deceased.’