This was the annoucement by the mosque of the funeral of my son and his two friends.
Allah (S.W.T) says in the Quran:
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
La ilaha illa Allah,
Inna Lillah wa Inna ‘Ilayhi Rajioon
Who say, when afflicted with calamity:
“To Allah we belong, and to Him is our return”
News has reached us that Three brothers of our comunity
have passed away yesterday in a car accident.
The funeral of the three brothers from our comunity will be at
5:30 PM Thursday July 14th 2005.
Over a thousand young and old from all walks of life and religion attended the funeral. Yet to this day when I read this, I find it unbelievable and unreal and yet I have to continue to live with it.
My son lies buried at the feet of my mother, so when I go to the cemetery, I visit both of them.
When I visit my son, I talk and Allah Subhanawataala listens, and my heart as a mother tells me He (SWT) feels and accepts my love and my prayers for my son and my mother through the veil that separates me from them.
What do I do when I visit my mothers or my son’s grave?
Before leaving for the cemetery, I usually perform wudu and make a fard prayer or after asar or juma, I go the cemetery. There under a tree in the “Garden of the truthful “ is the last resting place for both my mother and my child. Sometimes I cry while going towards the cemetery. For some reason I almost never cry at the cemetery because I feel it would upset the inhabitants of the cemetery.
As I drive through the cemetery, I recite Surah Fatiha and the four Quls. When I reach their graves I remind myself that this will also be my final destination when my book of actions closes.
On getting out of the car the soft music of the chimes hanging from the branches above Tariq’s grave greet me. Tariq loved music and Paul had hung them there as a gift for him. When ever the breeze stirs them, they make music for him and the inhabitants of the cemetery.
Usually I will recite Surah Fatiha and the four Quls at the minimum and or Surah Yaseen or Manzil, if I feel like staying longer. It is a beautifully peaceful place with trees, and vines, laden with flowers in the spring, and every thing turns to the color of flame in the fall. In the winter It is quite desolate and the bare branches of the trees are the true reminder that each one of us will be questioned in the grave and that we must pull our selves away from dunya and start preparing for our Home in the Hereafter.
The etiquette of the Prophet
“Verily, I had restrained you from visiting the graves. Now, visit them. Certainly, it reminds one of the Hereafter.”
(Sunan Tirmidhi, Vol.3, Pg. 370)
When the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was asked what to say when visiting the graves, he said: Say:
“Assalaamu ‘alaykum ahl al-diyaar min al-mu’mineen wa’l-Muslimeen, in sha Allaah bikum laahiqoon, as’al Allaaha lana wa lakum al-‘aafiyah
(peace be upon you O people of the dwellings, believers and Muslims, InshaAllaah we will join you, I ask Allaah to keep us and you safe and sound).”
Prayers that the Prophet made:
Indeed, what Allah has taken belongs to Him, as does what He has given. And everything has a stated term with Him. Let the bereaved be patient and seek God’s reward .
Sahih Muslim, 2:635-36, #923
Usama ibn Zayed reported, “While we were with the Messenger of Allah one of his daughters sent for him when her child was facing death. ” The Prophet asked the messenger to relate to her the above statement.
When she urged him to come, he went to her along with three of his Companions; and they handed the boy to him at the moment of his death. The Prophet’s eyes filled with tears. Saad ibn Ubada then asked, “What is this, O Messenger of Allah! “ The Prophet said, “This is mercy which Allah puts in the hearts of His servants. And indeed, Allah has mercy upon the merciful among His servants.”
When grief is overwhelming I do three things:
1. I remind my self that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was the beloved of Allah and he (PBUH) buried five of his children in his lifetime, the youngest being Ibrahim at age two. I just think how he must feel and it connects me to him (PBUH) immeasurably.
2, I do Istighfaar, and ask Allah to forgive me of any shortcomings that I may have made in the upbringing of my son, and forgive him for any sins.
3. I pray that both my son and my mother be given a place in the best part of jannat-ul Firdous, and that I may be guided to such actions in my life that I may join them in Jannat ul Firdous,
On returning from the Cemetery, I recite the surah of solace repeatedly.
Have you lost a loved one? Please share what brings you solace.
I want to thank my friends and family who guided me to these prayers for grief and reminded me everyday, how to find solace in the Quran and the Sunnah. I am functioning Alhamdullillah, because Allah (SWT) sent them to me to help me.