FOR THE BEREAVED……..

This was the annoucement by the mosque of the funeral of my son and his two friends.

Assalamu Alaykum,

Allah (S.W.T) says in the Quran:
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
The image

La ilaha illa Allah,
Inna Lillah wa Inna ‘Ilayhi Rajioon
Who say, when afflicted with calamity:
“To Allah we belong, and to Him is our return”


News has reached us that Three brothers of our comunity
have passed away yesterday in a car accident.
Brother Tariq
Brother Imran
Brother Ibad

The funeral of the three brothers from our comunity will be at
5:30 PM Thursday July 14th 2005.

Over a thousand young and old from all walks of life and religion attended the funeral. Yet to this day when I read this, I find it unbelievable and unreal and yet I have to continue to live with it.

My son lies buried at the feet of my mother, so when I go to the cemetery, I visit both of them.
When I visit my son, I talk and Allah Subhanawataala listens, and my heart as a mother tells me He (SWT) feels and accepts my love and my prayers for my son and my mother through the veil that separates me from them.
What do I do when I visit my mothers or my son’s grave?
Before leaving for the cemetery, I usually perform wudu and make a fard prayer or after asar or juma, I go the cemetery. There under a tree in the “Garden of the truthful “ is the last resting place for both my mother and my child. Sometimes I cry while going towards the cemetery. For some reason I almost never cry at the cemetery because I feel it would upset the inhabitants of the cemetery.
As I drive through the cemetery, I recite Surah Fatiha and the four Quls. When I reach their graves I remind myself that this will also be my final destination when my book of actions closes.
On getting out of the car the soft music of the chimes hanging from the branches above Tariq’s grave greet me. Tariq loved music and Paul had hung them there as a gift for him. When ever the breeze stirs them, they make music for him and the inhabitants of the cemetery.

chimes for Tariq
Usually I will recite Surah Fatiha and the four Quls at the minimum and or Surah Yaseen or Manzil, if I feel like staying longer. It is a beautifully peaceful place with trees, and vines, laden with flowers in the spring, and every thing turns to the color of flame in the fall. In the winter It is quite desolate and the bare branches of the trees are the true reminder that each one of us will be questioned in the grave and that we must pull our selves away from dunya and start preparing for our Home in the Hereafter.
The etiquette of the Prophet
“Verily, I had restrained you from visiting the graves. Now, visit them. Certainly, it reminds one of the Hereafter.”

(Sunan Tirmidhi, Vol.3, Pg. 370)

When the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was asked what to say when visiting the graves, he said: Say:
“Assalaamu ‘alaykum ahl al-diyaar min al-mu’mineen wa’l-Muslimeen, in sha Allaah bikum laahiqoon, as’al Allaaha lana wa lakum al-‘aafiyah
(peace be upon you O people of the dwellings, believers and Muslims, InshaAllaah we will join you, I ask Allaah to keep us and you safe and sound).”

Prayers that the Prophet made:
Indeed, what Allah has taken belongs to Him, as does what He has given. And everything has a stated term with Him. Let the bereaved be patient and seek God’s reward .
Sahih Muslim, 2:635-36, #923
Usama ibn Zayed reported, “While we were with the Messenger of Allah one of his daughters sent for him when her child was facing death. ” The Prophet asked the messenger to relate to her the above statement.

When she urged him to come, he went to her along with three of his Companions; and they handed the boy to him at the moment of his death. The Prophet’s eyes filled with tears. Saad ibn Ubada then asked, “What is this, O Messenger of Allah! “ The Prophet said, “This is mercy which Allah puts in the hearts of His servants. And indeed, Allah has mercy upon the merciful among His servants.”

When grief is overwhelming I do three things:

1. I remind my self that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was the beloved of Allah and he (PBUH) buried five of his children in his lifetime, the youngest being Ibrahim at age two. I just think how he must feel and it connects me to him (PBUH) immeasurably.
2, I do Istighfaar, and ask Allah to forgive me of any shortcomings that I may have made in the upbringing of my son, and forgive him for any sins.
3. I pray that both my son and my mother be given a place in the best part of jannat-ul Firdous, and that I may be guided to such actions in my life that I may join them in Jannat ul Firdous,

On returning from the Cemetery, I recite the surah of solace repeatedly.

Have you lost a loved one? Please share what brings you solace.


I want to thank my friends and family who guided me to these prayers for grief and reminded me everyday, how to find solace in the Quran and the Sunnah. I am functioning Alhamdullillah, because Allah (SWT) sent them to me to help me.

7 thoughts on “FOR THE BEREAVED……..

  1. Pingback: HALF MILLION (500,000) READS BY THE GRACE OF ALLAH…………… « Siraat-e-Mustaqeem

  2. Good it is really make us a real person and we are going to our original life, this world is only our temporary life one of my friends gave a nice comment

    “We are searching Every Thing Permanent In A Temporary Life”

    So Just take a small rest in the journey our long life is after the judgment of Allah

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  3. Assalamoalaykum Brother,
    I live in a community that lost three (all at one time) young 19 and 20 year old children. I saw the parents of these three children and I did not know what to say then or now. However I pray for them and their families. I cannot forget that day how sad was our community. They were like our own children. The saddest day in the life of our community. Three janaza prayers, three caskets, three graves….It was a very very very sad time. Every one was shocked and crying. Then after the burial of the children our imam made many, many duas and then Allah just poured the rain all of a sudden, so much rain that we all were soaked. I felt that Allah (SWT) is telling us that they are in a good place and to not worry for them.

    The parents of these children were and are heart broken, but extremely strong in faith is what I see. Life has changed forever for all of us. May Allah give them and your son the best place in paradise. Ameen. May Allah (SWT) make it easy for you to bear this tremendous loss.

    One of the children’s mother (on THE day of the accident, that killed these three wonderful kids) said to me “Shahina I thank Allah that He gave me twenty years with my son. I could not believe how amazing is this woman. I am still amazed at those words.

    You see two of these children were my son’s best friends (like real brothers)

    Wassalam

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  4. I have visited my son’s grave everyday twice for last 66 days. I donot know how long I can do it. But as long as Allah keeps me healthy I intend to do it. I dont know whether he feels my presence but in my mind I can visualize him better close to the grave. The morning starts after Fazr with Sura Yasin, Darood Sharif, Darood Hazari, Istegfar, Sura Fatiha, Sura Kuraish, Sura Falaq, Sura Naas and Sura Ikhlas and some other dhikr that has been taught to me by a patient of mine who is half my age. Then on my way to the hospital I visit the graveyard. It is a place of peace and solace. There are so many trees and so many different types of birds. My son’s grave has a dozen or so flowering plants, all at itheir best at this time of the year. After salam, I repeat everything that I mentioned before except Sura Yasin and Darood Hazari. Then I go to the hospital. I am a general surgeon and I remain busy all day. On my way home I usually visit the graveyard after magrib. I repeat everything and then go back home. At home I usually find my wife praying. We then share tea along with my parents with whom we are living after my son’s death. After Isha it is TV time for Alzazira news. Then to bed looking at the ceiling talking about the past and having alternate crying and laughing bouts till sleep comes. I havenot dreamt my son a sngle time in lat 66 days.

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  5. Thank you sister. I may know what you may feel but this pain is never same in two different persons.
    Today is exactly 66 days since we lost our only son. There is no word for loosing a child, you are not an orphan, or a widow or a widower. As if society cannot put a name for this loss.
    You see now I know that I shall not be able to have a peaceful death. Even at my last breath I shall remember Nabeel and what could have been a happy life for all of us. Nabeel was so perfect in everything that I cannot find any situation where I do not think about him. I miss him calling me abbu. I miss him in so many small details. I miss his fuss about his hair, I miss his obsession with watches and cars, I miss his queries about cell phones. I miss his obsession with Shahrookh khan and Pepsi. I miss him beside me in the mosque. I miss his sloppiness in getting up in the morning. He was beginning to help me in life in small things, like getting a magazine for me when he went out for studies. I miss his anger with Mina when Mina supported Pakistan cricket team against his favorite India. I miss his smell, his good looks. I shall never know how Nabeel’s children would have looked like. I shall never see him getting married.
    Most of all I miss him when I am treating patients. He had such high hopes of becoming a good doctor. He used to think he is destined to become a great doctor. He used to watch all hospital soap operas all the time. He had all the DVDs of hospital related TV programmes. Now he is gone and I shall never know how good a doctor he could have been.
    I miss his goodness. The day he was going to the hospital, his uncle was going to the airport. Nabeel despite being in pain insisted in waiting before getting into the car so that he could meet his uncle. I shall never forget that moment when he waved at them from inside the car leaning on me!
    When I go the grave I can see that Nabeel is there only about 3 feet deep but a lifetime apart.. I put him in the grave, He always said abbu will never give me pain. So despite being torn apart I said that I would put him in the grave. I turned his face towards the Mecca and touched his cheek for the last time. It was so cold but so smooth.
    My day passes alternating between normalcy and tears coming from the depth of my heart. I cant believe it yet. He seems so real to me. I see him every where. I know there is nothing one can do. But I am so lonely. All my life I had been an introvert, keeping to myself, minding my own affairs. Now there is no one to share my pain. Mina is suffering in her own way. Being the mother her pain is much more.
    I wish Allah would show me the Path. I have been deprived of my son’s love and I have been doomed to a life of sorrow and pain. This is a no win situation. In order to get me out of this I have to rise above the aspirations of a normal human. I have to find the right path. Only time will say.

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  6. I’m not sure I know how to find solace. I’ve never fully been put to that test. I want to say that I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the grief.

    Margaret/The Voyage

    Like

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