I am listening tothe Angel of Hope. it has been a long time since I listened to music. I close my eyes. I am home, coming through the garage door setting my things down, I go to the computer room, Tariq is hunched over the computer, working and listening to something like the Angel of Hope and I wonder how someone so young could listen to such old music, and without further thought I go on to prepare dinner.
Music entering my soul and saying “open sesame” to the gates of my heart. The strains of the Angel of Hope begin again, I have forgotten to close this site on wordpress.An unknown blogger, who has unknowingly opened the floodgates of memory, the theme repeats like life and grief, there is no end to one without the other.
At the zenith of my pain I feel I am not alone…. because deep within my soul His (SWT) gentle hand rests on my shoulder reminding me of the bookmarked page of solace from His (SWT) word………….’Verily with every difficulty there is relief”, and it repeats itself like the theme of the Angel of Hope.
Is the music the difficulty opening the gates to my heart without any effort? or is grief the difficulty that stands at the door and beckons it in to refresh those moments in the computer room that I took for granted, never thinking for a moment that they will end so abruptly and so finally.
My son’s music is forever locked in his computer and in a CD case, gorgeously happy music, that would make you want to dance, and then soul searching music that pries open the inner most sanctums of your heart……..music, I have been without music, for so long, a self imposed fast. It has been too painful to hear the strains of music wafting out of the computer reminding me of the tender spirit of my gentle, sensitive, spiritual son, who is no more with me.
Again I know that I am not alone…………I feel His (SWT) solace envelope me squeezing the grief out of my heart via my eyes, spilling across my face as I miss my child and his music.