My Need of God…………….

Do not surrender your grief so quickly
Let it cut more deeply
Let it ferment and season you
As few human or divine ingredients can

Something is missing in my heart tonight
That has made made my eyes so soft
And my voice so tender
And my need of God so absolutely clear.

Hafiz

PREPARATION FOR UMMRAH

Here is my list taken from several sources and put together to prepare physically and spiritually for  Ummrah:
1.    Travel arrangements
a.    Surfing for travel agencies and getting references
b.    Getting documents together
c.    Applying for visa & ticket

2.    Logistics
a.    Packing light for temperature and ease
b.    Medications for minor illnesses and foot problems
c.    Ordering unscented shampoo, conditioner, deodorant crème etc
d.    Separating the clothes and toiletries for Ummrah from rest of travel
e.    Completing hygienic requirements before leaving home, e.g., shaving, depilation manicure, pedicure etc.
f.    Reviewing custom rules for USA and Saudi Arabia
g.    Finalizing all flights with travel agency

3. Physical Preparation

Walk for one hour atleast four to five times a week.

4.    Spiritual preparation
a.    Get into a mindset of worship by changing personal schedule
b.    Practice being open to new ideas, new people, new food, and  prepare to receive from Allah
c.    Review and finesse salaat
d.    Review and memorize the supplications at each step of Ummrah
e.    Review and memorize the steps of Ummrah
f.    Think of the most important supplication to make when setting eyes on the Kaaba for the first time
g.    Practice getting up for Tahajjud if possible
h.    Practice sitting on the musallah reciting adkaars after fajr prayer (It is equivalent to a Hajj and Ummrah if done after Jamaat prayer)
i.    Review CDs or a book on the life of the Prophet in Mecca and Medina
j.    Start reading the Quran with meaning and plan to complete it in Mecca
k.    Practice tolerating wait times, other peoples shortcomings, and hunger
l.    Practice fasting on Monday and Thursdays to strengthen the body and spirit (Sunnah of our Prophet PBUH)
5.    Day before
a.    Check you baggage for weight against airline regulations.
b.    Add healthy but light snacks for the flight and wait times
c.    Photocopy material to read or memorize while waiting
d.    Prepare to always be in taharah during travel
e.    Confirm your flight and hotel plans
f.    Confirm your ride to and back from the airport
g.    Email all your friends and family asking for forgiveness for any words or deeds done in the past
h.    Pay all debts and bills.
i.    If there are elders in the family ask for their blessings
j.    Finalize arrangements and finances for people, animals and responsibilities being left behind.
k.    Make dua that Allah makes it easy and that we travel in health and gain the spiritual benefit that we aspire to attain.
l.    Leave list of passwords and location of will incase one does not return

6.    Day of travel
a.    Check logistics
b.    Say goodbye to immediate family
c.    Make two rakah nafl asking Allah to accept this travel being made with the intention of Ummrah, for a safe passage to and fro, and safety for the ones we leave behind.

Jazaik Allah hu Khairan,

Let the spiritual adventure begin with an open heart and mind!

PLEASE ADD WHAT WORKED BEST FOR  YOU IN PREPARING FOR UMMRAH.

I AM SPEECHLESS..

I am back from Ummrah and Syria. I am speechless and  my own home feels foreign to me. The spirituality of Ummrah followed by the travel in Syria and seeing with my own eyes the signs of struggle of my believing ancestors as well as the mistakes they made is truly humbling.

Inshallah I will be posting my writings some of the Ummrah with my husband, and some of Syria which I fell in love with.

I prayed for each one of you in the airy second floor of the Haram, at the golden hour between asar and maghrib.

May Allah accept my prayers. Now back to dunya, with Allah guiding my actions and Syria in my heart.

SALAAT-E- AWWABEEN

It is Maghrib, the changing of the guard; the day angels are departing, the night ones are standing in the wings to take over. Just like the sign out session by the residents in the hospital, each patient is carefully signed out in detail. Perhaps my day angel is signing me out to my night one too. I feel cherished and protected.

The gas lamps at the Hateem have been lit, the blazing field lights of the Haram that turn night into day are not yet turned on. The gentleness of the red sky over the scattered homes over the hill can be felt from across the Haram. I feel no connection to the world out there. Here in the courtyard of Allah’s House I am safe, and time is of no consequence except for the time of salaat.

We have completed our salaat al Maghrib with all the thousands of muslims in the Haram, and yet it feels that He (SWT) was particularly attentive to me. Waiting for me to do more. Why I do not know.

My companion on this Ummrah is Haifa. She says in her usual gentle manner, a question urging you into action. “ Would you like to pray Salaat-e Awwabeen?” I am immediately ready. We are in the women’s section immediately behind the Muqaam e Ibrahim, and we begin our Salaat e Awwabeen, or the Salaat to return to Allah subhanwa taala. With each sajda we take another baby step returning back towards Allah subhanawataala.

Usually I am impatient for results, I want Him to do things quickly, but this evening the prayer is sweet and the destination sweeter. I am patient, I am in front of the Kaaba, the Muqaam e Ibrahim marked by a golden grilled structure stands between me and the Kaaba. Here is where the Khaleel (friend) of Allah once stood. The night is swirling its dark cloak around me gently and protectively, calling me to return to Allah.

It is maghrib again and I am home, thousands of miles away from the House of my Lord. This evening I am going to perform my salaat al Maghrib like Imam Malik. He was very fastidious and his preparations for prayer entailed a personal preparation as well as preparation of the ambience. He would after wudu. dress in clean crisp clothes and put on perfume and light the incense sticks to ready himself for his salaat and to relate the Hadith. He felt that when such beautiful words were related, the environment had to reflect the beauty of the words in every sense.

I don’t have incense handy so I light my scented candle and let the pink glow of the sunset fill the room, As I finish my salaat al Maghrib, I see the dancing shadows on my musallah created by the flame of the candle as the room darkens.

I never leave the musallah as the night darkens and the candle spreads it flickering light scented with a scent of some exotic flower, I decide to return to my Lord and begin my Salaat e Awwabeen. In the fading light I feel Him (SWT) waiting patiently and with affection as I start my journey back to Him.

KISSING THE BLACK STONE…… OR NOT

I am going to Hajj, and I have been warned of the crowds many times and in many ways. I have been told that during Hajj kissing the black stone (Hajr e Aswad) is next to impossibility for men and a definite impossibility for women.

I am at Hajj and have started my welcome Ummrah. It is two am and I am rushing through my Tawaf. In one hour the worshippers for Tahajjud will arrive and flood the Haram. There is thus a sense of urgency to the timeliness of completing the seven circumambulations and go on to Saee.I am having a difficult time concentrating on my prayers as my attention is divided into many sections: I am looking out for my group leader and my Mahram, I am trying to keep pace with them, I am making sure my daughter is up close and does not get lost in this sea of people. I am avoiding the garland of women from Malaysia that walk with linked arms, and are an impregnable wall to get through, and I am trying to remember what I have to say in prayer.

Tawaf is a prayer. The ablution is the same as for salaat, the focus and concentration is the same as salaat; the difference is that this prayer has a specific place and method. It is different from the salaat. Here when I enter tawaf after wudu, I am not standing, I am walking, my heart is turned towards the House of my Lord, and I am in His presence. Instead of imagining that I am facing Kaaba, as I do in salaat at home, I actually am at the Kaaba. Instead of two Rakaats I have seven circles to complete, someone asks why seven? I don’t know nor do I care.

The challenge to concentrate on prayer is greater because most people doing Tawaf do not understand that tawaf is also a prayer and requires silence. Some of the men are on their cell phones instructing their companions where to meet them after fajr; others are talking to each other.At this time in Hajj, I want to perform a perfect prayer. It has taken me seven years to get to this stage of actually performing Hajj. I may never return to the House of my Lord, I may never have this opportunity again, thus underneath all the fervor of prayer is the restrained panic that this may be the only time…and yet attention and concentration falters with my steps.

Emotions of anger emerge when someone pushes me, feelings of envy creep up when I hear the hajjis recite the Quran with amazingly beautiful tajweed, feelings of pity surface as I see an eighty year old man huffing and puffing leaning on his stick as he makes slow progress in the tawaf.I see a pallet surrounded by guards and young Arabian men pass me by. The woman in the pallet is semi reclining and is hooked up to Oxygen. She is a Sheikha (princess) I am told. I thank God that I am not that princess.

I am supposed to focus on prayer, I tell myself and eventually I do, but the tawaf is over too soon. I am now standing at the edge of the tawaf circle and gazing at the long line of people waiting to kiss the black stone, I do not even try to approach it; I can see that it would require some major arm wrestling, which would go against the purpose of why I am here for Hajj.

At some subconscious level I am satisfied, I have been given a valid excuse not to fight the crowd to kiss the black stone, and yet when some of the men from the group tell me that they did, I feel resentment which I try to rationalize and squash before it grows.

I am now in Saee, I am even less prepared for Saee. As I climb Safa, the rocks are slippery and pointy and hurt my feet. Shireen is more prepared than me, she whips out her Hajj guide on a rope and we manage to read the duas of Safa and Marwaah. As we get to the green light the men start to jog and suddenly the perspective of the whole scene falls into place:

It is the middle of the day many centuries ago. The unrelenting Arabian sun is in full glory and our mother Hagar has been left in the desert with her son Ismail. The food and drink that had been left with her is now all gone. She is in search of a caravan and help. She climbs up the hill of Safa, shading her eyes from the sun. She shouts, “ Is any one out there” hoping that a passing caravan would hear her and come to assist.She knows that with a caravan will be water and food. There is no response to her call, and in the quiet of the desert, fear enters her heart that her child has succumbed to the heat and thirst. She carefully walks down the hill of Safa which has sharp stones (It still has some).

Panic builds in her heart, she starts running towards her child, reaching him she picks him up and to her relief thankfully notes that though hungry and hot he is still alive. She pacifies him and lays him down again and decides to climb Marwah……….. Seven times!……..our mother searching for food and water for her child and never giving up.

Now the green lights do not feel as ridiculous as they had when I had read about them in a Hajj instruction book. I look around at the teeming humanity. Each and everyone, man, woman and child, walking, climbing, or jogging in the footsteps of one woman, honoring her, her love for her child and the status of a mother…. I am deeply touched and honored to be a mother.

As I complete my Saee, I find myself deeply thankful to belong to a faith that commands its worshippers to journey from all corners of this earth to this spot every year, to honor one woman who struggled to obey Allah and to protect her child.

I return from Hajj never having laid my lips on The Black Stone.

The Eight pieces of Hajre Aswad set in the corner of the Kaaba. Tawaf begins and ends at the corner of the Kaaba that holds the Hajre Aswad

WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE NOT GOING FOR HAJJ?

Adapted from: Perfect days for perfect Ibaadah

By Asma bint Shameem

The first ten days of Dhul-Hijjah are the most beloved to AllahThe Prophet testified to that. He said: “There are no days in which righteous deeds are more beloved to Allah than these ten days.” (Bukhaari)WHAT ACTIVITIES IN THESE 10 DAYS WILL BRING THE REWARD OF JANNAH?Obviously, Hajj is one of the best deeds that one can do during these ten days. However for those of us who were not invited to His House this year, there are still many, good deeds that one can do and earn the Pleasure of Allah.Some of these are:

1) Fast all nine days and especially fast the Day of ‘Arafah The Prophet (PBUH) said: “Anyone who fasts for one day for Allah’s pleasure, Allah will keep his face away from the (Hell) fire for (a distance covered by a journey of) seventy years.” (Bukhari, Muslim)The Prophet (PBUH) used to fast on the ninth day of Dhu’l-Hijjah and he said: “Fasting the Day of ‘Arafah (ninth Dhul-hijjah) is an expiation for (all the sins of) the previous year and an expiation for (all the sins of) the coming year.” (Muslim)

2) Do a LOT of Dhikr and Takbeer The Prophet (PBUH) said: “There are no days on which good deeds are greater or more beloved to Allah than on these ten days”, so recite much Tahleel (saying Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah), Takbeer (saying Allahu akbar) and Tahmeed (saying al-hamdu Lillaah).” (Ahmad -Saheeh)Ibn ‘Umar and Abu Hurayrah used to go out in the marketplace during the first ten days of Dhu’l-Hijjah, reciting Takbeer, and the people would recite Takbeer when they heard them. (Bukhaari)Takbeer at this time is a Sunnah. So recite it in the masjid, in your home, on the street and every place where it is permitted to remember Allah. Revive the Sunnah that have been virtually forgotten and earn great rewards for doing so.The Prophet said: “Whoever revives an aspect of my Sunnah that is forgotten after my death, he will have a reward equivalent to that of the people who follow him, without it detracting in the least from their reward.” (Tirmidhi- a hasan hadeeth)Men should recite these phrases out loud, and women should recite them quietly.

3) Stand in Night Prayers: (Tahajud, Qiyam al Layl) Remember the virtues of spending the night in prayer, and its sweetness in Ramadan? Why not revive this beautiful act of worship during these nights as well?Remember, how in the last third of every night, Allah Almighty calls out to us, His servants:Is there anyone to invoke Me, so that I may respond to his invocation? Is there anyone to ask Me, so that I may grant him his request? Is there anyone seeking My forgiveness, so that I may forgive him? (Bukhaari, Muslim)Why do we miss this golden opportunity? So, seize the chance NOW and expose yourself to His Divine Generosity and Mercy, ask Him to forgive you and guide you and set things aright. He will surely listen.

4) Make Sincere Repentance. One of the most important action during these ten days is to repent sincerely to Allah and to give up all kinds of disobedience and sin right away because we do not know when we will die and thus become unable to repent, and also because one evil deed leads to another.But what does ‘repentance’ mean?It means that you come back to Allah and give up all the deeds, open and secret, that He dislikes…. that you regret whatever you did in the past, giving it up immediately and be determined never ever, to return to it, and resolve to adhere firmly to the Truth by doing whatever Allah loves.“But as for him who repented, believed and did righteous deeds, then he will be among those who are successful.” [Al-Qasas 28:67]

5) Come back to the Qur’aan It is time now to dust off your copy of the Qur’aan and return to its refuge. Make it a daily habit, using these 10 days the beginning of a strong and beautiful relationship with it. Read it with meaning, reflect on it, understand it, and then implement it in your daily life.Remember that reading one letter of the Qur’aan earns you ten rewards. In this way, reading Surat Al-Fatihah, which doesn’t take more than two minutes, will give you more than one thousand rewards! This is on ordinary days, so what about these magnificent days! Certainly the reward will be far greater, Insha Allah.

6) Increase ALL the types of good deeds. If we are unable to go to Hajj this year, we should occupy ourselves in the worship of Allah; pray extra prayers (Nafilah) recite the Qur’aan. Make Dhikr of Allah, send Salaams on the Prophet, make dua, give charity, honor our parents, uphold ties of kinship, enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil, and add other good deeds and acts of worship during these days.“So whosoever does good equal to the weight of an atom, shall see it; And whosoever does evil equal to the weight of an atom, shall see it.”[Al-Zalzalah 99:7-8]

7) Get the reward of Hajj wherever you are: You may be unable to do Hajj this year, and you may feel sad. However, you can get the reward of it right where you are.The Prophet said: “Whoever prays Fajr Prayer in congregation, and then sits and remembers Allah until the sun rises, then (after a while) prays two rak’as, he will gain a reward equal to that of making perfect Hajj and Umrah.” [He repeated the word "perfect" thrice.] (At-Tirmidhi)

8. Slaughter an animal and distribute the meat. Ibn Umar said: The Prophet lived in Madeenah for 10 years and every year he slaughtered an animal.” (Ahmad-Saheeh by al-Albaani)

9) Attend Eid prayers But remember that Eid prayer is a form of worship and we should avoid unislamic behavior (especially) in dress and in etiquette during these times.

10) Thank Allah. One of the best forms of worshipping Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta’ala is to thank Him, deeply, sincerely and continuously.Alhamdulillah, there is much to be gained in these coming days. Hasten to do good deeds and striving hard in worship .

“And worship your Lord until there comes unto you the certainty (death).” [Al-Hijr 15:99]

SCHEDULE FOR ITIKAAF/UMMRAH

For Ummrah. And Itikaaf I suggest the following: (Courtesy Imam Al Homsi)

1- One hour of silent Dhikr every morning

2- One Juzu a day in Arabic.

3- Two juzu a day in English or Urdu (My take: Listen to it on Ipod)

4- Doing all the nawafel, 2 Ishraaq, 8 Duha (after Ishraq), 8 Awwabin (after Magrib, 8 Qiyamul layl (after Isha), 8 Tahajjud (before Fajr)

5- One monetary charity a day (my suggestion: one after each fard prayer)

6- One physical charity a day

7- Reading a whole book in Islamic Studies or spiritualities.(I perused sections of The Life of the Prophet Muhammad PBUH in urdu)

8- Listening to a whole set of audio lectures.(my take: Use Ipod)

9- list of duaas from the Quran or the hadeeth (I liked Munajaat-e- Maqbool or Accepted Whispers).

10- list of people that you make duaa for inshaa Allah (Keep with ¥ou on Tawaaf).

HOW I WAS CALLED FOR HAJJ

Sometimes when you are asleep, you stumble into the garden and then when you wake up you have this vague lingering feeling that you glimpsed something beautiful. Before you can consolidate that thought your daily chores, of eating drinking working and cooking take over and all higher sensibilities are drowned in the acts of daily living. I have for a long time tried to recapture that glimpse to find my way into the garden but it has never materialized into reality. The feeling of wanting to go for Hajj has sort of been like that elusive feeling in my heart.

Seven years ago, my brother called me and said” would you like to go for Ummrah? I said “sure” he said, “This is your birthday gift from me.” My brother, like all researchers and academicians is always overextended. When the time drew very close, he asked me to send him my passport and visa application. By this time we had reached the “forbidden” times for Ummrah. These are the two months before Hajj. Major preparations take place during this period to welcome and accommodate the four million pilgrims that arrive from all over the globe.

I had envisioned Umrah to be like going to see the Vatican, another tourist visit even though I am a Muslim; the actual sanctity of the event had not sunk into me.
I was not ready emotionally, nor spiritually to visit the House of God with the appropriate humility and desire that a pilgrim who wishes to visit His house must have. There was not enough time for my visa to come through. And I could not go.
My next attempt at Umrah was looking through the travel agencies online and thinking of planning something in the summer for the family. This remained an online surfing exercise, but the plans never really materialized.

Having grown up in a very educated, westernized liberal family, my concept of Umrah was that it was for people who were very religious. I believed like many others from Pakistan that Hajj was reserved for the very old and feeble who had finished all their worldly responsibilities and were going on their final journey to wash out their sins. It was much later that I was to find out how mistaken I was. This gives you an idea where I was coming from and why it took me seven years to perform Hajj.

The mind of a child is an electronic camera, it takes pictures and stores them and then on strange occasions and times sometimes many years later a picture pops up.

Back in time, I am seven years old and am accompanying my mother to the harbor in Karachi, the sea breeze is cooling my brow and I can smell the faint perfume of jasmine from my mothers dupatta mixed with the petroleum smells of the harbor. Other relatives are at the harbor, milling around with the crowd of people leaving for Hajj.
My great Aunt (Khalaji) is leaving for Hajj, she is being garlanded and her son dressed in two pieces of white cloth with part of his arms and legs showing is standing beside her. I feel awkward. I had never seen my uncle with so few clothes on, and such strange ones. In our extended family I sense a feeling of finality. A feeling of reverence mixed with a feeling of a final goodbye.

We are waiting; I feel someone or something has come behind me. I turn around I see this huge ship “Safina Hujjajj “ written on it side standing behind me. It seems endlessly huge and has silently snuck up on me.
I am overwhelmed by its size, and a little afraid as it towers over me. I look up and away from the milling crowd at the harbor and I see what seems to me thousands of young boys who seem to be the age of my eldest brother, around sixteen or seventeen. They look oriental and they are all dressed in the white clothes that my uncle was wearing, their faces………I can never forget! The peace, the quiet happiness, the joy of anticipation, the serenity and sense of purpose. These young men, are all going to Hajj at the turn of their eighteenth birthday to fulfill the rites of their passage to manhood. They were all from Indonesia.

It took me fifty years of wandering, traveling through twenty four countries, teaching medicine before I thought that I could to go to visit the House of my Lord. It was a compartment of my life that had been private. Living two lives sometimes it shrank significantly during fulfilling my duties towards work and family,

Interning as a resident I came across a physician colleague who later became my mentor. He would always say on rounds, “Asma keep your priorities straight: The most important are: God, family and work, in that order. He worked long hours but he never missed church and never preached unless asked. My priorities had always been other people’s crises, medical or other wise.

In the Quran, God the Almighty says “ I am closer to you than even your jugular vein” I thus felt that I did not really need to take time out to be with him as He was with me always. What I did not know that there was a difference between Him being with me always and me being with Him always. Similar to having an elder with you at all times but your attention may not be on what He is saying to you.

I am propelled into the now, three years ago:
It is mother’s day and I am in Atlanta, for a conference, I convince my mother to go out for mothers day and go to pick her up my from my brothers apartment. I have not seen her in three years, due to extenuating circumstances. On the phone she sounds fine, but in her last phone call there is panic in her voice, her vision is failing with glaucoma and cataracts, she fears she is going blind and nothing can be done.
I wait for her to come down the stairs, and I am shocked that she cannot walk by herself; she is holding on to the railing and is looking around for me. The searching gaze of an almost blind person. It was as if someone had taken a boxing glove and hit me in my solar plexus. My beautiful, fastidious mother, looking around helplessly, unable to walk, and see. Rage battled with good manners and I gently guide her to the car. She was embarrassed but vague like someone who comes out of the darkness into sunshine and is unable to orient oneself. We go to a Turkish restaurant and she again has trouble seeing and walking and has to use the bathroom, and needs assistance but does not want us to help her.

I remembered God, I remembered mortality, I remembered the verse I had read in the Quran about parents taking care of us as children when we were helpless and that one day they would be helpless and we as children should take care of them without even making the sound of “oof” or showing displeasure.

From that time on came a period of three years where despite the best medical treatment in the world, my mother slipped into helplessness, and mental anguish as her children fought with each other and with everyone around them and returned to being little unruly children who did not like what was happening to their mama. Since they could not control the chain of events or stop them they ranted and railed at everyone round them.

I had to go back to the Quran and read and reread the commandments of taking care of your parents, without complaining. It did not say what the tribulations would be, they were not just physical but emotional and spiritual, we were not all on the same plane, as a family we ranged in our spiritual beliefs and our secular knowledge and in our arrogance of how much of fate we could change with medications and therapy.

I was slowly coming to my knees and I was praying. God who was next to my jugular vein was now on my lips as my constant companion. I could no longer control or direct the events that were happening, and yet I had not completely given up the feeling that I had control.

The next phase was when all was said and done and was of no avail, she was neither alive, nor dead, but in pain. I had to go back again and read the sections in the Quran on “sabr” which is translated into patience but it really is a submission to God with the premise that He knows best why things are happening and that we have to trust Him that eventually we will perhaps know His wisdom, but maybe not.
I made my peace and accepted that God knew best and that I would continue to do my best, knowing that I do not have the power to change things nor the wisdom to direct them.
What lies on the other side of the wall which our loved ones pass through at death I am unable to see and understand and I have to believe Him and accept His decisions and hope and pray that at some time He will share the reason for the circumstances with me. At this time, I must find comfort in Patience and Prayer, as is commanded in His word in the Quran many times.

Three days before my birthday in the quiet late afternoon, my dear mother moved to the other side of the curtain, leaving us all behind. Inaccessible to us anymore.

At that juncture I thought to myself, I have faced the worst that I could have, There is nothing worse that could happen to me, and yet On a rainy afternoon on July 13, 2005 their was a knock on the door and two police officers were standing there and wanted to see me. They asked me to sit down. And when they said that once again my electronic memory kicked in:

I am in the ICU, a child who came in with head trauma is brain dead, I have to tell the parents, I go to the waiting room, they look at me, their eyes innocent of the horror they are going to face and I ask them to sit down.

Allah is truly Merciful, even as they told me that Tariq my dear nineteen year old son was “deceased”, with some part of my brain I thought maybe it is a mistake, I can go take care of him, maybe this small county of Taliaferro does not have the medical resources to take care of trauma, he probably is alive, My mind is numb, I am thinking, again and again this is just an error, in a minute they are going to look at their report and say “sorry wrong patient”.

It doesn’t happen, three months after my mother passed over to the other side, her dearest grandson joined her, leaving a deafening silence in my heart.

I wanted God to comfort me because no human being could do it. I wanted Him to envelope me in His mercy, and His love. How was I going to do that?

I needed Him, I knew from the innermost core of my heart that no one could give me the comfort that He could, His name Raheem comes from rahem, which means “womb”. He knew that my womb had been torn apart, my child had been taken, and every cell in my body was weeping, that I needed him! not as a silent sentinel closer to my jugular vein but as a dynamic force in my life and in my heart. He knew what I did not. I needed Him, I wanted him and to seek Him I must go to Him.
I knew then that I must go to His House to partake of His hospitality, to unashamedly ask for His love and Mercy and ask Him to hold me and bring me close to Him (Subhana wa Ta’ala).

Thus began my journey to Hajj long before I actually performed the actual rites of pilgrimage.

A 1953 picture of Safinna Hujjaj: