The Most Beloved Deed

PROPHET  MUHAMMAD Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him said:

“Deeds are presented to Allah on Monday and Thursday

so

I love that my deeds be presented while I am fasting”

What do you and I do on Mondays and Thursdays?

HOW DOES MY ENVIRONMENT AND THE COMPANY I KEEP, AFFECT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY CREATOR?

Riwayah from Rasool Allah (Excerpted from Dr. Farhat Hashmi’s tafseer of Surah Tawbah: 9:101)

وَمِمَّنۡ حَوۡلَكُم مِّنَ ٱلۡأَعۡرَابِ مُنَـٰفِقُونَۖ وَمِنۡ أَهۡلِ ٱلۡمَدِينَةِۖ مَرَدُواْ عَلَى ٱلنِّفَاقِ لَا تَعۡلَمُهُمۡۖ نَحۡنُ نَعۡلَمُهُمۡۚ سَنُعَذِّبُہُم مَّرَّتَيۡنِ ثُمَّ يُرَدُّونَ إِلَىٰ عَذَابٍ عَظِيمٍ۬ (١٠١)

And among those around you of the wandering Arabs there are hypocrites, and among the townspeople of Al-Madinah (there are some who) persist in hypocrisy whom thou (O Muhammad) knowest not. We, We know them, and We shall chastise them twice; then they will be relegated to a painful doom. (101)

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) riwayah is as follows about where one lives and what are one’s pastimes and where it leads us:

One who goes and lives in the jungles (in the boonies away from educated people and removed from an environment of Deen): his heart becomes hardened

One who pursues hunting (without purpose) he become Ghafil (ignorant)

One who desires the proximity of the ‘Sultan’ (likes to be in the halls of rulers) he becomes Ghafil (ignorant) from Allah.

(He forgets Allah because he becomes immersed in the comforts, luxury and opulence of the ruler. He thus also forgets the Hereafter and the fact he is answerable for his actions on the Day of Judgment).

End Riwayah (words within parenthesis are mine & FH)

WHERE DO  YOU LIVE? AND WHO IS YOUR COMPANY?

IM’S DAD…………..THANK YOU ALLAH FOR SINCERE FRIENDS!

Asalaam o alaaikum,

Four years have past…………. four years of joy and anguish. It only seems like yesterday when Shireen was talking with you about medical school, was doing interviews and we were planning on going to spend weekends in her away rotation with her and visiting you.

I have always as a young person wondered about the references given to us regarding this life as being a nano second compared to the one that awaits us in the Hereafter, wherein we will dwell forever. In perspective of the past four year I now understand the full flavor of the meaning.

It seems that these four years have passed in a blink of an eye. In most ways what ever happened in these four years is like a blur in my memory. It seems like when Tariq and Imran and Ebad left us time stood still and lost it’s meaning, we lived as if waiting for its end.

Events happened, people came and went and like a robot we spent this time on earth waiting for the next bus to Akhirah, having the fear but not the energy to prepare for it. Meanwhile people around us reveled in the events at the bus stop (this dunya) their eyes not even glancing towards the bus that Tariq and Imran boarded before us.

In these four years so many times I have admired your ability to go to work and to accomplish meaningful work, whereas I sludge through the mire of time and my past memory to complete each day, trying to make sure that my patients did not suffer.

My silence and lack of expression of appreciation comes from this deep quicksand of grief that we share. I deeply appreciate how you have extended your affection to all of us, you always have done so, but even more after Tariq and Imran left us. Whereas I feel as if I am in a quicksand where even moving my lips for saying a thank you pushes me further into it.

I cannot honestly think how I can return the favor of your affectionate caring for Shireen, Paul and myself. I know that Allah Subhanawataala has a beautiful place waiting for you when you board the bus to your final destination and Imran inshallah will be at the bus stop at the other end to receive you with his usual charming smile.

Thank you for being patient, caring and affectionate towards us and giving such thoughtful guidance to Shireen in medical school. As she gets ready to graduate, I know that she has someone to turn to if and when Paul and I are no longer here to be with her.

I pray that you find the solace that you seek and that the time that you spend in the service of Allah Subhanawataala be accepted in total, and that you and your charming and patient wife find peace and sakina with each other and that your dear sister is gifted with health and energy, and that your children and grandchildren be given the barakah of Allah in this world and the next and that their words and deeds are always pleasing to Allah.

Thank you again for being a wonderful friend and brother. Please keep us in your prayers.

Your sister in grief and gratitude

THE FABRIC OF MY FRIENDSHIP……..

In the Name of Allah , Most Gracious, Most Merciful

I arrive on time and yet most of them are already there. They are sitting on the carpet, which is covered with a beautiful sheet, their Quran’s open in their lap, perusing the ayahs we reviewed at the last meeting. Today is Wednesday and I am at the Tafseer Halaqa.

As I sit down on the beautiful paisley designed sheet, I think of home for a fleeting second, the home where I grew up, and then the feeling passes for I am to ready myself to receive the words of Allah and their explanation and keep a rein on my tongue that wants to talk and a rein on my brain that wants to analyze everything logically even before it has been reviewed.

As I sit down on the floor, I am reminded that I have to face the Qibla and sit respectfully as if in tashahud because I am going to be reading and listening to the word of God. I put my Quran on a cushion to raise it so that it is above the level of my feet, I open my notebook and find the last sentence, which says… “start with ayah number so and so for next Wednesday”

My mind wanders, for a moment as I think to myself ‘I should have brought my dua book of “Accepted Whispers”. As this conversation is going on in my head, the hostess asks if we should begin.  We nod our heads and someone says the opening dua and recites the ayahs for today aloud.

As the words of God resound in the room, borne on the sincere voice of the friend who is reciting, I look at her, and think, I would have never gotten so close to her so as to call her my friend had it not been for the common bond of this tafseer circle…………a circle that begins with the urge to learn our Deen and propels us into the circle of friendship.

In that circle we then become each other’s confidants, each other’s support in moments of need and distress and each other’s coach when one of us becomes discouraged with our individual progress on the path to Allah, and all of this is Fi SabeelAllah with no hidden or overt agenda.

It is a clear crisp spring day and the sun is streaming into the room bringing the much wanted light and sunshine in our lives and in the understanding of our path towards happiness.

The recitation shuts off the internal dialogue in my head as all my neurons focus on the words, I resist the urge to read the translation side by side and concentrate on the actual words of Allah.

Door to the Masjid e Nabvi (Women's emtrance)

The sing song recitation evokes a memory. I close my eyes for a minute and the picture of the woman sitting next to me in the Haram rises in front of my eyes. A random woman from Pakistan dressed in an old threadbare shalwar kameez, sitting next to me in the Masjid e Nabvi. I am arrested by what she is doing. Her gnarled aged hands tracing the Arabic printed words of the Quran as she moves with the rhythm of ‘Allah ho Akbar’.  She like our Prophet (PBUH) cannot read, and has not had the opportunity in her life to memorize and recite the Quran………I distinctly remember the acute guilt that overcomes me as I watch her, I too am in a way very much like her.
I can read but I do not understand………and even worse than that I thus cannot reflect. Steeped in shame, I sit paralyzed watching her as she turns page after page of the Quran tracing the words, caressing them as if from the sensitized tips of her fingers in some magical way she will absorb the word of Allah and be propelled into His presence.

The voice of Farhat Hashmi breaks my reverie and brings me to the present. She is talking to us online, in her soft, polite though firm voice. She is explaining, giving examples, quoting other ayahs which are related and then taking all the ramifications of these ayahs with the meaning, explanation, context and references and relating them to every day life. Reminding me of the act of taking a bunch of roses, greens, grass and other buds and tying them with a ribbon.

It is almost as if she is taking the scattered rosebuds of the words of the Quran and tying them up to our everyday life with the ribbon of action and handing them to us. She is online but physically hundreds of miles away and yet it seems she just handed the bouquet to us and said: “ take this and decorate your life with it”

The tafseer ends and we talk to each other.  How can we incorporate the lessons of today’s tafseer in our lives.

We are like the pattern on the gorgeous fabric where we are sitting; each person has her own beauty, her own style and her own gifts from Allah.  And yet we are like the scattered flowers of a bouquet.  As we came together to listen to Allah Subhanawataala’s words, He has tied us together with the ribbon of friendship…………these are my buddies from my tafseer circle and I love each one of them for the sake of Allah.

This post is dedicated to all my friends in the Wednesday Tafseer Circle,.

May it continue to nourish us in the ilm of Deen. Ameen

THE ONLY SIN I KNOW

If someone sits with me
And we talk about the Beloved

If I cannot give his heart comfort,
If I cannot make him feel better
About himself and this world,

Then Hafiz,
Quickly run to the mosque and pray—

For you have just committed
The only sin I know.

by Hafiz in ” I heard God laughing”

Dedicated to the readers of this blog, your comments tell me where your heart is ………so Keep the dialogue going. Who knows whose heart you may touch while passing through here.

SUNSHINE AND……….

I prayed to Allah (SWT) before leaving for Ummrah to give Paul and me lots and lots of love at His (SWT) house and in my travels and to envelope me in his love at every step.
As my travel unraveled, it seemed that even the average person was kind and caring to me, starting from my fellow passengers to the immigration and custom officers that I encountered at the various airports.
It was no chance that I was being given so much love and affection on my journey. He SWT was sending his love to me in many forms and through His creation.
I was receiving it this time without my usual questions like “why is he being so nice? What does he really want?” I realized that over the years I had become a cynic. A cynic is defined as someone who has lost faith in the goodness that Allah SWT has put in every human being. Thus on this journey I found myself not only accepting His (SWT) love through his creation but also without questioning the intent.
Were the people in the Syrian airport just good to me because I was this that or the other, is the line of thought that I would have followed in the past, reasoning out why everyone was so kind and caring towards me.
I am confident that nothing happens by chance, that Allah SWT made a special permit for me, transmitting it to my guardian angels that warded off all unpleasantness and attracted all the goodness in people who came in contact with me. I almost feel that they saw me with eyes that only saw goodness in me and they reflected it. What happened to all my shortcomings?

I firmly believe that on this trip, He (SWT) put blinders on everyone that hid all my defects. This was His (SWT) gift to me, not because I had done anything special, but just because I had asked with all sincerity and He (SWT) granted my wish.
Whenever I travel, I miss my children. Ever since Shireen was six months of age, I have taken my children on every professional meeting where I taught a class or presented a scientific paper, both national and international.
Initially my mother traveled with us, as Paul was an academician and could not leave work. When I was with her I took both children and I have many lovely memories of those times. Even though at times, I felt stressed in the performance of the three roles of doting mother, obedient daughter and efficent medical Professor, all within the same traveling period.
As the children got older and my mother also, I would alternate kids on my international trips, so Tariq and Shireen each went to sixteen to eighteen different countries where I taught medicine and they learnt to sit quietly with a chaperone during my lectures as I did not want them out of my sight.
As I alighted at the Damascus airport, I felt a little lost but not anxious. I had made but not finalized my plans with Sunshine. I had never seen him but knew him through his Aunt (my dear friend who was supposed to accompany me, but her plans fell through).
My husband had noted my trepidation at traveling without anyone to an Arab country with no knowledge of the language and the people.

Having spent so much time in the west, I felt I did not know how to behave in an Arab country. Stereotypes have a lot to do with preconceived notions. My exposure to Arabs was restricted to the few Europeanized Arabs I knew at home and what I saw on TV or read in the newspapers. Paul said “Don’t spend all your time in the hotel, get out and look at Syria”

I walked out of the Damascus airport looking for a young man who may perhaps be wearing jeans since he was an American. I did not find one.

At the Jeddah airport I had met another young women whom my guardian angels had ushered me to. She was calm, beautiful and very gently hospitable. At the Damascus airport when she saw me looking lost, she asked me for his phone number, called him, and handed the phone to me. After salaam, I asked him where he was? I looked around and saw a young man in jeans standing two arms length from me.
From then on Sunshine it was. His conversation and behavior was a genuine mix of traditional muslim hospitality and American candor. He had chosen a beautiful, reasonably priced local hotel for me which is patronized by Arab tourists. He gave me a very interesting tour of everything enroute from the airport to the Hotel and that was just the beginning. (This is the outdoor cafe of the hotel>)

Allah SWT was looking after me, not only physically but emotionally also, He (SWT) knew I would intensely miss my son and my daughter on this visit, so He (SWT) in all his mercy sent me Sunshine. With whom I laughed, walked, ate delicious though simple Syrian food and discovered the beautiful nuances of Damascus.

We stopped to pray at different mosques all over the city for each salaat as the day progressed, and I was amazed how salaat could be incorporated into daily life without a hitch.

I was delighted to note that every mosque that I prayed in, had an immaculately clean, generous space for women.

I was starting my visit to Syria with sunshine on my face and Sunshine with me. His keen intellect and youthful ebullience made discovering Damascus a joy ………..what more could I ask for?

When someone says in a moment of distress and despair “all I can do is pray” I would like to say to them and remind myself that “ I will always pray first, make detailed plans next and then thankfully fall in with the plans that He (SWT) unfolds for me”

I am eternally grateful, and deeply thankful to Allah SWT for sending me Sunshine and illuminating my visit to Syria.

Dedicated to OS (Sunshine): May Allah continue to guide him in his Deen, give him health, and happiness and give his parents and his Aunt (my friend) the privilege of sharing his many moments of joy.

Who is the “Sunshine” in your life?

ON THE EVE OF YOUR ENGAGEMENT……………

Dear J……….Asalaam-o alaikum,
I asked you what should I give you as a gift? And you said…..surprise me! I have been thinking since then of what gift from me would fulfill all the criteria that I desire in a gift for you.

I would like your gift to be a gift of light. Something that you could hold in your heart and look at it every now and then to bring you joy and love. It should be something that when you think of it, it would bring a smile to your lips and it should be something that you could hold on to in moments of stress and strife and find strength.
Even though no material object fulfills these criteria, you will get something material, because Shireen recommends something tangible.
However in addition to the tangible gift I am going to give you something that comes close to the above mentioned criteria as much as possible ……..I am going to give you a dua that will be with you forever, held in the records of Allah to be granted as and when He deems fit.

You are to me like my son, very different from him in many ways, but at his death you have stepped into his shoes and eased my loss. I have not wanted to burden you with the load of memory, but when I look upon you, I am reminded of the love and unconditional affection Tariq had for you, and as I have gotten to know you better I now know why.
I remember how you visited me on the days that I was in the throes of grief as if you knew by telepathy. You comforted me with your sweet smile and serious eyes…… May Allah always provide you comfort in your life and may grief never touch you and your loved ones.

I remember when your mother told me of your father being critically ill with a prognosis that spelt “terminal”. You at the young age of ten or eleven sat with her in the waiting room of the Operating Room holding her hand and comforting her and telling her that you were there for her and that everything would turn out well…..….. May Allah Subhanawataala always be there for you in your moments of strife and difficulty if you ever have any. May he protect you and your loved ones from all harm and pain.

I remember when you brought me flowers on the first mother’s day after Tariq died and I was overwhelmed by your thoughtfulness………May Allah fill your life with the vibrant flowers of happiness and the end of your days with the fragrance of jannah.

I remember when you accompanied us to Swarthmore to get Tariq’s belongings and to attend the many functions the students and the college had put on to remember him……….When ever I felt that I could not bear it any more I looked at you and you had a gentle innocent, compassionate look in your eyes, which steadied me………..May Allah always be by your side to steady you in your struggle to remain on the Straight Path.

I remember how when we went to Aisha’s wedding few months after Tariq’s death, you stayed close to Shireen and me giving us a silent and steady support at all times………….May Allah always be at your side to support and steady you in all your work for Deen and make your passage through dunya easy.

I remember how you have helped me uncomplainingly with all my electronic mishaps …..stepping into Tariq’s shoes………….May Allah be your helper every step of your way and May you never want for anything from anyone except Him.

And finally…………..May Allah place mercy and love between you and your wife to be and may both of you always be showered with his rahma in this world and the Hereafter.

This is my dua for you…………..and your loved ones, May Allah accept it in its entirety.

Ameen

A REFLECTION ON SURAH AL ANA’AM FROM Z

Long before she wrote me the note, I knew at a gut level that we were sisters……bound in some intangible manner. I did not know how.

I was going to leave early before the retreat ended and was going to miss the last third of the Surah AL Anaam. Several friends had asked me to stay and I thought that their request was a part of the usual polite good will (takalluf) that we do with each other.
I was listening to the last session when N brought me a note. It said:
“Please stay………for Allah’s sake” It touched me deeply that some one would care enough to say that. It was from Z
I asked another friend to check change in flights and penalty etc to extend it one day. In my Dhuhr prayer I asked Allah SWT to make it easy for me if He thought it would be important for me to stay.
As I rose from the salaat, V told me the reservations were made for the next day and that the fares had dropped so much that I ended up not even paying all the penalty. I stood dumbfounded. Allah subhanawataala’s message was loud and clear but so was the message of the messenger.
It was only much later that I found out that Z had also lost her child a year before mine.
Here is her reflection on Surah Al Anaam:

In the name of Allah, The infinitely Loving, The Love giving

A Sahabah used to read Surat al Ikhlaas a lot in Sal’ah and when questioned said “it is the most beloved of surahs to me”. I accepted this but never “got “it – my heart didn’t understand it till the retreat on Reflections of Surat al An’am.
112:1 SAY: “He is the One God:
قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ (112:1)
112:2 “God the Eternal, the Uncaused Cause of All Being.
اللَّهُ الصَّمَدُ (112:2)
112:3 “He begets not, and neither is He begotten;
لَمْ يَلِدْ وَلَمْ يُولَدْ (112:3)
112:4 “and there is nothing that could be compared with Him.
وَلَمْ يَكُن لَّهُ كُفُوًا أَحَدٌ (112:4)

What would my life be like if I was an ‘abd (slave, servant) of al Ahad – The One and Only? The ‘abd of As Samad – The eternal cause of all that exists, The Completely Self sufficient?

How would it be – waking up to the stillness of the night wanting to be with Him – my Rabb – The one who created me from nonexistence, nourishes and provides for all of my physical and spiritual needs?

How would it be to have in my heart only Al Waahid – The Unique?
Imagine – every breath of the soul, every beat of the heart, every blink of the eye – to seek to know Him truly, to love Him exclusively, to long for His company in dunyaa and Aakhirah, to fear separation from Him in dunyaa and Aakhirah, to ask only from Him, to expect only from Him, to rely only on Him.

FREEDOM!!!
All my life has been spent in seeking approval and praise from other impoverished slaves like me and fearing/avoiding criticism and blame from those who know not my intentions or actions nor judge with wisdom or compassion.
When am I going to be an ‘abd of Allah – The Wise (Al Hakeem), The all Aware (Al Khabeer) and the compassionate (Ar Ra’uf)?

Ikhlaas – Purity, A state of Uncontamination, complete Sincerity
I ”get” it!

Will I live it???

…………….FOR ALL MY FRIENDS

A dear friend sent this story to me. It holds tremendous significance for me.

THE STORY OF THE TWO HORSES
Just up the road from my home is a field with two horses in it. From a distance, each looks like every other horse. However, if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing. Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind.
His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him. This alone is amazing. If nearby and listening, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field. Attached to her halter is a small bell. It lets her blind friend know where she is, so he can follow her.
As you stand and watch these two friends, You will see how she is always checking on him, And that he will listen for her bell and then Slowly walk to where she is, trusting that she will not lead him astray. When she returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, she stops Occasionally and looks back, making sure her friend is not too far behind to hear the bell.
Like the owners of these two horses, Family and friends do not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges. They watch over us and even bring others into our lives to help us when we are in need. Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who family and friends place in our lives. Other times we are the guide horse, helping others see.
Good friends are like this. You do not always see them, but you know they are always there. Please listen for my bell and I will listen for yours. “Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle”.

Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings upon him advised us to keep to friends who guide us to goodness and in strife and difficulty remind us of Allah’s rahma and his decree. He (PBUH)said and I paraphrase, righteous friends are like a perfume shop, every time you visit them you come out smelling fragrant.
I am deeply grateful to Allah subhanawataala for giving me the company of such beautiful people to call my friends who kept guiding me patiently when I was blinded by grief and strife.

THE SHAWL

The mornings are cool even for the South. Fajr time finds the shawl awaiting me by my bedside to drape me as I move towards doing wudu. I remove it reluctantly as I wake up my sleepy eyes with a splash of cool water. After successfully completing the wudu and getting into the mindset for fajr salaat and dhikr, I wrap the shawl around me and head for my musallah. It drapes around me protectively, never leaving me as I go into sujood and rise. In the cold, it emanates warmth and as the morning sun spreads its warmth, it gently slides off my shoulders for Ishraaq.
The shawl: my companion on my travels up north. It stretches over the comforter as a cover to provide additional warmth in the 22-degree weather.
Returning south to walk on the beach in December, it accompanies me shielding me from the cold winds. How many secrets, how many supplications, and how many soliloquy’s has it silently witnessed. How many miles and to how many places we have traveled together. Its gentle softness always reminding me of the warmth and affection of the giver.