THE WALK…………

It is raining steadily; most everyone has excused himself or herself from the walk except one.
We begin our walk umbrella’s open, coats on and camera in hand, as we proceed towards the path between the canal and the river. The scene unfolding in front of us is totally unfamiliar; I have walked this path so many times yet today it seems mesmeric. There is silence, except for the birds and the gushing water as it falls over the rocks. On the other side of the river, mist rises from within the trees and I feel disoriented. Am I in the smoky mountains?

I soon realize that Allah SWT is showing us a view of this place that I have never seen before. Rain washed the rich hues of fall seem to become drenched in color. The puddles on the ground enhance the color of the fallen leaves by reflecting them, and soaking them thus enriching their color.

There is more wild life to be seen including a snowy white egret gently sweeping over the water and a blue Heron after its graceful flight sits on the stone ledge and his neck disappears in his feathers as he too tries to ward off the cold.

As she walks with me, my lone companion for this walk of remembrance and prayer, she talks words of wisdom…. how to always try and look at the glass as “half full and not as half empty”, how life needs to be lived “with a smile”, that each new day is a gift that our lives and our children’s lives are amanat from Allah Subhanawataala.  Then we both simultaneously thank God that our children lived a life without blemish and died in that state, and are remembered with dignity and affection by all.
And then………..as we reach the side path where it dips down to the river, she recalls the fateful day……she talks about a mother’s instinct: in knowing and feeling that something was wrong that day……of her insisting to her husband to turn back from the exit of their subdivision, when she sees two police cars turning into their subdivision. Her husband overcome with grief on listening to the news of Im’s fatal accident from the policemen. She having the presence of mind to make a phone call seeking help. There is no one in their home except the two of them……..

I do not realize that tears are flowing from my eyes as I think of her, outside my personal grief, immersing myself in hers. How did she cope with watching her husband in a state of uncontrolled grief and making the phone call to get help from our community…….and then thank God they came she said, in droves and stayed all night.
I remember that night…….

The walk is dedicated to the friendship of Tariq Im and Ebad…..we talk of their positive attitude towards life, their deep and abiding friendship with each other and their sincere concern and absence of being judgmental with the less fortunate.

Meanwhile snippets of couplets from poems from our past float onto our lips as we watch the bubbles form on the ground
“Life is like a bubble……..” “Yay zindagi habbab ki si hay…..”
The deep silence, absence of noisy humans has encouraged the birds to come out in the rain; the ducks to unabashedly dive for food and the silent sentinel birds to sit on the rocks in the river and watch for food or perhaps do tasbeeh.

The hushed foliage dripping with rain listens, as two mothers remember their sons. The beauty of nature, silently unfolding its grace with dignity and enfolding us in its beautiful embrace and as if saying…….Look around you! Recognize the signs of Allah in the beauty that enfolds you, and give praise….Subhanallah!

And so we keep on walking, covering eight miles effortlessly as if walking eight meters. The rain falling around us, shedding tears of anguish, tears of cleansing, and tears of purification. Two mothers remembering and praying for their lost sons…..

WAR BOOTY: The etiquette of distribution 8:41

And know that whatever ye take as spoils of war, lo! A fifth thereof is for Allah, and for the messenger and for the kinsman (who hath need) and orphans and the needy and the wayfarer, if ye believe in Allah and that which We revealed unto Our slave on the Day of Discrimination, the day when the two armies met. And Allah is Able to do all things. (41)

۞ وَٱعۡلَمُوٓاْ أَنَّمَا غَنِمۡتُم مِّن شَىۡءٍ۬ فَأَنَّ لِلَّهِ خُمُسَهُ ۥ وَلِلرَّسُولِ وَلِذِى ٱلۡقُرۡبَىٰ وَٱلۡيَتَـٰمَىٰ وَٱلۡمَسَـٰكِينِ وَٱبۡنِ ٱلسَّبِيلِ إِن كُنتُمۡ ءَامَنتُم بِٱللَّهِ وَمَآ أَنزَلۡنَا عَلَىٰ عَبۡدِنَا يَوۡمَ ٱلۡفُرۡقَانِ يَوۡمَ ٱلۡتَقَى ٱلۡجَمۡعَانِۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَلَىٰ ڪُلِّ شَىۡءٍ۬ قَدِيرٌ (٤١)

BACKGROUND
This Surah is about the Battle of Badr. The muslims were outnumbered heavily and yet they won.
Allah SWT in this surah delineates many of the etiquettes pertaining to war and Allah’s help in its outcome.

This ayah describes what is war booty (Maal e Ghanimat) and how is it to be distributed.

Tafseer by Farhat Hashmi:

LITERAL MEANING OF THE WORD:
Ghanam: Getting something without earning it, Free Booty, or Maal e Ghanimaat.

NOT THE AIM OF JIHAD
Allah SWT qualifies that Maal e Ghanimaat (War booty) is not the aim of Jihad; one does not fight for war booty.

In pre Islamic times the war booty was handled in a certain manner, which was not equitable for the society they lived in.
THE QUESTION IN THE SOLDIERS MIND:
The Muslim Arabs did not know how to handle the war booty in Badr, and this was a question in the minds of all.
HOW TO DIVIDE THE WAR BOOTY?
In this ayah Allah SWT says:
“what ever you gain in war/battle, bring it and put it in one place. Do not take it for personal use or use it before placing it in one general place. After all the war booty is collected in one place, it is to be divided into five parts:
I.    Four out of five parts will be given to the soldiers as follows: those who came on foot to fight get one part and those who brought their personal horses into battle get three, or a ratio of 1: 3 depending on if one came on foot to fight or brought their horse with them.
II. One out of five parts belongs to Allah and He gives it as follows:
One part: For RasoolAllah (PBUH), his expenses, expenses for his wives and children and to buy more horses armor etc.
One part: For the elatives of RasoolAllah (PBUH), especially Banu Hashim and Banu Mutallib
The rest of the three parts (one each): to orphans, poor/needy and travelers.”

A JUST DIVISION BENEFITING NOT ONLY THOSE WHO FOUGHT BUT ALSO THE SOCIETY AT LARGE
This division is just.  The war booty is not only being used by the soldiers as had been done in the past, but for improving society by helping the downtrodden and a smaller than usual part for the leader.
Previously the Arabs were allowed to loot every thing and the leader kept one fourth and the rest went to the soldiers.

SIGNIFICANCE OF THE RULES OF DISTRIBUTION OF WHAT IS GAINED IN WAR
Allah SWT attaches these commandment to emaan, thus the fair distribution of war booty becomes a part of the Muslim belief and emaan.

A REMINDER TO THOSE IN THE “HIGH” OF VICTORY
Allah SWT also underlines that ALL victory is because of Allah’s help.

THE DAY OF FURQAN
Allah SWT sent help to His messenger (Prophet Muhammad PBUH) in a battle (Badr) that demonstrated the criteria of the believers and differentiated it from the non-believers.

A BLESSING WHEN YOU GIVE……
Rasool Allah (PBUH) while giving any portion of war booty would say “this is what Allah SWT gives you in this dunya, but he has something much better waiting for you in the Hereafter”
This reminder decreases the greed in people as it reminds them that the best is yet to come.

My take:
THE ETIQUETTE OF WAR
There is etiquette for everything in the Quran even the use of what has been won in war.

THE CORE MESSAGE
The basic tenet of this ayah is that all wins and losses come from Allah SWT. We cannot win without his help and thus everything that we gain as a result of that win must be distributed according to what he has set down in the Quran.

A REMINDER
Even if Muslims have won and feel they deserve all the spoils of war Allah SWT wants to teach us:
1.    We cannot win by ourselves without His help
2.     The concept of sharing with its inherent though overtly unapparent advantages

THE LESSON:
” If we share the war booty with the less fortunate, the poor, the orphans and the needy then society becomes more equitable and a better place to live for ALL.

The Battle for the Hearts & Minds recited: 8:1-18

The recitation of the section on The Heart is in this:

TO GIVE OR NOT GIVE THANKS……….

We have been given freedom of choice:  We were nothing…………and then Allah Subhanawataala made us into something and someone special and then gave us a choice:

076.001 
YUSUFALI: Has there not been over Man a long period of Time, when he was nothing – (not even) mentioned?

076.002 
YUSUFALI: Verily We created Man from a drop of mingled sperm, in order to try him: So We gave him (the gifts), of Hearing and Sight.

076.003 
YUSUFALI: We showed him the Way: whether he be grateful or ungrateful (rests on his will).

Here it is in beautiful soul warming recitation (rare):

And with English translation:

And with pictures that make you think……and choose to be grateful

Have you made a conscious choice?

KHALWAH: SPIRITUAL SECLUSION

Reflection after KHALWAH

Nothing benefits the heart more that a spiritual seclusion, whereby it enters the domain of true reflections.

Before Khalwah

Have you tasted the rewards of Khalwah (Spiritual Seclusion)?

AFFLICTION…………

Quran 47: 31 We shall try you till We know those of you who strive hard and are patient and steadfast. We will test your record of deeds.

Afflictions and difficulties are meant for us to reflect upon our life, take heed and correct our direction towards better knowledge of His signs and will.

Quran 23: 75 And if we bestowed mercy on them and relieved them of the harm afflicting them, they would persist in their obstinacy, wandering blindly on.

Afflictions are a part of His mercy, which is recognized by those who trust and reflect with insight.

Quran 10:21 And when we cause people to taste mercy after some adversity which afflicted them, they plot against Our Signs. Say, “ Allah is quicker in plotting, Surely, Our messengers write down what you plot”.

Arrogance and the illusions of independence in this world will only increase the darkness and veils for those who are misguided.

Quran 7:156 He said. “As for my punishment, I strike with it whomsoever I will and my mercy extends to all things, I will prescribe it for those who have cautious awareness (taqwa) purify by alms (zakat) and believe in Our clear Signs.

The sincere seekers will constantly ask for and desire His mercy and act selflessly and with constant caution and awareness (taqwa).

Those who are cautious, aware and patient will be guided through conflict and confusion towards knowledge and trustful submission.

Excerpted from “The Quranic Prescription for Life” Compiled by Shaykh Fadhlalla Haeri

THE COLOR OF MY MEMORIES……….

I am sitting quietly and watching the painters cover up fifteen years of my memories, one by one with each stroke of the paint brush life as it was becomes remote and unrecoverable.

We are painting after fifteen years and replacing the carpet after twenty three years. we had moved into this house shortly after Tariq was born.

My mind is running a marathon, but I am hitting a wall, where I am unable to think and feel anymore, I decide to check out the people who are carpeting the rooms, and there in begins a new journey of the closets.

I am amazed how one bedroom can fill just the contents of one closet. I open Shireen s closet it is empty she has already stashed the important stuff out of sight, deep in the recesses of her room.

I walk through the connecting bathroom that the children have shared growing up and stand in Tariq’s newly carpeted room, he would have enjoyed the clean look. His tux and his sadris remind me that he is not there to use them.  I want someone to use them and yet it seems callous to throw them in the faceless pile going to Goodwill.

I turn away and spot his signature hat lying on the floor of the closet. My heart is not full, nor are my eyes brimming with tears at its sight just a regret…………of circumstances that made him unhappy sometimes by those very close ones…I decide to shut that door mentally. Regret and “if” opens the door to Shaytaans’s whisperings and waswasas, according to our Prophet Muhammad PBUH.

I walk back to Shireen’s room, where Tariq’ s things have been stashed, for now. His awards are spilling out of a box and his hockey from Pakistan and tennis racket are symbols of good times and travels gone by.
He has not taken anything with him, he does not need anything where he is except our duas, and yet…………..I find it hard to let go of these last vestiges of material memories.

I am on this journey alone; Paul and Shireen have disappeared, partly due to circumstance and some due to choice.

Avoidance is the style of some to deal with grief. I find that avoidance just allows the grief to steal into my heart and mind stealthily and surprise me, paralyzing me into inaction.

Thus I continue to journey alone…….. In his drawer is an album, a step-by-step illustration of the process of restoring his love.

He spent one year lovingly restoring an old 68 Camaro, working every weekend at the car garage, loving every moment of it……..and now it stands in our garage untouched and veiled in sorrow.

Material things…..I must learn to detach the memories from material things, these things don’t represent Tariq, nor does a diamond ring represent love……and yet I hesitate, and feel helpless as the colors of my memories fade and are  replaced one by one…….. by others.

HAROON…………the gentle one

I am listening to the tafseer of Surah Al Araaf by Farhat Hashmi. She comes to the part where Moses (AS) is called by Allah SWT to give him the message, and as he gets ready to leave he asks his brother Haroon to take care of the Children of Israel when he is gone.

She then describes the temperament of Haroon (AS)………..born in the same household as Moses (AS) older brother to him, and yet unlike him, he is soft spoken, gentle and non confrontational.

My mind goes to another Haroon………soft spoken, gentle and non-confrontational. Born in a pack of five brothers and one sister some older than him some younger.

Old colonial home in Amritsar,check the rooftop contiguity

He at age one hunkering down in the darkened rooms of his grandparents home in Amritsar at night in a blackout that is only brightened by the torches of the Hindu rioters near my grandmother’s house.

My grandmother lived at the border of the Hindu section in a large sprawling bungalow that connected in the city with other homes through the closeness of their roof tops, My grandfather was the physician at the Hospital nearby treating Hindu’s and Muslims equally during the riot of Partition between Hindu India and Muslim Pakistan.

Neither my grandmother nor my grandfather ever thought of leaving their ancestral home in the Punjab ever. My father, who had gone to Pakistan to set up a Hospital, had left my mother and her three boys and one on the way with her parents in a safe, affluent neighborhood close to the hospital.

I can hear my mother relating “the night” Here is what I remember of what she said:

“As the evening shadows would lengthen the house would be plunged in complete blackout to deter the rioters from discerning who if anybody lived there. After many days of siege of the Muslim quarter, my father was stranded in the hospital and could not return home because of the mobs at the gates of the muslim quarter.
Our fresh food was slowly running out, the first item of need was milk for Haroon.

As darkness would fall, my mother would rant and rave and send baduas to each member of the Hindu mob, and then would send her son to run across the rooftops and bring some milk in a lota. He being twelve, a lota was all he could carry while running over the roof tops, dodging bullets and trying to avoid being seen.

Haroon………..would cry when the shots rang out, but his crying also was quiet sobbing, he would never raise his voice as if he knew of the pre eminent danger they were in.”

Haroon my brother never cried aloud as far as I can remember. I recall the wordless tears in his eyes at age nine when he went to Boarding School in Murree, wordless tears in his eyes when my father died. I thank God he never witnessed my mothers or my sons death.

His smiles were also gentle; his laugh hearty but never raucous ……………..Haroon how aptly named was he.

Haroon arriving in Pakistan around one and one half year of age and living with our parents in an apartment in Lady Wellington Hospital where my father worked after partition.

My mother was physically and emotionally stretched as the hospital was mostly filled with the carnage that was carried out on the trains to Pakistan which arrived with people dismembered and severely injured.

Muslim refugees on the train to Pakistan

Her mother and sister had been recruited to nurse the injured while my grandfather & father did surgery. Meanwhile my mother was taking care of her three children and her newborn baby. Haroon became a favorite of a half blind, very affectionate elderly woman from our family called “Mami Muradi” who had sought sanctuary with my parents after all her family was killed in Partition.

I see his photo; he is clinging to Mami Muradi’s legs and looking at the camera from behind the folds of her shalwar, his signature lock of dark hair on his forehead, his intelligent eyes assessing you before he accepts your presence in his life.

Haroon with the gentle hands that eased headaches without medicine, Haroon with the sharp wit and sarcasm that could reduce egos to a heap of sand

Haroon absorbing the pain and disappointments of life without batting an eyelash, Haroon writing a story of a father and a son………..Haroon breaking the academic records in all the commonwealth countries, Haroon spoiling his daughters with joy. Haroon working in Borders in the States.  and saying he enjoys it while in his heart he was homesick for Pakistan.

Haroon absorbing the pain of life till he could absorb no more and his heart exploding with it, spilling out all the anguish, releasing him forever from the ungentleness of this world……………

“Inna lil lahi wa inna elayhe rajaeown”. May his soul rest in peace and May Allah Subhanawataala give him Maghfirah, and guide his daughters and his siblings to the path of Allah Subhanawataala.

May his daughters pray for him everyday in every prayer, for his solace and Maghfirah in the Hereafter!

On being asked once why he spoils his daughters so much he said “they are all I have!”………….and now their prayers are all he has left in this world.

How To Win The Battle Of The Hearts and Minds? 8:9-11

CLEANSING, GUARDING AND STRENGTHENING THE HEART 8:9-11

إِذ تَستَغِيثُونَ رَبَّكُم فَٱستَجَابَ لَم أَنِّى مُمِدُّكُم بِأَلفٍ مِّنَ ٱلمَلَـكَةِ مُردِفِينَ (٩)
وَمَا جَعَلَهُ ٱللَّهُ إِلَّا بُشرَى وَلِتَطمَنَّ بِهِ قُلُوبُكُم وَمَا ٱلنَّصرُ إِلَّا مِن عِندِ ٱللَّهِ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ (١٠)
إِذ يُغَشِّيكُمُ ٱلنُّعَاسَ أَمَنَةً مِّنهُ وَيُنَزِّلُ عَلَيكُم مِّنَ ٱلسَّمَآءِ مَآءً لِّيُطَهِّرَكُم بِهِ وَيُذهِبَ عَنكُم رِجزَ ٱلشَّيطَـنِ وَلِيَربِطَ عَلَى قُلُوبِم وَيُثَبِّتَ بِهِ ٱلأَقدَامَ (١١)

When ye sought help of your Lord and He answered you (saying): I will help you with a thousand of the angels, rank on rank. (9)
Allah appointed it only as good tidings, and that your hearts thereby might be at rest. Victory cometh only by the help of Allah. Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise. (10)
When He made the slumber fall upon you as a reassurance from him and sent down water from the sky upon you, that thereby He might purify you, and remove from you the fear of Satan, and make strong your hearts and firm (your) feet thereby. (11)

BACKGROUND:

Surah e Anfal is about War Booty. The opening ayahs are regarding the preparation, happenings and the victory of the Muslims in the Battle of Badr. Here Allah SWT outlines how Allah SWT helped the sincere Muslims.

Allah SWT help came to strengthen the  minds and heart of the Muslims. The secret of how to strengthen ones heart lies in these ayahs

The lifelong battle between Shaytaan whispering to us to disobey Allah and we trying to keep him out of our hearts and mind is at the base of this tafseer

In the Battle of Badr, the muslims were few and not professional soldiers,thus the psyche was low. Rasool Allah PBUH begs (faryad) for help form Allah SWT and He (SWT) sends it only because the muslims fighting here are righteous and God fearing (Mutaqeen)

How Allah SWT helps is a a fascinating lesson for us.

If we protect our hearts we live both physically and spiritually.Our hearts are the seats of our spirituality and things enter and influence it thought the physical doors of our senses, the actions of our limbs and our private parts (Sheikh Magroubi)

Here in these three ayahs Allah SWT demonstrates in a very simple manner using the events of the Battle of Badr as an example, the cause and affect of:
1.    Sincere supplication
2.    The help he gives when asked by sincere muslims
3.    Methods to strengthen the Heart
4.    Methods to influence the Mind

TAFSEER BY FARHAT HASHMI (English Translation)
In these ayahs Allah SWTsays “when you were making supplication to your Lord asking for help, I am going to help you with row after row of thousand angels”

Allah SWT says “the sending of the angels to help the muslims was to bring them glad tidings such and that your heart would become happy and content.
(Allah SWT helps Muslims if their emaan is pure and if they are mutaqeen),
“Even though the angels came and helped you but the real help came from Allah and Allah is over every thing and wise”

HOW DID ALLAH SWT PREPARE THE MUSLIMS :
(This ayah outlines the blessings that Allah SWT sent to prepare the Muslims physically, spiritually and emotionally)

“And when you were covered with sleep, which was calming and serene for you, it (the sleep) was sent from Allah to refresh you. Allah was sending down water from the skies to provide you a means to purify you and to remove the agony of Shaytaan. (Waswasas)”

Tafseer:
Shaytaan weakens the hearts with Waswasas . These are most rampant when one is tired, sleep deprived, disheartened, when one is under stress, or depressed, that is when Shaytaan attacks the heart of such an individual.

Thus Allah SWT by sending rain sent many blessings and as a result:
1.    The weather became pleasant
2.    Muslims got fresh water to drink & perform wudu
3.    Thirst was quenched for man and animal
4.    The sand became firm and foot movement became secure
5.    The enemy was at a lower level and the water went down and created mud and slush and slowed them down.
6.    The atmosphere cleared the air and the Muslims were encouraged.

Thus:
“Allah SWT strengthened their hearts by the change in environs and encouragement with the outcome of what happened with the rain and by removing waswasas and the agony of Shaytaan.”

HOW WERE THEY STRENGTHENED PHYSICALLY & EMOTIONALLY
Allah SWT strengthened the steps of the Muslims by:
1.    Physically solidified the earth to stabilize their steps
2.    Emotionally by removal of Shaytaans waswasaas, which strengthened their hearts.

HOW WERE THE HEARTS STRENGTHENED?
The hearts were strengthened and stabilized by: Removal of waswasas of Shaytaan, which was done by taharah, which was done by water.

To accomplish a goal and win one must have:
1.    Strengthening of the heart
2.    Peace and stability of mind
3.    Strong and stable steps

MY TAKE:

WHAT IS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF TAHARAH AND ITS RELATIONSHIP TO GUARDING & STRENGHTENING THE HEART?

Often elders and scholars have told us that we should “always stay in a state of Taharah”. I had always wondered why?

Here are some reasons elucidated by the above ayahs and elsewhere:

THE TAHARAH -HEART CONNECTION

1.    In order to have a strong heart that is impregnable to the whisperings (waswasas) of Shaytaan, which result in indecisiveness, doubt, regret, depression and even anger we must take physical steps to keep Shaytaan at bay and thus prevent his whisperings from reaching us. This is most successfully done by:
•    Cleansing the heart and removing the traitors of the heart (envy, greed, pride, arrogance (kibr), ostentations, (ujub) self agrandisement, self love (riya) that might sneak in and open the doors of the heart allowing Shaytaan to take hold of it and command it by whispering into it (waswasas). Thus subjecting it to emotions that further weaken the heart (depression, anger, rage, etc, which further make fertile ground for the whisperings of the Shaytaan eventually leading to the ultimate victory of Shaytaan creating doubt in our hearts about everything including our Creator and His Rasool (also called cynicism).
•    Closing the doors of the heart to the traitors (noted above) after removing them (Tazkiyah Nafs) and only allowing the flow of clean and pure air and information to enter it by guarding the portals (the five senses and the limbs and private parts) against input that smacks of disobedience to Allah.
•    Staying in Taharah keeps the shaytaan away
•    Staying in Taharah allows one to read, recite and memorize the word of Allah no matter where we may be
•    Staying in Taharah allows us to pray two nafil anywhere (even in the car) if the waswasa of Shaytaan (depression, anger, rage, disappointment, indecisiveness, doubt, cynicism) is affecting us.
•    Staying in Taharah allows us to rise to the Heavens after death perfumed and makes it easy on the angels carrying us and earning the duas of the ones we meet enroute to the Heavens.
•    Staying in Taharah keeps the outer portals of our heart guarded against the invasion of the senses and limbs and private parts by the acts of commission or omission when faced with the disobedience of Allah.

WHAT TO DO PRACTICALLY TO STRENGTHEN THE HEART?

•    ALWAYS DO TAHARAH (Wudu) WHEN YOU BREAK WUDU WHETHER IT IS PRAYER TIME OR NOT.
•    TURN AWAY FROM VISUAL DISOBEDIENCES TO ALLAH (Looking at things which are not permitted: pornography, lewd act etc)
•    Turn away from AURAL disobediences: (Listening to things, which are against Allah SWT. Commandments and the teachings of our Prophet PBUH)
•    Turn away from walking to or using your hands or body to participate or use those things and places that Allah SWT has forbidden to us.

DOES THIS MAKE US PIOUS AND SELF-RIGHTEOUS?

In my humble opinion this is self-defense, you are making provisions to GUARD YOUR HEART and you have a right to do so. For it brings consistent and continual happiness in this world and the next, Inshallah!

THE SWAMP OF HUQOOQ AL EBAAD

It has been three years, since I spoke with her, she has not called and neither have I.  I do recall vaguely that she had made a brief call to give her condolences over the phone at Tariq’s death three years ago.

The phone is ringing, and she picks up.  I say “I am calling to get your mother’s address as I would like to invite you and your mother to my daughter’s wedding”. There is bored silence at the other end and then lacadaisically she gives me the address. Her voice non committal, no felicitations expressed for the upcoming joyous event, no condolence for my sons demise, no questions as to how I am holding up.

I recall many years ago she had said, “ I am your sister.” My thought processes are interrupted by her comment “ I don’t think my mother would like to come, She is upset about her last contact with our mutual relatives, who are also going to be at the wedding”
I say” there has been a lot of water under the bridge, since then.  Those individuals have apologized to your mother, my mother is dead as is my son, perhaps you can forgive and try to move forward?”

She proceeds to tell me that she want’s me to intervene on her behalf to get some jewelry left to her and me by one of our mutual relatives. Being caught up in the crossfire of inheritance laws and disagreement in the relatives the process of distribution of the jewelry has been slow.

Suddenly I feel I am talking to a stranger, I find myself distanced from this woman who had reassured me many times, long time ago that since I had no sister, she was going to be my sister.

She continues to harp on getting her trinkets and asks me why don’t I intervene.
I try to tell her that in my current frame of mind, material items are not important any more, and that’ she is welcome to have my share also if that makes her happy.

She persists and I reiterate to her that I do not have the emotional reserve for this kind of intervening and pursuit of material goods, and that it is least important to me at this time.

Her final sentence cuts the last chord of respect, friendship and compassion that I had felt for her in the past because I realize that she has no concept or compassion of what I have experienced with my mothers and my sons death and is either unable or unwilling to try and even understand my stance.

She says” Well you said we should move on, why aren’t you moving on”

I feel the callousness of her remarks go through me like a knife goes through flesh. I realize with a certainty that either I have changed significantly or she had always been callous and I was in Ghafla and had never seen her for who she was.

In trying to fulfill my Haqooq el Ebaad, I feel I am swimming in a swamp, at every corner some relative in the form of an alligator either snaps at me or takes a bite out of me; the swamp water itself is murky with hidden agendas.

I am tired and I want to get out of the swamp. All my various relatives hiding in the rushes startle me and dissuade me from my goal; They have no support to offer. And yet I know that I cannot turn my back on them, for one of the most stern tests that Allah SWT puts us through in this life is to learn how to get along with each other.

As I review Surah Baqara and read with dismay the commandments of Allah of how I have to treat my relatives, irrespective of how they treat me, I struggle with the reality of doing so.

As I see through their envy, their ghafla, there politics, their greed, and their strange and usual priorities, I wonder if I will have the strength and the determination to continue to swim in the swamp and reach my destination unharmed and without harming someone.

I too was once one of them, and yet now I find myself far removed, from them. I am swimming in the swamp of Huqooq el Ebaad with only one agenda: to get to the other side without disobeying Allah SWT in the arena of his commandments that pertain to the Huqooq el ebaad. Please keep me in your prayers.