ON FORGIVENESS……..

This is the authors response (Asma Bint Shameem) to Brother’s question on forgiveness to a wrong done to him see comment in post: How to mend two broken hearts

First of all, brother, I am sorry that you had to go through all this. May Allaah make it easy for you and reward you fully for all your suffering. Ameen.

Allah tells us that we will be tested. In fact, the very purpose and wisdom behind this life is that it is a test and trial. Allaah tests us with different things; some of us with poverty and some with riches, some with sickness and some with health, some with loss of a loved one, or other deep pain; But, He also makes it clear to us what is expected from us when we undergo these trials and what our reward will be if we are successful.

He says: “Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods, lives and the fruits (of your toil) but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. Those who, when misfortune strikes them, say: ‘Indeed we belong to Allah and to Him is our return. Those are the ones upon whom are blessings and mercy from their Lord and it is those who are rightly guided.” [al-Baqarah: 155]

The Prophet (peace be upon him)said: “No fatigue, illness, anxiety, sorrow, harm or sadness afflicts any Muslim, even to the extent of a thorn pricking him, without Allah wiping out his sins by it.” [Bukhaari,Muslim]
And:

“When Allah desires good for someone, He tries him with hardships.” [Bukhaari]

All of these afflictions, if endured patiently by the believer, are a means of attaining Allah’s forgiveness as well as His reward.

If you can find it in your heart to forgive that person, it would be of great benefit to you. However, it is not obligatory on you to forgive a person if that person has wronged you.

Islaam has given you rights and no one should behave in an oppressive or unjust manner with anyone under any circumstance. And Allaah has given the Muslim permission, if aggression is committed against him, to settle the score, but He also encourages him to forgive. Allaah says:

“The recompense for an evil is an evil like thereof; but whoever forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is with Allaah. Verily, He likes not the Zaalimoon (oppressors).And indeed whosoever takes revenge after he has suffered wrong, for such there is no way (of blame) against them.The way (of blame) is only against those who oppress men and rebel in the earth without justification; for such there will be a painful torment. And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allaah” [al-Shoora 42:40-43]

So in the end, forgiveness is encouraged.

Brother, our dear beloved Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam) was humiliated, called all sorts of derogatory names, thrown out of his beloved hometown, yet when he conquered Makkah, he forgave them. When they pelted him with stones till he bled and almost passed out at Taif, he forgave them and said, “O Allah, guide these people, because they did not know what they were doing.”

And remember the incidence of Sayyidah A’isha. Some hypocrites of Madinah accused her of something horrible and tried to put dirt on her noble character. Imagine, on the Mother of the Believers!

One of the slanderers turned out to be a man called Mistah. He was the cousin of Aisha’s father, Abu Bakr. Abu Bakr used to give financial help to this person. After he slandered his daughter, Abu Bakr vowed not to help him any more. But Allah reminded Abu Bakr and through him all the Believers,

“Let not those among you who are endued with grace and amplitude of means resolve by oath against helping their kinsmen, those in want and those who migrated in the path of Allah. Let them forgive and overlook. Do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? Indeed Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Al-Nur 24:22)

When Abu Bakr heard these ayaat, he came out of his home and said, “Yes, indeed, I want Allah’s forgiveness.” And he not only continued to help him but he even gave him more.

Subhaan Allaah!

Now, I know you will say that these were examples of very noble, pious people and we don’t have their Taqwa and Imaan. Yes, but Allaah has told us to look at their lives and follow their footsteps. These people are our role models and examples to follow in case we are afflicted with things similar to what they experienced. And that is what they teach us.

Another thing I want to remind you brother, is that no matter how bad a situation may seem, it is not befitting for a Muslim to lose hope in Allaah’s Mercy and Forgiveness.

“…..and never give up hope of Allâh’s Mercy. Certainly no one despairs of Allâh’s Mercy, except the people who disbelieve.” (Yusuf:87)

You say that you want your life to end. But brother, suicide is not the answer to anything. In fact, it is one of the most grievous of major sins, and it only increases the punishment of the one who does it. The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alayhi wa Sallam) said: “Whoever throws himself down from a high mountain and kills himself will be throwing himself down from a mountain in the Fire of Hell for all eternity. Whoever takes poison and kills himself will be taking poison in the Fire of Hell for all eternity. Whoever kills himself with a weapon (literally, iron) will be holding it in his hand and stabbing himself in the stomach in the Fire of Hell for all eternity. (Bukhaari)
So don’t let the Shaytaan put these thoughts in your head. I know that it must be difficult. But be patient, make lots of istighfar, and ask Allaah to make it easy for you. Whenever sadness or disturbing thoughts come to your mind say, say this dua and Allaah will give you better than this lady, someone you care for and she cares for you.

SUPPLICATION: “Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raji’oon, Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w’ukhluf li khayran minha”.

(O Allaah, reward me in this calamity and compensate me with something better than it.)

Umm Salamah said: “The Messenger of Allaah (Sal Allaahu Alayhi wa Sallam) said: ‘There is no Muslim who suffers a calamity and says what Allaah has commanded: “Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raji’oon, Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w’ukhluf li khayran minha,” but Allaah will compensate him with something better.’ When Abu Salamah died, I said, ‘Who among the Muslims could be better than Abu Salamah….?’ Then I said [this du'aa'] and Allaah compensated me with the Messenger of Allaah (Sal Allaahu Alayhi wa Sallam). He sent Haatib ibn Abi Balta’ah on his behalf to ask for my hand in marriage, but I said, ‘I have a daughter, and I am a jealous woman.’ He said, ‘As for your daughter, we will pray to Allaah to make her independent, and I will pray to Allaah to take away your jealousy.’” (Muslim).

And remember that whatever Allaah does is for our good. Either it will expiate our previous sins or it will be a means of raising our status with Allah and gaining rewards if we are patient.

I ask Allaah to make it easy for you and make you patient and reward you for the oppression you suffered. Ameen.

end response from author

Brother: we pray that you find your connection with Allah SWT and that your salaat and Dhikr bring you comfort and sakina.

May Allah SWT protect and guide you.