I know that you are curious as to who am I and where do I live so here is my story………..
Once upon a time I lived in Camelot, where life was beautiful, everyone had plenty, the days were sunny, the nights were starlit, we visited each other and congratulated each other on each other’s material and academic gains, and the achievements of our children.
We carefully cherished our children trying to instill the basis of Islam by taking them to the mosque class and celebrating each muslim holiday with gusto and generosity. Meanwhile amassing wealth and opportunities for our children.
Our children grew up together holding on to each other and getting their strength from each other. They created new traditions in the secular school system. Sitting in the library at lunch in Ramadan, was one that became a coveted fashion. The children did more social services than some of us adults. They served in the soup kitchen and cleaned out the bathrooms and bedrooms at the local Ronald Macdonald house for the parents of chronically sick children and many other things fi sabillallah. They were the frontline facing the onslaught on the war on Islam after September of 2001, never flinching, and still finding joy in life.
We adults on the other hand continued to work long hours, eat weekend dinners at each other’s homes and attend Sunday mosque like the Christians and felt that we knew a lot of Islam. Many of us prayed five times a day, some did not but did good deeds to make up.
We lived in idyllic Camelot, nothing bad ever happened here and we were off and on blind and deaf to the bad things happening to people elsewhere, as long as all was well in Camelot.
Then one afternoon in July two and half years ago, on a bright and sunny day, three nineteen year old, handsome, bright, intelligent and good muslim boys set out on the interstate to drop off one of the three to the airport located two hours away from Camelot.
Hurricane Dennis suddenly entered the scene and dropped blinding showers. Their car slipped and crossing the median to the other side crashed into an oncoming sixteen wheeler. All three boys, loved and cherished by the community because of their good muslim behavior, intellect and beauty, died instantaneously.
Inna lil lahi wa inna elayhe rajaeoown.
Camelot exploded with grief, never to be put back together again. I am the mother of one of those three, and that is my story……

38 responses so far ↓
Rayon Soleil // February 14, 2008 at 12:10 am |
Inna lil lahi wa inna illahi rajiyuun.
You must be a strong woman so that Allah give you such thing happened to you.
May Allah always bless you…amin.
falsa // February 14, 2008 at 10:23 am |
I figured your story blogger mom.
But the true test for us is to be steadfast in our patience. Amazingly tough isn’t it?
May Allah(swt) grant us the strength and istaqamah. Ame’en.
asqfish // February 15, 2008 at 9:23 am |
Everyday is a challenge. Please keep me in your prayers, and thank you !
suhaa // February 18, 2008 at 7:37 am |
asalaam alaikum sister, i live in madinah and just made duaa for you and your son. inshaAllah will tonight too at the haram..
asqfish // February 18, 2008 at 5:33 pm |
Shukria, Shukran and jazaaik Allah hu Khairan, I want you to know this means so much to me!
Please could you pray for Imran and Ebad (the other two friends of my son, who died with him) and their parents, in the haram and please give my salaam to our Rasool, peace and blessings be upon him. Tell him I revere him (PBUH)and want to follow his footsteps.
May Allah reward you!
Digital Nomad // March 10, 2008 at 7:19 pm |
Inna Lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raji’oon. This is the first post I have read on your blog and I am deeply touched for your losses. May Allah ease your sorrow in this world and reunite you with your beloveds in the next world, in the best of heavens possible. Ameen!
asqfish // March 10, 2008 at 9:06 pm |
Jazaaik Allah hu Khairan DN, please continue to keep me in your prayers.
Please do read the other posts especially the tafseers and add to them if possible. Thank you.
Umm Ibrahim // September 9, 2008 at 2:27 pm |
Assalaamu alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh,
Inna Lillahi wa inna ilaihi raaji’oon.
May Allah grant your son and his friends jannah and may they all be reunited in jannatul firdaus with their parents, ameen.
You are doing a wondeful thing here sharing Qur’an and hadith with others and helping others through their grief; may Allah reward you abundantly for that dear sister, ameen.
asqfish // September 9, 2008 at 4:34 pm |
Walaikum Asalaam wa rahmatullah e wa barakatahu………In all of the Sifaat of Allah (SWT) there is one called “my psychiatrist and Counselor”.
He (SWT) is there for me through thick and thin, silently encouraging me even when I am in the deepest well of grief.
The death of ones child take out the joy of living……..and one waits to accomplish what is needed to stay on the path of Jannah and all else falls by the wayside.
Thank you for your kind words and duas, they mean a lot to me and others who are walking in similar shoes to mine.
Jazaaik Allah hu Khairan, please keep me in your prayers.
Bint Amina // October 17, 2008 at 12:45 am |
Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu
SubhaanAllah sister, this touched me deeply.
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’oon.
May Allah ta’ala bestow upon your son and his friends mercy, may He accept their good deeds and forgive them their sins. May Allah ta’ala allow that their sadaqah jarriyah in this life continues to increase their scales of good. May they be granted a garden from the gardens of Paradise and be admitted into Jannat ul Firdaus.
Allahumma Ameen.
And as for you, my dear sister, I ask that Allah ‘azza wa jall bestows upon you patience, by which you patiently persevere in this life, looking forward to the fruits of the Hereafter, the meeting with your Lord, and the reunion with those beloved to you.
And perhaps Camelot will never be the same, devoid of its same sweetness, but I pray your heart attaches firmly upon his deen and finds immense sweetness and khayr therein – an ease for your troubles, a rest for your soul and a light in your heart.
May Allah bless and protect you. Ameen.
Wa Salamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu
Bint Amina
asqfish // October 17, 2008 at 11:55 am |
Asalaamoalaikum Sister,
Your duas, touch me and I feel them reaching Arsh Elahi.
May he grant every word you have written from your heart.
Ameen
attendingtheworld // October 25, 2008 at 12:20 am |
Salaams sister
Your story is quite moving! May Allah swt shower you and your family with His Blessings. Rejoice in knowing that you are a lucky family.
Allah swt chose you for this test because He loves you as the Prophet (pbuh) said: ” paraphrased “When Allah loves someone He tests him/her..” or as the Prophet pbuh said.
You are also lucky, insha’Allah because your son had been shown his place in Paradise and he can’t wait to get there. This is something that you already know.
But more importantly is as the Prophet’s (pbuh) hadith stated in Allah’s Hadith Qudsi: if you read Arabic, you will love this – and forgive me if I sound as if I’m preaching.. it is not my intention:
إذا مات ولد العبد قال الله لملائكته: قبضتم ولد عبدي؟ قالوا: نعم. وهو أعلم، قال: ماذا قال؟ وهو أعلم، يقولون: يا رب حمدك واسترجع -مات ابنه فقال: إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون، الحمد لله على كل حال- قالوا: حمدك واسترجع، فقال الله جل وعلا: ابنوا لعبدي بيتاً في الجنة، وسموه بيت الحمد ) إِنَّمَا يُوَفَّى الصَّابِرُونَ أَجْرَهُمْ بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍ [الزمر:
10].
Wassalam,
ATW
Rasid // November 26, 2008 at 9:16 pm |
Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu
Sister, I was googling and found interested with one of your picture. Can I use it for social needed? Can we contact by e-mail? Thx..
Wassalam,
Rasid
asqfish // November 26, 2008 at 10:09 pm |
Walaikum Asalaam, which picture are you interested in?
Rasid // November 27, 2008 at 4:12 am |
this one sister = http://asqfish.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/arriving-in-mina.jpg
i’ll use it for desk calender 2009, for one of mosque in jakarta, indonesia. Those calender will distribute freely. And we will be sell those too, but the money earn from selling will use for mosque needed too.
Thx sister, Wassalam..
Rasid
asqfish // November 27, 2008 at 7:39 am |
Alhamdollillah! Please do use it and give my web address as acknowledgement for this photo of my Hajj.
May Allah reward you for this good work.
USM // November 27, 2008 at 8:53 am |
Asalaamu Alaikum,
I wanted you to know that about a month ago I had to leave home for my studies. The first few nights alone in foriegn territory were anguish and in my search for ways to increase my imaan I came across your blog article “Searching for Eman” and since then Alhumdulillah this site has become the unlikliest sources of strength, insight and comfort. I think it is a hadith which says the believers are like mirrors for one another and as I have delved deep into my own soul during this painful khalwa it has been inspirational to join you on your journey. I hope inshAllah we are all able to attain that state of being like a traveller in this dunya and becoming true servants of Allah (SWT) no matter what comes our way.
Please remember this sister in your dua’s.
asqfish // November 27, 2008 at 9:38 am |
Walaikum Asalaam wa rahmatullah e wa barakatahu!
Perhaps Allah SWT has sent you to a far away foreign territory as His SWT ambassadoe?
May ALlah SWT give you strength, health and emaan to become an excellent Daee by example.
My dua is with you, inshallah he will keep you safe from all harm.
USM // November 27, 2008 at 5:44 pm |
Ummm
USM // November 27, 2008 at 5:46 pm |
sorry didnt mean to send that- was typing whilst thinking. lol
Rasid // November 27, 2008 at 8:12 pm |
Thank you sister, may ALLAH reward u too for your kindness.
Wassalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu
umm malik // March 31, 2009 at 2:17 am |
Bismillah.Dear sister, I cannot imagine your loss. May Allah give you the sabre and shukr each day. Ameen.
Children are a blessing from Allah I have with Allah blessing 2 children, 18 & 14 and each day I thank Allah for them. Some 6 years ago I started wearing the hijab and my life changed as I started to have a closer and clearer relationship with my Creator. It goes with out saying everything around me had a different and more intense relationship. With my children I have learnt I did not want them to please me( hard lesson for any parent to learn)but to please their creator.
I have no doubt your son and his friends had a beautiful relationship with their Creator, Ameen.
Dear sister, your loss has been a lesson for all of us to enable ourselves and our children to achieve this.
Jazak allah for your website.
asqfish // April 4, 2009 at 7:57 pm |
jazaaik Allah Khair, your words and your duas are balm to my heart.
Please keep me and my family in your prayers.
umm malik // April 5, 2009 at 5:19 am |
Inshah-Allah we will.
Shanila, Scotland, UK // April 22, 2009 at 2:49 pm |
Inna lil lahi wa inna illahi rajiyuun.
Asalaam ‘O Alaiykum,
A Believer is to be marvelled at because every condition of his is good. This is exclusive to the believer. If he attains happiness, he is thankful, and that is good for him, and if calamity overtakes him, he is patient, and that is good for him. The Messenger of Allah (SAW)
“At times Allah Most High wishes to bestow a special rank of elevation to a servant, but the servant lacks the ability to atain that lofty rank solely by virtue of his righteous deeds. Allah Most High then afflicts him with some hardship by virtue of which he attains the desired lofty rank. In a noble hadith on the Day of Resurrection the people of good fortune and happiness will be jealous of those who underwent hardship and sorry. They will say “Would that our skins were cut to bits with scissors so that today we could have attained the ranks bestowed to the people of hardship.”
The Path to Perfection by Shaykh Masihullah Khan.
My Pyari sister may Allah swt grant you sabre only you will know what has passed through your heart. May Allah swt make ease for you in this life and the hereafter. May Allah grant your son and his two friends Jannah. Ameen.
asqfish // April 23, 2009 at 11:56 pm |
Walaikum Asalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu,
Your quotes from our beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him , brought tears to my eyes and solace to my heart.
Thank you, May allah reward you, and may you continue to seek ‘The Light” and may ” Noor” enlighten your heart and soul.
jeetu // May 29, 2009 at 1:03 am |
Hi,
I am in deep sorrow for the tough time you had in your life. May Allah be with you throughout. amen.
As a believer of Allah I will pray for you.
Adeeb // June 7, 2009 at 3:13 pm |
Assalam-alikum Sister,
Your story was very moving and did make me emotional. I pray that Allah swt bestows upon you more and more strength, patience and blessings. No doubt you have these already in abundance.
A time will come, inshaallah, when you and the other grieving parents will be reuinted with your sons in the gardens of Jannah, and all your patience will have been worthwhile.
asqfish // June 8, 2009 at 8:54 pm |
Hi Br.Jeetu,
Thank you for your duas and your sincere words, may Allah subhanawataala reward you for your kindness and may such a sorrow never touch you.
Walaikum as salaam wa Rahmatullahi wa barakatahu Br Adeeb,
Every word of solace coming from you is sent by Allah Subhanawataala, may Allah reward you for your expression of compassion and your prayers, and may He forever watch over you with compassion and care.
charcoals // September 5, 2009 at 9:19 am |
Asalamualikum,
I google/search for a dua daily for a chain email in ramdan, and i have often come to your blog, (because of the word ’supplication’ you’ve used in it) read and left without dropping anything.
Today, I somehow did. Wondered for sometime who is asqfish, A girl or a Boy? Deep down inside i wished if it belonged to a Girl. if All of this wisdom is by someone of my gender that i can cherish and take pride in.
I havent read much of it, Ramdhan is here. But I’m going to read it one day.
Asalamualikum Va Rehmatullah,
I have read the above post, and cried, of course.
I really dont have words, I’ll definitely going to pray for your strength and your son and his friends. May Allah swt bless them all, and Grant you patience and strength!
This is a marvelous work, your journey will going to help me live my life. be through the difficulties i go though, to learn from you and to know you more.
love, prayers and wishes!
Asbah.
Azad Jamal // September 6, 2009 at 7:07 am |
Asalaam ‘O Alaiykum Sister, your story was very touching. I am not a very religious person. I am not motivated enough to do my religious duty properly, but after I heard your story may be I am do my duty much better then what I do earlier.
Ameen
asqfish // September 7, 2009 at 4:50 pm |
Walaikum Asalaam wa rahmatullahe wa barakatahu, sister C and Brother AJ,
May Allah reward you for your compassion and for keeping me in your prayers.
May He Subhanawataala give you strength and vigor to follow His path and make it beautiful for others.
Please continue to keep me in your prayers it brings me great peace.
jazaaik Allah Khair!
Azad Jamal // September 9, 2009 at 10:13 am |
Asalaam ‘O Alaiykum Sister,
I am your brother from India, I am facing great difficulty financially from last 10 years. I do everything but my financial condition not improve. I have one 8 years old daughter Amy. Last year global financial meltdown, I am losing almost everything, because I am directly involved in stock market, I loss faith in Allah and everything else. I don’t know i again regain my faith in Allah or not .
Take care
asqfish // September 10, 2009 at 11:43 am |
Walaikum Asalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu,
Perhaps Allah Subhanawataala is vetting you for jannah. If you release your attachment to your wealth and or lack of it, perhaps He will put you on His path. Just a thought.
May Allah bless your daughter Amy, remember she has come with her own sustenance, you are just a means for what Allah is going to give her, your only duty as a father is to give her what is halal and tayyab.
My third thought is that by the failing of your current business perhaps Allah Subhanawataala is giving you a message to do something different. Maybe what you have been doing is not pleasing to him? just a thought!
I am just a simple human being trying to learn the mysteries of my Deen, and invoking Allah to help me understand what I am supposed to do on this earth……….a bit late, but nevertheless I am trying.
may Allah Subhanawataala allow you to look for alternate halal and tayyab subsistence…….and may He make you turn to Him while you are in ease as well as when you are in difficulty.
Ameen
Azad Jamal // September 10, 2009 at 8:13 pm |
Thank You Sister asqfish,
I got my answer, I don’t know what happen in the future but I remember these words of you all my life.
Ameen
asqfish // September 10, 2009 at 9:20 pm |
Alhamdollillah! I pray that I wrote the correct thing from the point of view of our Deen, Allah knows best!
Adam Mohomed Sait // December 23, 2009 at 12:22 pm |
Salaams Sister
Even though I know you through our mails for maybe the last month or so, only today I came to know of your tragic loss. As a parent (I have 2 sons and 2 daughters) I can relate to what you have lost. Allah tests people in various ways, through health, wealth and through their children. He gives, and He takes away. It may be difficult to react to the tests one faces in life in the manner most pleasing and acceptable to Allah, but maybe that is what Allah is looking for in us when we lose something that is precious to us. In a way it may be better not to love our children too intensely, so that if they are taken away in our lifetime it would not shatter us irreparably, but this is easier said than done. Parents only can be aware of their inputs in the growth of their children and losing them can affect them severely.
These are tests from Allah, and we should attempt to bear these losses, heartrending though they may be, in a proper manner. It is very hard, agreed, but that maybe is what makes one a better Muslim.
May Allah give you the strength to bear this loss of yours with fortitude. What we can offer are only words, the suffering is yours, but maybe you can draw some comfort from what people feel for you.
May Allah bless your son, you, your family, and all of us Muslims around the world. We all need His Blessings.
Wassalam. Adam.
asqfish // December 26, 2009 at 10:43 am |
Walaikum as salaam brother Adam,
Jazaik Allah Khair to you, and thank you for all your duas.
Please keep us in your prayers.